Is my 4 year old doing too much?

Not too much, especially that she is not at school yet and only/first child.
I feel I got it right activity-wise with my third child.
At 4 years old he was doing tennis 30 min focused activity daily; 15 min focused violin again daily and swimming once a week.
This was all, other time was spent playing with his siblings.
Now at 11 years old he is an excellent tennis player and violinist.

Pre-school age: word of mouth from other parents, asking for recommendations on local parents’ social media groups, googling the activity to find local groups and then having a trial session.

School age: all of the above, plus some activities will be available after school, and some instrument tuition organised in school.

In my daughter’s case

Ballet and modern - I drive past the dance studio every day on my commute to work!

Football - Google search for local football teams, and then going for a trial session at the one within walking distance of home

Acro - started because a friend from school asked her if she wanted to go too

Swimming - local recreation centre

Tennis - school club, more fun than spending the whole time in wraparound care.

Piano - word of mouth recommendation from friend after we decided that me teaching her was not the way to go.

Thinking about it, the most effective way is to just find out what your child’s friends do and whether they would recommend it. Off the top of my head, I think I know how we would access trustworthy gymnastics, martial arts, cheerleading, horse riding, ice skating, trampolining, drama, voice, orchestra/band, skiing and brownies/cubs/beavers groups locally from this word of mouth chatter. (Not that we are going to add anything else to her list). Even if you’re not at school pick up or find it difficult to speak to the other parents directly, most classes now seem to have a class WhatsApp group, and I often see requests for recommendations on ours.

It’s amazing the wide range of activity available to children nowadays!

There is quite a lot of swimming late in the day as pointed out by previous posters. However, given that she’s only at pre-school for 2 days, I’d say that doesn’t seem too much otherwise. It depends on how serious each of the classes is, I guess.

Before my daughter went to school, she was at nursery from 8-6 for 4 days of the week. She had ballet in the morning and gymnastics in the afternoon on my day off, then on Saturdays, she had football in the mornings and swimming in the afternoon. But none were very serious and all definitely just for fun.

Be aware that they can find the first term at school very tiring. Even with my daughter used to 9 hr days at nursery since she was a baby, she took herself off for an afternoon nap for nearly the whole first half term of Foundation Year. She was a very late summer born and just turned 4, so maybe that played a part emotionally, but I understand that isn’t that unusual. Apart from one activity after school, her other activities were all at the weekend during that period. I’m not sure how intensive the two evening swimming training sessions are, but I’m not sure how that would fit in with starting school.

Your daughter sounds a bit like mine - really keen to take things up, but less eager to give things up. She’s now doing 3 dance disciplines, 2 sports, swimming (just weekly lesson) and piano. She is desperate to continue them all, and is better disposed when she has many opportunities to burn energy off. This has exhausted parental ability to ferry her around, and she knows that to take anything new up, she needs to drop something else. I get the feeling that she would just happily collect activities endlessly if she were allowed to do so!

I can see a crunch point coming soon where each thing starts getting more serious/time-consuming. Also, I expect homework to be more significant from KS2 onwards. At that point, she will have to make a choice. It’s difficult as she really seems to love them all equally, doesn’t seem hugely talented at any one of them, but neither is she rubbish at any of them.

One top tip for the future if she wants to continue doing lots of stuff - try not to organise anything for a Sunday morning that could be done at a different time. It is prime territory for scheduling clashes between sports matches and show rehearsals, and you can do without having anything else to juggle then.

Hi fellow parents! I want to evolve my DC in extracurricular activities? How do you find extracurricular activities? Are there any online platforms or at school? Thank you for your advice!

Swim mum of teen DD here. She was always on the go as a toddler, but was a real sleeper. She was still napping as a 4 year old and clocking up about 14 hours sleep/day. She was always sound asleep by 7pm.

We had a tough summer weaning her off the nap during the summer months before starting school.

We did NOTHING after school during that first term. She wouldn't have coped. Instead we made time to play in the park and make friends (me and her).

We did ballet and swimming at the weekends. After we'd settled into a school routine we did gymnastics after school for a couple of years and started various after school clubs from yr1.

We used to have "riding" as a Christmas present when visiting grandparents (convenient present) and also found riding stables to break up long holiday journeys.

Sorry, one more thing to say about music, don't forget they'll need to practice on days they don't have a lesson too. A small time requirement in early stages but does mean finding a slot in your busy day and a parent to organise/encourage.

My 5yo is an activity lover and probably does too much. At 4 she had a swimming lesson, ballet, tennis and gymnastics (so 4x activities) and nursery for 3 days. There is no way I could have done late night swim training without totally burning her out. That feels like an excessive amount of training so young. We go to a swim club now so have 1 club lesson and 1 leisure centre one a week. Our club would not allow a 4yo to be doing 3 sessions. It is a max of 3 sessions at 7 before gradually increasing.

My daughter actually wasn’t tried by school at all but many of her class were utterly spent by 3. Your daughter will have lots of parties etc when starting reception and just much more going on.

Horse riding you can do as a one-off. I wouldn’t start on that path unless you want to haemorrhage cash.

Any activities at this age are about having fun and trying things, not becoming an Olympian or even about passing piano grades.

My activity-lover did music at that age (violin from 3 piano 5) and at 9 loves that she did start early. That's not to say she hasn't been overtaken by the future virtuosos but point is she enjoyed it then and still enjoys it now and has made good progress. Piano is surprisingly okay for little ones, they don't tend to need pedals or big stretches for a few years, and piano stools are adjustable so they can reach. The only thing I'd say is you need a music teacher who enjoys working with little ones. You can't teach most 4 yr olds the same way you'd teach a 10 yr old.

To me, that does actually sound far too much. Dummy underestimate the value of being at home and your child learning to entertain themselves with toys etc as I do think that's actually a skill they need to learn (which is incredibly helpful as they get older). Also, playgroup is often more useful than proper extra curricular at that age as they learn social skills etc.

I'm surprised they need a nap at 4yo... DS is 5 and hasn't napped since 2.5 and they went to nursery full time. I'd say they are feeling a bit overwhelmed and tired if they still need to nap sometimes. I tend to think one activity a day is plenty (on top of school/preschool/playgroup/home based).

Also, as mentioned by others, I'm quite surprised about the time of swimming - DS is 5 and still in bed by 7:15 latest.

My 4yo doesn't do any extra curricular activities. Clearly I'm a rubbish parent and she will never make the Olympic swim team.

Complete waste of money doing piano lessons for a 4yo. £25 plus per hour, kid can barely reach the keyboard never mind the keys, and unless some musical prodigy will struggle with understanding sheet music never mind follow it.

I suspect that the OP might not be in the UK. In other countries 4 year olds are encouraged to nap and activities consequently go on later.

I think it really depends on the child. One of mine did everything going at 4-6 then cut down as different activities started to clash. The other didn't want to do anything structured at that age but built up later. At 9 and 12 they now do similar amounts.

Rhubarb - my daughter was one of the youngest doing 2 nights a week in our swimclub at 6! (But very nearly 7). Definitely none at 4.

By 10 most were doing 3 nights or some 4. The teens were doing mornings as well . We left just before mornings started ...!!!

Way too much, cut the late swim ‘training’ that’s madness at 4

As OP hasn't returned, I'm guessing this is a wind up. Particularly around training three nights a week at 4. DS1 (10) trains with a club and trains twice a week. The 3x a week training is for those in higher squads and lasts for 1hr+ each time. And those squads are made up of teens.

Also agree with comments about not needing lessons if training. We stopped lessons when he joined the club as didn't want him to be taught in two different ways.

Insane for a 4 yo, IMO.

* Yes - way too much. And no four year old should be swim training at 7:30pm.*

^This. Why does she need a nap at 4pm? She is doing far too much.

Sounds fine whilst she’s not at school, this would be far too much next year.

Also my 5 year old goes to bed at 7 so would never do swimming that finishes at 7.30

My 3 year old goes to nursery 3 times a week and no clubs, my 5 year old has one swimming lessons a week at 4pm

What's swim training?

It does seem a lot for a 4 year old. My 4 year old niece is asleep by 7pm!

Why is she doing swim training? Our competitive swimming club won't take them until they are 7 and they cant start to compete until they are 9. Especially seen as she still needs lessons what doess the swim training actually involve? Nelieve me there is plenty of time for competitive swimming to completely take over your whole lives dont let it start at 4!

I agree swimming sounds late. I think the amounts is fine though. It all depends on the child.

My child is 4 yrs and in preschool every day 8 to 3.30 and does 4 different after school/ weekend activities (rainbows, gymnastics, swimming and dance) and it's fine.

Placemarking for OP's response re swimming training. I have never heard of a four year old doing this.

Forgot to say as well preschool is 30 hours a week for a lot of children too.

At 4 dc1 started school so full days and also gets homework. I dont think it is too much if she is happy doing it. The later night one would be better earlier though.