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Original poster

I'm sad about my teen's football experience

106 replies

Stupidcompetitivefootball · 20/04/2021 18:51

My 13 yr old has been with a football club for years. He's not the greatest player. He's not awful but he's not the best. And obviously they only want the best players in their team.

In the past 18 months since they moved from 7 a side to 11 a side he's not had a single minute of game time. The coach told us a while back that he wouldn't get to play but he could still train if he wanted to. He explained that 11s is so much more competitive and "that's just how it is". Covid has been a blessing in this area at least because there has been outdoor training for a while but no matches.

We live in a fairly busy area so you'd think there would be other teams he could join, but no. There is absolutely no fun, less competitive football for kids his age in our area. There are some teams who talk the talk about being inclusive but you have to have a trial and he's tried and failed twice so we decided to stop.

I feel really sad for him. He just wants to play football but he's being told he's not good enough.

I do get it, it takes a lot of time and effort from volunteers to make all this happen for kids and I'm grateful for the experiences he's had so far. I wish I could set up a team for him myself but I am clueless about football. We have 5 a side pitches near us but it's impossible to get a regular slot after school, I had thought I could maybe book a slot on a Monday evening or something and gather up a group of kids in a similar situation and just let them play, I could supervise, but it's all full with longstanding bookings. The staff have put me on a waiting list. It's also quite pricey even for an hour's booking.

We've just messaged the coach to say he will be finishing up. He doesn't want to train any more when he knows no matter how hard he tries he won't get a match and that's fair enough. I feel quite sad. He replied and said what a good team player ds is, how hard he's tried, how well behaved he is. He's just not going to get a match. Poor boy, he's so loyal too, he's loved being part of the club, never missed a session even in the worst of weather. He loves getting all ready in his kit for training.

No wonder kids drop out of sport when they hit their teens, it gets so hard.

Bit of a pointless moan really, we've managed to get him involved in a different, slightly less competitive sport so at least he's still active but it's not the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stupidcompetitivefootball · 20/04/2021 19:18

I've asked around to try and find something else but there's just nothing. I wish I had the time and skills to set something up for him but I don't. His dad hs arthritis and limited mobility so can't do much on the practical side unfortunately.

OP posts:
Original poster
Stupidcompetitivefootball · 20/04/2021 19:15

Thanks @skeggycaggy

I'm sure you're right. He can pick it back up later, he's got fairly good basic skills now.

There just seems to be this gap between younger kids fun football classes and teenage properly competitive leagues.

Then when you're an adult you can organise yourself, or there might be a team at work or something.

But when you're a young-ish teen there's nothing. Even their school, which is a big one with lots of potential players, only has one team.

OP posts:
OldWivesTale · 20/04/2021 19:11

This is what I hate about football. Everyone takes it so bloody seriously. My DS played with a team until he was 16; he's a really good player but he left the team because he got sick of all the bullshit and hiw seriously the managers etc take it. He just likes going to the park for a kick about with his mates, he says that's actually fun; and he used to love playing at lunch time and breaks at school but since he left school he can't do that. It's such a shame. There are lots of boys that would ljke to play im a team but can't and it's really sad. Is there any chance his dad or one of his mate's dads could set one up? Could he not carry on in a 7 a side league somewhere? I know in our area they have a 7 a side league right up to adults and it tends to be less formal- although still very competitive.

cptartapp · 20/04/2021 19:07

I have two sons playing football since they were five, now 18 and 16. One for the same team with the same manager all that time.
They're ok players, but luckily the club does have a philosophy of giving everyone game time although definitely some more than others. The lesser players have kind of drifted away as they hit the mid teens, so it does naturally become more competitive and the better players become resentful of the weaker ones not measuring up.
11's is a bit soon for that IMO, which doesn't say much for the manager.

skeggycaggy · 20/04/2021 19:01

My brother still plays btw - I think he was in the 7th team of who knows how many at university (I played for the women's teams at the same uni, and we only had 2 teams! There were loads of men's teams!), and now as an adult living abroad he plays in an expat team for fun that is a big part of his life. Hopefully your son will have more years of fun football ahead of him.

skeggycaggy · 20/04/2021 18:59

I'm so sorry to hear this, and really depressed that this is still going on. This was my brother's experience in his early teens and I guess I assumed things had changed.

My brother did get a lot of enjoyment out of a "dads & lads" group that arose in our neighbourhood, playing football casually together every weekend in the local park, so I think that is a good idea if possible, but I can see that it isn't easy to create.