December Music Thread

Doubleup, DS felt the same way last year and the start of this (year 8). When I listed all the things he'd done - exams, auditions, concerts etc - it brought it home and I realised he was heading for overload. Secondary school days are so much more demanding than primary, even without homework, extra curricular stuff etc. I fought it initially, but it's become obvious it isn't sustainable if we want a happy, productive child.
This half term, I've let him prioritise what he thinks is more important, and if that means dropping a grade or 2 in some subjscts, or only practising one instrument a night, so be it. We spoke to his deputy head of academics, who was very much on the side of not doing too much - when I suggested DS could do anything he out his mind to, his response was, "But he can't do EVERYTHING". He suggested that DS drops a subject, just so he can do precisely nothing for an hour or 2 a week.

Lurker mostly. But reading about Goo reminded me of someone who at Goo's age was top in her sport, winning national competitions. Then one day she had enough of it and stopped completely.
Difficult balance between encouraging/nagging/pushing too hard.

6 days and 7 pages in - I’m a bit late to the party!

Congratulations on the exam results coming in , and of course to NBB!

Waffle we are having a bit of a rebellion here too with DD2. She was on a bit of a treadmill last year with the NCO residential, then the NCO audition, then auditions for school scholarships, festivals, SATs, the NCO residential with prep beforehand etc. She felt she had o down time. Add in the start of secondary school with accompanying homework after long days and it can all be a bit of a nightmare. Being tired doesn’t help. There is only so much longer that I can accept the “You can’ Expect me to do that because it’s reallyhard starting secondary” excuse; it’s wearing a bit thin!

Had to split our loyalties last night as both DDs had school concerts. I went to DD2s one which went on for 3 hours! We couldn’t even leave early as DD was in the orchestra which was closing the concert. We got home at 11pm with DD upset as she has a Spanish speaking test today and she hadn’t been able to do any revision. I ended up having to write a note to her teacher before Dd would go to bed.

🍷 for Waffle! Do you think in a way her very advanced ability may be working against her a bit at the moment? We had the same but earlier in the ‘tween’ years. It can be really difficult for them to find a peer group or ensemble with the same level of ability/interest as them. Playing classical music can all start to feel a bit niche or as my DD who went to a state school with no music in year 6 put it ‘weird and embarrassing’. She’s now at a fairly musical state grammar school, so it’s no longer embarrassing but she has to be very self directed about it as there are only a small number of pupils who are serious about their music. No doubt about it it’s a tricky age!

Thanks catkind!

I have a friend whose daughter plays so she is going to give me a lesson on how to look after it. I might ask to sit in on a lesson so her teacher can talk to us about tuning.

That sounds difficult Wafflenose.

Then all the better for getting it out her system in a low risk year than later

Love teenagers.

Crap effort grades might be what's needed to focus her mind, and at least they'll be coming from someone other than you.
Or forget about the music side but focus on getting her to do an hour a night homework/ revision.

It's not the same as DS is nowhere near as advanced as Goo but when he has made noises about giving up the piano, I have also made it clear that that does not equate to spending even more time on the iPad.

I don't think I would mind so much about the doodling though. Am sure many professional artists spent their teens doodling (and probably driving their parents spare with it). What we might see as doodling might be their drawing equivalent of practising scales .

But is she doing ok on the bare minimum, Waffle? Unless her teachers are expressing concern, I would leave her to it for now. She needs to find self-motivation, otherwise you will always be dragging her, kicking and screaming. It's ok for her to rest on her laurels and take her time - let her lessons with the current teacher come to an end and see what she wants to do then. She has time, don't panic.

Oh, I totally agree about the gaming point - it's not good for any child!
The point that is stated over and over again by DS's ( high performing and really quite demanding) school is that children need complete downtime - time when they do precisely nothing, to allow their brains to reboot. Absolutely nothing can be just that, or reading, hanging out with mates, kicking a football around etc but it has to be their choice. DS's school has actually bought outdoor table tennis equipment to encourage it!

It's so easy to over-schedule every waking moment of our children's lives, for fear that they'll do nothing if we don't, isn't it? I know I'm guilty of it, so it's something I'm working on. ☺

Piccolo I think you’re right - though I have said the same to ds as waffle has said to Goo ( though mainly about homework) that ultimately it’s up to him to make choices about what he does/ how he spends his time - but whilst he’s living here I won’t sanction him wasting his life playing computer games !! He will need to find something else to do ( as well as getting at least the minimum amount of homework done !!) So far it’s working - but with teenagers I don’t take anything for granted

Waffle, do you think backing off a bit might help her to come to her own conclusion about what she wants to do, musically?
My mantra is " There are many things that are non-negotiable in a child's life, but music isn't one of them". I know from experience that forcing things can be disastrous - my twin sister felt forced to continue music long after she would have chosen to stop, and it didn't end well.
Perhaps if you let Goo find her own way now, she'll choose to continue, or come back to it later, whereas if you coerce her with threats about what will happen if she stops, she might always resent it.

I hope that doesn't come across as harsh, but I just can't see what will be achieved by forcing the issue. If she is a reluctant musician, you won't change that with pressure.

She's had a difficult time recently and may need time to regroup. She's already further on than lots of children the same age, so you don't need to panic that she'll miss the boat, should she decide to come back to it in the near future.

It's a tough time for parents and children alike - I really do feel for you.

On the rare occasion when they’re all home at the same time for more than half an hour they do sometimes play together, yes. DD1 always helps when they need to practise with an accompaniest, and they do like to do funny piano duets and things. They sing together a LOT too - especially in the car, spontaneous harmonies and all - sometimes life feels like a musical. They also like performing funny versions of musicals at home actually - over summer I saw 3-man (or up to maybe 6 man if friends got involved) abridged kitchen productions of Waitress, Heathers, Hamilton, Dear Evan Hansen, Fun Home, Singin’ in the Rain, Annie... it’s very funny to witness.

Hello to all the thread newcomers!

waffle - would Goo have lessons from you as her teacher do you think? Or do you think Goo might be interested in getting more involved in your teaching - perhaps mentoring some of your beginner students? Either as individuals or she could set up a new ensemble group of her own? When I was her age I used to go busking with a group of friends, we would make enough money to pay for going out (to cinema or something) on a Saturday evening. It might be a fresh challenge she needs to hold her interest during the tricky teen years.

If it is any consolation i seem to constantly be repeating "its a difficult age"..... mainly to myself and dh. Parents of teens i salute you all

Hi crucru, exciting to get her violin. Yes rosin on the bow, and wipe the dust off the strings and wood after playing with a dry cloth. And learn how to tune it between the two of you - an electronic tuner or app is a big help if you're unsure. I have a little piano & violinist too, classic combination

Exciting about pancake's littlest's one handed violin too, look forward to hearing how they both get on!

Hi pandas and wow that sounds like a musical household. Do they ever play together?

Waffle do you think she will carry on some ensembles for the social side? A lesson break will give her some thinking time at least.

Definitely sounds like teenagehood is commencing in your house waffle... after DD1 gave up lessons she did start playing more because it was all on her own terms and just for fun, no pressure. Maybe Goo will appreciate the instrument more once lessons are over - and it’s a skill she can always pick up again in a few years even if she does have a bit of time out.

And I know mine rarely do extra to minimal homework (DDs are 12 and 14, so either side in age!) and are more interested in time with friends than pretty much anything else - they often phone in “sick” to orchestra at least once a term because they have social events that they don’t want to miss...

It’ll be a tough few years but you’ll come out the other side! 13-15 is such a tricky age to navigate.

What do her teachers at school say, Waffle?
DS is also in year 8 and a few weeks agk, I would have been saying the same things, but his teachers told us at parents' evening that he's doing well and they're happy with him. I guess the important thing is that they're both doing enough to be "good enough". (There seems to be a suggestion in some quarters that that approach is actually pretty shrewd - why work harder than you need to?)
Obviously, if there are concerns at school, that's a different story, but otherwise, I think what you've described is pretty typical for this age group, so don't despair.

Hang on in there waffle !! Goo will come out of the other side and even if she does step back from music for a bit I bet she doesn’t give it up forever

It sounds like the teenage yrs have set in Waffle?
I would keep the music going if possible though- I think she’ll regret it when she’s older otherwise?