October Music Thread

And good luck to littlelad and anyone else with auditions looming!

Love the cartoon folk. Printing out for our music room.

Sorry your DH isn't quite getting it patricks. & music is physical exercise too.

Patrick, that sounds like a potentially tricky situation.
I can understand that your DH perhaps feels that DS spends all week doing music (I know he doesn't, in reality, but you know what I mean) so should persue other activities at weekends and holidays, and maybe as you say, DH finds exercising relaxing. But forcing the issue and punishing seems like a recipe for disaster.
Do you think that your DH hasn't fully taken on board the enormity of the decision to send DS to a specialist school? I mean, he can't really carry on behaving as though sport is still on an equal footing with music for DS, even if he'd like it to be. Was he fully supportive of the choice to go down the music school route, or do you think this is his way of expressing his disquiet at the decision?

That sounds tough patrick i think i would be tempted to take the 'broken record' approach and just repeat 'we already talked about this and the outcome was X because of Y' . I would probably also initiate a conversation about what level/amount of sport / exercise your dh expect from your ds and if that is reasonable and how it can be achieved. Otherwise you are probably destined for a lot of discussions about this going forward

I sometimes wonder how he would be if we had a girl. Having a boy who happens to be good at sports seems to make DH so obsessive about DS's exercise commitments. He also enjoyed some parental glories when DS was into sports and doing well. Perhaps he can't forget about it!

Surprisingly he was and is very supportive towards DS's choice of school, in some way more than me. He seems to like the school and thinks it's the best fit for DS. But what he doesn't probably understand is the commitment needed and how serious they are in music. He is happily planning a skiing holiday and so on for school holidays, while other families are checking what's up around the time then decide about their holiday...

Did DH support him going to new school and making such a commitment to music? It sounds like he doesn't really accept or understand somehow?

DH wants to send DS to football camp all day everyday during half term, for instance. I explained it's not going to happen and he understood then. But he sent me a link of the camp by email yesterday asking me to persuade DS to sign up (so he forgot about the chat I guess, ordesides to ignore and hope he can push his way if he continues...). DS doesn't need this constant pressure to tick a box for DH, especially now.

Totally agree, Mending. But unfortunately super active DH cannot see it. He just thinks DS is being lazy. We had a chat and he understood then, but always quickly forgets and gets really annoyed when DS doesn't do exercise to his expectation. I don't like DS getting punished when I know he's actually working hard. I wish DH is a little gentler sometimes (he is very gentle and a fun daddy but just has high expectation in one particular area).

patricks it is a major transition and takes some getting used to for everyone. Dd1 has just started secondary school (year 8 here) and even though it's a very gentle environment she's tired. Me and dh have had a good few chats about her need for downtime.

Thanks again Trumpet. NCBB/NYBB operate slightly differently - once you're in, you're in unless invited to re-audtion. I imagine this only happens if you aren't making the most of the opportunity.



Patrick's

And DS did lots of physical activities (trampoline and football) straight after jd, 3pm to 7.30pm yesterday. Surely having a physically quiet Sunday once a while won't be a big deal....

Aw, thanks all. You are so kind and so understanding.

DH is a lot more understanding now compared with how he was in the past. But he is a sportsman inside out, and although he appreciates art and music (he loves opera, Shakespeare, Canaletto, etc) his priority will never change. He is a super proud daddy when DS did and does well in sports. DH recognises DS's achievement in music mostly by noticing others praising him. He feels proud of DS then, but don't understand how much effort were needed to be where he is.

But you are right, he may also be trying to make adjustments to the new life. I didn't think of it. Though I didn't like him punishing DS for wanting to practise, homework and early bedtime. He punished DS a lot in the past when DS wanted to cut down football for violin and took a long time to make him understand DS wasn't being lazy but just found something more important for him.

Oh Patrick I can’t offer any advice either - it’s hard for everyone I guess when things change it I’m sure your dh will get used to it . I know whenever I think I’ve got a nice little routine at home something happens to change it !! I look back quite nostalgically on quieter times when we spent weekends as a family !! And we had nice little routines but high school and teenagers tends to get in the way of that - wherever you go to school !!

Patricks

As Zak says, it sounds like DH is also making adjustments to the new life. Maybe he was looking forward to his special time with DS? Or worries that he is losing contact with him?

Having said that, I can see why you are seething! Feel free to let off steam here if it helps at all

💐 for patrick sounds like you are all adapting to the new routines and maybe DH is finding it tough too.... hopefully things will gradually settle down over time

Don’t know what to say Patrick’s- but wanted you to know someone had read it.
DH is probably working through his own stuff, emotionally- but he’s a guy so displaying it differently?
I wouldn’t worry too much- but maybe have a word with DH- see what he says?

I'm (still) quietly cross with DH. Yesterday DS had NCO in the morning. By the time when we finished our late lunch at home it was nearly 3 pm. Then DS had a bit of chill out time on the sofa till 4ish. Then he decided to practise before dinner and do the homework after dinner, and as he had to go to school early next day he wanted to have early bedtime. I thought it was a sensible plan. But when DS was having break between practice DH came in and asked DS to go out for some exercise. By the way DS had just recovered from cold and also he had a twisted ankle. So DS said no. DS explained he was rather tired today so would like to do practice and homework without feeling rushing, then dinner, shower, and reading book in bed. DS usually does football in the morning and tennis or swimming late afternoon on Sundays. But because of NCO, he missed footy and DH got really annoyed that DS was also going to skip his afternoon sport and told him he was disappointed by DS being so lazy. DH said DS's ankle would be fine once he started running around (how?), DH ran 18 miles yet wouldn't say he was tired so DS shouldn't be that tired by just playing violin, etc. He even pointed at DS doing nothing on the sofa between 3 to 4pm! Then he banned digital for the rest of the day, saying 'no digital if you don't exercise'. He had no idea what DS was going through emotionally and physically. I understand exercise is important, but sometimes find his way too rigid and too one dimensional. Rant over. Thanks for reading...

folk 😂
We instituted a “sweets for scales” program for the younger 2 DSs tonight..., all scales done within 2 minutes!! Desperate times call for desperate measures...

No I dont Think so littleladsdad otherwise ds wouldn’t have got a place a couple of years ago . Good luck to your ds for the weekend

yet you kind of expect it's time to run out the luck each time your DC faces new challenges

Further evidence that my people are on this thread! That is EXACTLY how I feel, every time :-)

Folk that is an accurate portrayal of my daughter