Should we let her give up?

30 replies

Meesh77 · 23/09/2018 16:17

DD2 is 9 years old. She’s been learning piano for two years and is working towards her grade 1.

Older sister also learns the piano. She had a few wobbles and wanted to give up when she was 10-11 but was persuaded to persevere and is glad she did.

My younger daughter is much less inclined to practice. She’s the same with homework - it’s like pulling teeth. They are basically very different children but with (I believe) similar ability. They differ in work ethic and perseverance.

DD2 wants to give up piano. She looks utterly fed up whenever she practices. Have discussed with the teacher, who feels she performs well in lessons and appears to enjoy them.

My inclination is to insist that she completes grade 1, which she has agreed to. She is a child who gives up when she feels challenged, unless it’s something she wants to do - in which case she is the most persistent child you can imagine.

I don’t want to teach her that it’s ok to give up when things get tough, but I also don’t want her to be miserable.

Ironically, the reason we ever considered piano lessons (which you will understand are not cheap, and have necessitated the purchase of a piano) is because DD2 was always very tuneful. She has always sung, and she sings beautifully. She has private lessons and the teacher agrees she has a lovely voice. She was very small when we first noticed this, hence we anticipated she might want music lessons and offered these to DD1 first when she got to the right age, just so that they were given the same opportunities.

It’s ironic really that DD1 has thrived whereas our ‘musical’ DD2 seems to hate it so much. I personally think it’s the discipline of it that she dislikes so much, however I think this is good for her (rather forgetful and chaotic) little mind and the teacher is a good role model.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

ifIonlyknew · 24/09/2018 11:27

mine have very different work ethics too. I also have little idea what to do about it but have got them the Confidence Code for Girls and You Are Awesome as they seem to be about a growth mindset and learning to fail in order to reach your goals (at least I think that is what they are about) as well as build confidence. I think my youngest is like yours (and I was too as a child) and fears not being able to do it or making mistakes. I used to refuse to practice the piano if anyone was around as I didn't want them hearing me. I still only play if I am the only one in the house.

Original poster

Meesh77 · 24/09/2018 00:37

Thanks for your replies, you all seem to agree.

She took a full year to do the prep test, I think she’s been doing grade 1 since January this year. Her pace seems to be the same roughly as DD1, though DD1 started when she was 8 and DD2 at 7.

DD1 would practice and get frustrated. She always had to be nagged to practice, however with maturity she no longer needs this and takes pride in working towards exams. She’s working towards grade 4 and had distinctions at all grades.

DD2 differs in character and is very easily and quickly frustrated. I watched her getting wound up trying to fit some Playmobil pieces together today, whereas DD1 would have been more pragmatic (or asked for help).

I think perhaps I’m struggling with the idea that DD2 doesn’t fit the same mould as DD1, who is high flying academically, patient and diligent.

On the other hand, DD2 is charismatic, confident and determined in a way that her sister isn’t. All excellent qualities, but sometimes more challenging to manage, and I worry that she won’t reach her academic potential due to lack of perseverance and commitment. I suspect however that she will be successful in whatever she chooses to do with her life.

I don’t want to quash her character, but I don’t want opportunities to pass her by, either. She has a beautiful voice; I wonder how you go about auditioning for a choir - does anybody know?

OP posts:

catkind · 23/09/2018 23:55

Question: how long has she been working on grade 1? Only she sounds a little like DS. He isn't a great practiser so the working on grade 1 took a good while and we were all thoroughly fed up of the pieces. After grade 1 with some new and fun pieces to learn and a great result he was a lot happier again.

If I were you I'd get to the exam then have some serious conversation about how she'd like to go forward. Does she want to try a different instrument? (Guitar to go with the singing maybe?) Or a different teacher? Or more fun music instead of exams? Or does she really want to just do singing for now? Doing the grade 1 would be a good stopping point so it didn't feel like giving up.

Zodlebud · 23/09/2018 22:17

Let her just continue with the singing lessons. My DD1 has just given up the instrument she was learning for three years. She rarely practiced and whilst enjoyed her lessons she just wasn’t that into it.

She has also had singing lessons all this time which she adores - the contrast was immense. She sings from the moment she gets up in the morning until she goes to bed. She has since joined another choir (now in 2, one of which is audition entry) and lives every minute.

I agree with seeing it through to a natural break point but don’t force it. It will breed resentment and all the joy that comes from making music will be lost.

Wafflenose · 23/09/2018 17:30

Yep, do the grade 1 and then see if she might prefer to learn another instrument, join a choir or have singing lessons. Piano is very useful, but not right for everyone.

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