September 2018 Music Thread

As Green was expressing her worries about mini's effort into her music for a few times, I thought I would write about DS's case and a bit of my thought (hence very personal and voice of a novice), so you can see there is nothing to worry about (though I understand we, parents, are so good at worrying and worrying!) and miniGreen is dong totally absolutely fine.

DS's practice level was totally average for his age until he started JD. He started with 5 mins a day and he was probably practising 15-30 mins on the violin by the time he started thinking of applying for JD. He also didn't practise everyday because of his other commitments as well as weekends and school holidays were off day for us. However he worked a lot harder when he started preparing for JD auditions as he really really wanted to get in. He practiced at weekends too. Once he started JD his practice time increased but never more than an hour bracket with a couple of weekly day off, mainly because his violin teacher was not keen on long hours practice (she is also anti-music school...). But I think DS became more efficient and productive (not always but a lot better than before) because he improved a lot under her teaching. Up until then, I think his practice level was reasonable for any relatively serious young musician. Any DCs doing something relatively serious such as tennis, swimming, football, dance etc, would probably spend similar amount of time or even more.

But now he is at a place where expectation is a lot higher than ever. He loves music that's no doubt but whether he can cope with the amount of work expected is unsure yet. I don't think how much you can practise equal how much you love or care, especially young DCs. Nigel Kennedy used to hide with a book in a toilet to escape from individual practice sessions. But at some point the attitude has to be changed, like Nigel Kennedy decided to put the book down to practise more. Some can't change or tried but couldn't. Those who realize they can't practise to the expected level would leave the school at some point, which is understandable as not all the talented people can cope with the discipline and workload needed to be a professional or to reach the expected standard in the highly competitive environment. Determination and eagerness are very important quality to keep going after all. And anyway it's not a bad thing to realize it's not their thing and move on. We need the flexibility.

Then there are those who purely enjoy any form of practice and can't just stop playing and it's so natural for them to spend 3 - 4 hours or more on practicing daily. That's wonderful. All I can say is DS is not like that. He is very much of your usual 11 years old who can easily be tempted to do something else but it's not because he likes music less than those who can practise endlessly. Loving music and being able to practise for hours are a different thing, I think. And maturity and awareness play a lot too.

miniGreen is younger than DS, she has plenty time to 'realize' if she wants to put more effort or not. And as I always said this to you, you are a very caring mum.

Dd1 just played with the jd chamber orchestra at the chamber music festival, which was brilliant
The head of jd stopped me after the concert and wanted a chat- for those of you who remember our saga with the head of our district culture school (jd here is organised through the culture school system), well it turns out there are still issues- local head refusing to pay . Head of jd has been trying to apply indirect pressure but is hitting a brick wall.....
Moving house is starting to look like the easy option.....

Thanks, that's worth looking into se22. I've also just asked her and she'd be quite happy to practise at school.

The thing about the after school clubs at their primary school is that they only get to do it for a term, then they have to choose something else, as all clubs are oversubscribed.

At DD's first choice secondary school they get to do it up to whatever grade is GCSE equivalent (can't remember). So she'd have the chance to learn an instrument properly.

Philomena dd plays at home on a Yamaha np13 keyboard with semi weighted keys - I'm told it will do a couple of years and it is quite small

Those of us who are autistic think that we're the normal ones, and everyone else is odd. Just sayin'.

If DD gets into the secondary school she wants, she has the opportunity to learn an instrument at £25 per term. She'd like to learn piano. Can you still learn piano if you can't practise at home? We wouldn't have anywhere to put one.

Thanks all for the kind advice, sympathy and taking time to share your thoughts. Like Loose said, I don't also believe there is such thing as 'normal'. Everybody is different anyway.

I'm usually good at ignoring noises when the intention is coming from too much negatives. But I just stupidly let myself effected in a wrong way on this little occasion... As older posters may know my DS was a sport mad before and her DS and mine were used to be footy mates. So basically DS was her idea of how boys should be before. DS was also not a geeky type and didn't have any social awkwardness at primary school. He didn't go to school and talked about Mozart nor complained he couldn't talk about music at school as he also had plenty interests similar to others. However just because of our choice of his school, suddenly she sounded like she decided to categorize DS in a strange box. She used to call hers and mine 'our boys' but no more. So I was a bit surprised and felt uncomfortable, I think.

But I'm ok now. Thanks to all your kind sharing, I feel like I can laugh at how down I felt yesterday. I know her comment was innocent and probably she doesn't even remember what she said to me already. So it's silly of me still feeling effected!

Good luck to Nosebleed Boy!

DD2 is currently at her school open morning in the music department. She has to do a performance (which she isn’t looking forward to!) and spend time practicing. As she’s there for 3 hours she’s taken all her bassoon music to do sight reading etc, her guitar and her piano music (following her first lesson yesterday). Hoping she’ll make good use of the time

Talking of unhelpful comments, when DD1 was 6, her class teacher used to get really frustrated with her as dd was quite a perfectionist and kept asking how to spell things and (still) learns best when doing something with her hands, so didn’t always look like she was listening. Teacher told us that dd should just have a go at spelling as she didn’t have time to tell her. I pointed out that you only had to tell her once and then it would be correct. She also hinted pretty heavily that she thought we should go to parenting lessons! Ignorant woman! It really knocked DD1’s confidence at the time.

Sorry, meant to add that we respect each others' choices, which is how it should be!

Patrick you've had good advice on here. Just wanted to add that there is no such thing as 'normal' and the woman was talking complete nonsense, as you know. Of course he could go back to mainstream school later if he wants to. Or a different private school. It's not her business to judge. Also she should stop assuming all boys want to do sport - mine don't. I wish they would, but I can't make them!
Among my friends, some of us use the local comp, some travel to a grammar, some go to catholic school and one or two go private.

Patrick, just sending sympathy. I was told by DS's then headteacher when he was 6 that if I moved him from that school it was unlikely that he would ever attend a mainstream school again and I should be looking at Special School placements.

Turned out that his selective mutism and significant ASD traits were due to school-induced anxiety due to the chaotic nature of his classroom in her school. It still enrages me enough that I would LOVE to send said headteacher his school UCAS reference.

I suppose what I am saying is that something can hurt you deeply when it is said but be ENTIRELY wrong.

She asked me how DS was doing at new school so I said he was fine and happy. Then she started telling me that she knew it was a good decision for us to send him there and she was so pleased to hear DS was FINALLY happy. She continued how different DS was from NORMAL BOYS FOR HIS AGE and he would have been BULLIED BADLY if he had gone to a normal school. She said NO ONE would get him at a normal school because of DS's UNUSUAL musical involvement/commitment...

Wow. My DS was always "different" from other boys, at primary and middle school. A bit geeky, was not interested in the same things as other kids (from a very young age he preferred programming and physics to football), didn't seem to "get" other children of his age. All that changed in (equivalent) Y10 when he started to become more sociable and he's now at senior high school and is apparently quite popular. And this is despite the fact that all his friends know he plays piano - when they come round he invariably plays them some Chopin or Debussy lol.

In summary: this woman sounds like a bit of a nutter. Smile politely and move on. I think it sounds like your DS is in the right place for now and if at any point he wants to return to a normal school why couldn't he? He sounds very bright and I'm sure he'll do well academically wherever he is.

How exciting cant!! I’ve got everything crossed for him...

to Patrick. Receiving harsh judgement is always tricky, but it sounds to me like everything you do is totally focused on what is best for DS, and therefore he’s getting the perfect education/life for him. Some people just can’t accept that some children are different!

And green - I’ve never been in my DCs’ music lessons, I didn’t know you’d even be allowed! (They have theirs in school). I haven’t sat in DD2’s dance classes since she was about 6, and I don’t always manage to attend DD1’s matches and competitions. But I attend when I can, and I make sure they know I love and support them in all their crazy endeavours! I can’t believe anyone could think you don’t do enough - just from your posts on here it’s clear how much you care.

Meanwhile in Tabbyhouse:
DD1 has started preparing for grade 5 theory, which she’s taking in November. She’s very lucky to have DD2 and our family friend here who can help her any time she has a question!
DD2 is totally independently preparing for clarinet grade 5 in autumn, having only had 10 months of lessons over a year ago now... we’ll see how it goes. I’ll be immensely proud of her if she even passes
DD3 wants to start piano as well as violin but I don’t want her enthusiasm to burn out so I’ve said she can start proper lessons after Christmas, and in the meantime older DDs/our family friend have been teaching her little bits.
Family friend’s, who I’m going to refer to as HD (honourary daughter, which she technically is for the next nine months!) GCSE revision is in full swing but she still picks up her instruments now and again and is a beautiful player.

And lastly DS1 has gone back to his conservatoire, while DDs 4+5 are... crazy as ever!

Good luck nosebleed boy !!

Nosebleed Boy's UCAS Conservatoire application has left the building. It's a long shot, so here comes the rollercoaster ride...

Sometimes i think there are people who just enjoy judging others, like some form of one-upmanship. Othertimes i think it's to do with their own insecurity. And then of course there are those people who simple can't see anything from another perspective so sit there thinking 'the parents must be presurising that kid, my 'little billy' would never choose to do that'.
I've given up worrying what people think, i've got too much other stuff taking up brain space
Music wise the kids all seem happy and balanced (for now). Dd2 confused me rather marching round the house clapping and claiming she was practising flute, but it turned out her teacher har given her some rhythm exercises - three claps for every four stamps and vice versa. I did point out i would have been less confused if she had said she was doing her homework from 'flute teacher' rather than saying she was practising flute but the distinction was clearly lost on her

Oh green no-one that reads your posts could possibly think you anything but a super dedicated mum. I too struggle sometimes with balancing work commitments (especially travel) and looking after the boys. DH does a lot all the time (not just when I’m away), but he can’t supervise music practice! I’m sure many on this thread are in the same boat.

Does anyone know whether you can buy answers for this theory revision book?

@Folk: how has the practice been today? I only printed your note today as it has been crazy at work. I will ask her starting using it from this weekend. Thank you xx

But you have to practise, with miniPatrick passion and at his level, he must spend time practising, I wish mine could be the same, I wish mine practised. I have opposite problem that I am always worried that I dont do enough and people thinks I dont take care of my children. I do slip many times(not knowing what day is home work, hardly ever present in any of her music lesson, many weeks a year I dont see my children at all during the week especially busy season). Its normal where I come from that women are working and usually earn more than men(its unusual for us women staying at home). Dont worry Patrick, every family is different and is their own business, someone outside can easily judge and they can do it, its life. Whether we care/concern about what they think is our choice.

'grammar schol only'