Dance Moms

Well we do 3 festivals a year as a dance school and get details about others so can enter independently if we like. Costumes are often passed down but yes cost can mount up but what they gain from it is priceless _- friendships, poise, tenacity,sensitivity,fun and the opportunity to dance on two London stages.

Helen that sounds a great dance school - DDs previous studio were also very inclusive for festivals and team events but events were often so costly to enter and then to buy spectator tickets/costume fee - it was a lot for financially for many families and there was a huge pressure from the dance moms to be involved. Very much frowned upon if you weren't competing!! It was maintained that events costs were kept to a minimum but costume fee, entry fee and then spectator tickets soon adds up for a lot of us. It became very frequent on weekends and we didnt have much down time throughout the week with various classes/rehersals and so on.
We have since moved on to a lovely smaller studio with no focus on festivals...... and no crazy dance moms........ !!

Makes me very thankful for our dance school where private lessons are within everyone grasp price wise and opportunity wise. All the dance school are included in the group's at festivals.
Festivals are fun my dds love them and get on well with those at other schools that they 've competed against since being little.
I'm not saying there is no bitchiness ever but it certainly isn't anywhere near dance moms!

I will be having my 3 years old start in 2 weeks time, my elder daughter did ballet for more than a year however gave up not because of other parents comments however on all grand parents comments: these are really little duck moves, how cute.... We will be more persistent with our second!!!

The Irish dresses! Some of them make our tutus seem like good value after all. I know of people who have paid £400-600 for them, some secondhand. People taking part in the higher profile competitions can pay a lot more I think.
I've never paid more than late 200s for a made to measure new tutu. I'd add that we started off with a stretch tutu for the first ever comp, then a secondhand structured tutu, progressing to new made to measure when older. They need not be expensive.

I know what you mean NameNotANumber - we had a brief brush with Irish, glad dd didn't carry on with that one! And those dresses - eyewateringly expensive

Not so much in DD's little dance school but on the wider competition circuit there are lots of fiercely competitive dance Mums.

She does Irish dancing so it is all bling, tans, hideous solo dresses and wigs and to hear the bitching that goes on amongst the other schools is outrageous.

Festivals are good experience but now my dd is applying for schools she has not once been asked how many medals she's won at comp!!
I make a lot of her costumes or buy second hand. Mums are paying 300 pounds for tutus and I just won't!

The festivals need not be expensive, but it is easy to get carried away with costumes if you're not careful. Also depends how much the private lessons are (my child's privates alone, not including dance fees, are £30 a week).

At our school children need a private lesson for solos and have to do at least four dance disciplines. The private lessons are like gold dust, as they're so busy, so they'll only give them to those with potential, which is a shame. It can create a two tier divide at the dance school as the comp children might appear to be favoured but in reality I don't think that is true.

(I would also say that a real disadvantage of football is that it is very strongly anti-academic, whereas IME most dancers tend also to do well at school and this is regarded as a good thing)

Trollmummy, as the parent of a daughter who dances and a son who has played football in a professional club's academy, I can absolutely assure you that the 'football dad' phenomenon (and the automatic question about whether they want to play professionally) is at least as bad, if not worse, than the dance mom one.

Ass a football mum, I found the football dad attitude particularly hard to deal with as it was really quite 'male' and aggressive. DS is / was a goalkeeper, and having a 6'4" dad scream at you that your DS lost the team the game because he failed to make a save is less than pleasant!

Getting into a ballet company is the holy grail for some, they all seem to do other disciplines, though may drop tap dance later on. The ballet girls and boys seem to do well in modern champs too. Musical theatre parents, same schools, are slightly different. Both can be pushy

Not Manchester United particularly, needless to add, but asking if they want to be a professional footballer. People certainly do

Do parents of boys who say they play football automatically get asked if their son wants to play for professionally for Man U?

Yes they do! It's probably easier to have some sort of career in football, there are more opportunities compared to dance.

Keeping it in its place is the right way to go and stay out of the politics.

Well I didn't get involved in the politics, but you do get affected by it if you find out your own child has been discussed and critiqued in a negative light. You have to take some action when your child is distraught. You can only ignore it up to a point.

Keeping it in its place is the right way to go and stay out of the politics.

Very well said Ledkr

I get what you are saying about a ballet career but that's why a wide range of disciplines should be covered ideally.
My dd is a good (not amazing) dancer but loves it so much and this last year (bullying and having to leave school) it has literally been her lifeline. She has had her dance friends and teacher who have been really supportive and her classes mean she is less isolated and still gets to socialise and exercise.
Her dance and singing also mean she has the chance to attend a free school next year and study the arts as well as catch up on the GCSEs she has missed. She wants to travel and work as a holiday entertainer so it will lead to a career hopefully.
I am fifty now and can still do the splits, get no back problems and still dance a bit for fitness so I think my dance lessons were a great thing.
Keeping it in its place is the right way to go and stay out of the politics.

This thread is exactly why I'm so torn about my DD who loves dancing around. I didn't do dance, I did drama as a kid, so I know nothing. The local classes seem to have waiting lists that run from pre conception and I don't have the confidence or the knowledge to know where to start!

Honestly, if she loves dancing, find somewhere for her to dance. I too was an absolute non-dance mum when DD started skipping round the village hall at 3, and she went to her current dance school when she started reception simply because someone we met in the park mentioned it as being close to where we were living.

That will be 10 years ago come September. DD will never be a ballerina - too big - and, while she enjoys competing in a group, has never got anywhere very much as a soloist. She's progressed steadily through grades, and has a lovely set of friends. Along the way she has acquired a phenomenal work ethic, a belief in the role of practice in success, a certain poise in presenting herself, and the ability to both win and lose with a smile on her face.

If you find yourself in a dance school with a dance moms approach, move - ones totally without that ethic exist as well, and there seems no point in avoiding a whole activity 'just in case' Football dads can be just the same, in some clubs. School gate parents, equally. Just choose your company and club.

I asked my grandmother and she doesn't remember the parents being competitive at my ballet school growing up. I only have good memories, though none of us seemed to take it seriously. None of us wanted to be ballerinas. I disliked tap immensely.

Also with my own daughter (20) I didn't pay much attention to the parents, some nicer than others but nobody was unkind. Not something I thought about, which is good I think after this thread. Nowadays we have one small dance school, very good teaching, nice parents, nice polite children. I want my dd's classmates to do well and I hope they wish her well. We've also made some long standing friends and have made some friendly acquaintances at competitions. We also have a larger school (approx 100) which is not so friendly, children without private lessons seem 'lost' in the large classes. The comp team I find intimidating, as they seem a bit impatient with newcomers (flawless hair and make up is still a work in progress for me, especially the make up and I never did care for fake tan ) it's not really our scene the dance competitions.

Dance Moms has a lot to answer for. Though I'm interested in those posts saying it's always been like this, as I think we must have been oblivious, it being only a hobby class for me.