May/ June Music and Musicians Thread

NeverEver indeed, that is why I think grades don't always represent achievements in later life, they do initially but not later on. There are quite a few concert pianists that have studied in countries where grades don't exist, in fact I am pretty sure the vast majority of European countries don't follow any grades, I may be wrong though.

Taking a book sounds like a great idea, I will do so as of next week.

To be honest I feel so at ease on this thread, I know we're not competing, this is a virtual world so even though we are happy for our DCs achievements we have no reason to compete, our DCs don't even know each other. And I feel we can be honest about it all, ultimately we are all in front of a screen so it doesn't affect our real life (except in a positive way I guess, because we keep each other informed and help with a good word when needed).

Whoops - cross post - and good luck to Music's DS next week as well.

I'm astounded at some of the bitchy comments that have been made to prior posters about their kids, and am thanking my lucky stars I've virtually never come across these behaviours in the playground. Definitely not what I would consider friendships! Mind you, I don't think my kids are nearly as talented as some of the DC on this thread so perhaps it all goes on over my head! Personally, Fleur I would probably tackle it head on to ensure that these sort of conversations no longer take place - if this is what is being said to you, what is being said to your DD? . While you're at it, tell her to stop living through her child's achievements and get a life of her own! At that point, you can simply refuse to engage in terms of MiniFleur's progress whether musically or academically and remind the parent concerned that it is simply not up for discussion. Green, I also use FB to show my family and close friends abroad photos of my kids, etc, but I now censor exactly who is able to see these, particularly after seeing some sharp comments on other friends' time lines about parents who brag about their kids. I too like this thread on MN for being so supportive - being a single parent means there is not too many outlets for having a quiet celebration when DS or DD1 reach a milestone, and equally I enjoy seeing how all those hours of practice by small people (and ever patient parents) turns into solid and hard earned results, whether measured through a grade exam or personal enjoyment that comes from mastering an instrument.

On which note, good luck to Goo and Mini Ealing for Thursday.

Green hope the theory exam went well.
Waffle it so helps that here people are sharing successes and even everyday stuff about kids being anxious about exams and how it affects them. It helps all of us to best support our kids.
After I read about Goo and her being critical of herself, etc and how she was I had similar last night with my DS12 about his Gr5 piano exam next week. I am sure he will do well in the end, but he is so critical and judgmental of his performances. He forgets that only a year ago he did not play piano, but of course focuses on why it does not sound perfect.
On competitive friends, it is difficult. Nowadays I do not share much.

Some of these parents sound crazy
We have only had nastiness once and it was a group of women who thought their good school and money made them better than everyone else.
They hated dd because she was better than their dc, because you know we are poor and shouldn't have the same opportunity as them, and of course money and a good school mean instant talent.

I felt like i didn't fit in and it was not a nice experience, but I sucked it up for 2 years, then it was time for dd to move on anyway.
Why do parents do this? Because they are insecure, maybe spoilt themselves, and have to be the best even if they aren't.
I swear I saw a couple of them twitch every week we showed up

Take a good book, or sit and play on phone.
Find a coffee shop if you are allowed to leave and collect later.
Just don't engage with them, ignore them.

As for reading, I can't remember what level mine were at what age.
One was slow, one average and one quick.
If asked I'd just say I had no idea.

Though they do report that so-and-so-great-pianist played all the Beethoven sonata by the age of 3 and so-and-so-great-violinist had lessons with another-great-violinist at the age of 5 and so on ...

The same applies to music grades, I know a concert pianist who I doubt anybody asks "so, what grade were you at 10?" Or "when did you pass grade 8?"

I think once a DC takes music seriously as a career of the future grades are something of the past.

what level my "child" was

Waffle: when people asked me what level my children was in her reading then I asked her then she said, "mom I dont have to do Biff and Chip any more, I choose whatever book I like in the school library even anywhere and at home", it was some time nearly end of year 1, I dont even remember when. Until I stayed at home for my mat leave ( my daughter was in year 1 by then)then I know there is 1/2 books children have to read each week then comment and homework at weekend as it was mainly the nanny or carer's task. To me, we started school at 6, year 1 is too young for anything.
Ealingwest: thats so true hahaha. And even now, at my age, looking back the ones who did the best at schools and/or the best at studying are not always the ones who do best in terms of being successful in their career( and/or earning good money).

The words from a wise reception teacher sticks in my mind when she was giving the year group a pep talk. No one ever asks your child at university "at what age did you start reading". So don't worry about reading levels in the early years...they all get there!

Here's to all approaching exams in the next week/s

I didnt know the reading level at all until my daughter in nearly end of year 1, she wasnt a great reader in reception, cant really read much. She was a free reader sometimes end of yr1, I dont even know what does it mean. She didnt like reading in reception however once she could read well then we couldnt stop her. We now have to restrict her reading time to 1-2 hours a day as a reward to her otherwise she will read day and night. Times table, both my husband and myself are good at maths so naturally she learns all times table in year 1, we didnt know how did it happen. As usual, all I did was stitching the time table to the kitchen wall.( I think I am good at giving all tools she needs, I needs to keep doing the same though: buying books, finding her a teacher, get her a new piano etc)

Good luck to Goo, I originally thought it was the same day as my daughter, Weds in my first post Good luck to Mistigri mini and also Ealingwest mini.

I think its hardest with friends, especially the used to be very close ones. My nanny deals with the playground chat so I am lucky not involving in any. I try to occasionally help out in school trips, fairs etc however hardly have a chance to involve in any conversation. During my 10 months maternity leave with my second child I was too busy with them two and as my second had terrible colic so again I am immunised to the school ground conversation. In here I had couple of bums too even people dont know me hahaha, it happens. With friends especially the used to be close ones when we shared so much during the early days we knew each other then its gradually changed. Mostly because they dont want your children better than theirs. I now have come to the point that I have to put the jealousy to one side otherwise risking losing our friendship(did end 1 friendship due to jealousy issue). At the same time I try not to say/post anything to make them feel jealous sometimes just even mentioning the fact. Its really really hard though. For example I posted a picture my daughter just drew on fb without any comment then someone comment saying: look at this picture, this is what my daughter drew long time ago(in our own language it implies: my daughter can draw much better). Well, manytimes I consider stop using fb as anything I post could have these particular group of friends commenting in a way to compare with their children and trying to say their children are better. Then I learnt, I should just block them and/or ignore them completely. Many of my old friends in distance, family and relatives love to see my posts to see the children and to know them, and its more important to me

Cannot drop and run, DD likes me to watch and I enjoy it also.

Oh yes, the reading levels and times tables achievements, glad we're done with those also, another parent used to compare the reading levels and when my DD was a free reader concluded her DCs school was better as it wasn't progressing DCs so fast.

Good luck on Wednesday with grade 6 piano ealingsmum and to Goo on Thursday!

Neverever

Weds is G6 piano exam. I refuse to engage with the self destruction this time round...lot's of counting to 10 for me the next 2 days...

I'm horrified at some of the things that have been said about/to you and your lovely DCs. Seriously don't understand what possesses people.
waffle what a lovely and very timely piece of feedback for Goo - she must be walking on air! Very good luck for Thursday!
I haven't really had too many problems with competitive mums - we're all a bit more the downplaying types! - but I do know a bit lower down in primary it has got a lot more competitive. One lovely mum was so worried about her little boy playing a piano piece in the school concert because he had to pause briefly before carrying on and she said some people could be mean. I had to point out that I've frozen terribly in a concert, many children stop and start again and anyone who was mean had clearly never tried to play music in front of an audience! She cheered up a bit but I was fuming that someone else nearly spoiled her pleasure in what was an utterly charming performance by her gorgeous DS. He did get a huge round of applause, I am glad to say.

In comparison we've been very lucky, don't think I've ever encountered playground jealousy.

Fleur I think the best advice, as above, is to just smile and change the subject. Do you have to stay to watch the activity, or can you drop and run?

Unfortunately this is one of the side effects of grades, they have become a proxy for academic ability and social status. It's very different here. I don't think DD knows which class (grade) any of the other pianists is in. In fact until we got her renewal notice for the conservatoire, we didn't know what class (grade) DD was in this year - I was amused to discover that she is official in the grade 1 class .

Yes, all this early developing minds come at a cost.... they are sooo demanding...

Nursey? Nursery, I mean. We are not in Blackadder, though sometimes it feels like it ...

I'm thankful that we are past the reading level business. DS2 somehow managed to sneakily teach himself to read, to the surprise of everybody. Nursey said well done to me and I said thank you to them at the same time. Luckily they were very supportive. I don't tell anyone else what else he could do ...

Though today if anyone asked me I would say that they are welcome to a pair of tiresome quarrelsome children ...

I have another problem with competitive mums... mine is truly ahead in many areas and when someone tells me proudly "my dc knew all multiplication table at 9yo" and I am thinking "should I tell her that mine knew it at 6 or should I just smile?". I learned to smile now....
And I read a good piece of advice here on MN. If someone says "oh, your dd is good at x" I try to answer "but they all have their strengths, don't they?" :)
However it is close friends who are the problem... They know that my dd is good at certain areas and they always try to prove that their dc are as good... But I don't need that competition! I know that certain things are achievable but there are things which she was born with. Ah, I learned to avoid such conversations but still get into it from time to time.....

Fleurdelise I have such (competitive) friends! Grrrrr! And I truly know what sort of level all our children, but it drives me mad!

Gosh Waffle that is outrageous! Why do some people need to be so competitive? In the end Goo didn't learn how to read early with a detrimental effect to the other DC. It is like me stating now how dare the other DC be top of their class. It isn't my problem or theirs, I know she does a lot of extra maths at home, her parents tell me about it, I have chosen not to do much extra at home with DD nobody is right or wrong. They concentrate on academics, I decided DD has a musical inclination and supported her that way. My DD doesn't take anything away from their DD, same as their DD is not stopping mine to be top of her class if she wanted to put in the work.