What is best for state-ed kids to do to compete with private-ed?

Interesting one.

My vote would be for 'something performing, preferably in which a very high standard is expected'.

DS plays music - jazz, mostly, but also orchestral. DD dances. Both, as part of that, have to stand up on a stage in front of people and do their stuff, and are expected to do it perfectly ... because they are expected to put in an enormous amount of self-disciplined practice.

As a result, they have confidence in presenting themselves, but also know and value the link between very hard work and a high quality result. Just 'doing' music or dance isn't really the point - it is doing it 'to the utmost they are capable of, with exacting teachers' that makes the difference in their attitude to everything that they do.

Both mix with private and state schooled friends in their chosen activity, and tbh you wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them in that context. So i suppose the other life skill, which i hope tyhey will carry into university and life is that it doesn't matyter which school you have been to - if you work hard, you are as good as anyone.

Both also do competitive sport, but in terms of 'bridging the gap', it's the performing that does it.

I'd suggest learning an instrument and joining the county music ensembles/orchestra to broaden his friendship group. I'd also suggest finding a sport he can do to compete in that isn't a sport taught as part of Games lessons at a private school, unless he shows a particular passion or raw talent in one of those sports; maybe try something like badminton or squash (or skiing and golf as you have mentioned)

Don't be too fixated on the private school comparison. I think those advantages are often borne out of privileged families' home lives and social lives and the private school only plays a small part.

I had a lot of music lessons at private school and after school. I enjoyed playing those instruments but, I really don't think having those skills made any difference when it came to my academic development/career.

Basket, although it is true that the internet makes knowledge more easily accessible, the difficulty nowadays is to teach students how to discriminate between relaible and unreliable internet sources.

There is also an ongoing battle with regards to plagiarism as many children (and parents) find it easy to use the copy and paste buttons far more often than they should. Fortunately, universities are responding well to the challenge by using specialised software that helps them to check and prove plagiarism, so paraphrasing may be a good skill to add to the list .

I went to a v rough state school in the NE - we all had v pronounced Geordie accents. My parents didn't so much because my dad had moved away for a spell between 12 and 16 and my mum was always told off for speaking in the local dialect by her mum. She passed that in to us so I could speak the queens English but also proper Geordie at school to fit in. I still can and it's certainly helped me in interviews and in my career as a teacher in posh southern schools! I love accents but if you can't tone it down a bit and use normal English words when you are speaking in your non native part of the world then I think it can put you at a disadvantage. Also yes to debating - my dad and I had long heated debates on many subjects when I was young, philosophy, religion, science, extra-terrestrial life etc! We didn't always agree but I think this helped me to think outside the box a bit again at uni interviews and I'm sure it's why I managed to get s place at Oxford. Now I teach Oxbridge interview techniques to my students and it's really about eloquently justifying your opinions on a subject.

First News is good for kids, nice short articles on all sorts of things! Also try How It Works Magazine, maybe when he's around 8. My 10 year old absolutely loves it.
My kids are at local state school and love music. I am aware that they could have lessons and orchestras at a private school but I imagine we would pay extra. As it is they do their music mostly outside school and we pay for that. They meet kids from lots of other schools and have a great time. I don't feel they lose out and I encourage them. I also have never talked down to them -if they don't understand what I'm saying they ask me and as a result they both have a fantastic vocab for their age. Oh, and my eldest is definitely dual-accent!

Private school kids at the top private schools get a lot of help drafting personal statements. Don't stress about that. Listen to radio 4, get him to try to read a newspaper every day, have opinionated discussions at home and argue with him as an equal. That and reading widely will give confidence. And it's mainly about confidence!

If your child is still at infants (my assumption as you say no homework) then really I'd stop worrying so much. I used to spend time with a mixed group of mums and children who all went to different junior schools and I don't think that you could spot the couple that went to private school unless they were all wearing uniform. What you could spot is the children who were talked to more as adults than children (so the only children and my two as I never really mastered baby talk) as they were just more articulate.

Later on I think it's confidence you want to aim for, so encouraging them in their interests so that they have things they know they are good at. Discussing/arguing lots, making sure they are aware of and interested in the world and important events, listening to their opinions, and helping them grow strength in their arguments.

If they enjoy drama then I think it can really help with public speaking, guides/scouts can help with resilience (but again only if they enjoy it), sports can help with confidence, but make sure again that they are good at/enjoy it otherwise it is a total confidence sapper. Don't overlook individual sports like climbing or athletics or martial arts, it's not all about team work, discipline and body confidence are important too.

My state educated children have no issue with competing with their independent school cousins - I really don't think that school is the most important factor.

How old is he?
and what is he good at, at the moment? English, Maths, Music?

I went to a private school and am reading this thread with bewilderment!

I only wish I'd had the kind of education described above.

Differences I have found are:

-an expectation that I'd go to Uni. No other options were available as far as I was aware.

-an expectation that I'd pursue a career doing something I'd find satisfying rather than a job I'd do to pay the bills.

-being in close contact with wealthy people and parents with 'professional' jobs I've never been intimidated in those kind of environments. I can hold my own in meetings with doctors/lawyers etc. I don't feel like they are 'above' me.

-I developed quite middle class values/attitudes (I'm not saying this was a good thing btw, maybe it made me a bit of a dare I say it snob) eg tv/pop culture, tattoos, dress codes, etiquette, politics etc

Cubs and a scouts is good, and don't rule out the Cadets when a bit older (lots of private schools have CCFs).

And, echoing what many others have said, speaking with confidence. You just speak more when it's a smaller class at school. If you can find a debating society, that would really help too, for both speaking confidently and framing their thoughts into persuasive speeches.

Otherwise, follow his interests and do everything you can to let him become really good at something - whatever that something is.

It way be easier to find answers, but children still need to know how to evaluate the quality of the answer, to identity potential bias, to dig that bit deeper, and then how to construct their own argument/response to a question.

Guiding/scouting is what enabled me to hold my own at a university where comp kids like me were a marked minority. And DofE.
My regret is not doing the amount of sport that my private school friends did.
My ds will be encouraged to go to lengths to find a sport he loves.
I'll also look into scouting.
And encourage him to have an instrument to around age 14 ish minimum.

Head of DD's school attended a conference with the provost/heads of the top 30 universities in the world in New Orleans last month. He reported that we need to teach our children resilience, independence and perseverence. They feel to many young adults lack the ability to keep going when the going gets tough.

Another vote here for Scouts.
Gives confidence, so many different experiences, ability to talk to people from all walks of life and ages and abilities and interests, and Leadership skills.
Confidence is a huge plus as an adult or young person.

Other 2 suggestions, I just remembered:

• if they ask how something works, explain as you would explain to an adult (albeit using an age appropiate level of language, especially with very young children). It takes time, but eventually, this educating "on the go" becomes second nature.

• let them follow their passions, if they are getting obsessed with a topic, be with them to follow it through.

Ds got a bit interested in socialism, which was a great time to introduce a lot of political thories, he even asked for a particular book about politics for Christmas (he was 10 back then). I know that this may sound well over the top, but I decided to play along and get the book there and then because I knew that within a few days he wouldn't care about the subject and I didn't want to waste the opportunity to teach him about that while he was interested. As expected, he doesn't care about politics anymore, but he knows what the ideas are, and at his age, that is more than enough .

I know someone who carries out admission interviews for a top university. He says that the main difference between private and state educated children is articulation. That privately educated kids seems more confident when answering and seem more relaxed.

To be honest, it is not surprising, when you are sharing a teacher with another 30 pupils, there is very little opportunity to discuss issues in detail and many children can easily fade in the background without having challenging questions thrown into their direction.

OP, Don''t worry too much about the accent he picks up at school, he needs to fit in there as well, as long as he can practice his 'nice' accent at home, he will be fine. DS can confidently switch between the posh accent and a very broad local dialect, he says that prevents him from being bullied. Having said that, I feel my blood boil everytime he slips a 'cos when talking to me.

Teach him to think critically. Talk to him about stuff (science, current affairs, anything really) and challenge him to justify his opinions. These are skills that will be useful in all walks of life.

You can't unfortunately compensate for the unseen privilege that having been to the "right" school confers, especially if he chooses a career where there is a high proportion of ex public school types and the old boy network is still in operation. However, you can make sure that he gets a good education that will serve him more widely and you can try to instill the idea that privilege and ability will only get you so far but hard work is what makes the difference in the end.

Read lots, across all genres
Dof E awards
Cadets
Excellent manners, good eye contact, courtesy
Volunteering

Opportunity - music, sport, drama, art.

Visiting museums and galleries, chatting about news topics, getting a book out of the library on a subject and doing a project on it (history, electricity, politics, environment... Anything of interest).

Ask for his opinions on events, books, politicians .. Get him to think and analyse things 'is fox hunting good or bad?' , 'should children get the vote?' 'Should chimpanzees have human rights?'... Think about the pros and cons - Aquila magazine has questions to debate and lirs of other interesting stuff.

Confidence is a part here - can he blethet on about his favourite book, hero, hobby?

I went private while my kids are at state.

There's a huge difference between schools in each sector so I'm going to assume that you mean "well educated"

I have decided to focus on speaking because it's an important life skill that will help them.

I encourage them to learn about topics that are outside the norms amongst their friends. There is a boy in my son's group who is an F1 expert and it brings respect from his peers and becomes a topic which makes him more memorable and interesting. If I notice my kids really interested in a subject I try to help them improve their knowledge. They all have niche topics (for their group of friends) that they can talk about passionately.
I also encourage them to speak properly - no mumbling, no "ain't"/no slang when speaking to adults.
I think that being able to express an opinion is also important. For example If we go to watch a film we will dissect the film later- it was good/rubbish is not good enough. I think that having an opinion that you can defend makes you seem more "educated" (thinking of people like David Cameron here)
We often end up discussing philosophical topics that have no right or wrong answer. A recent one is if you have a transplant do you end up with traits from the donor? Nobody's a surgeon here so no idea which of my kids (if any) had the right answer.