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Original poster

Tiger/helicopter parents/ Have you been accused.

61 replies

morethanpotatoprints · 02/06/2012 18:34

I am posting here but could apply just as easy as if placed in G*T or Education.

Has anybody been accused of the above by other parents, friends or worst a relative. Me and dh have always encouraged our children to be involved with activities as we think it important. We have 2 older dcs (20,17) and dd 8. the older ones had lots of encouragement and did activities for a while but one by one they went and now have one or 2 hobbies, which we still support when they are willing for us to, lol. My sister announced she was worried about me as I do too much for dd and didn't do the same for her brothers, this was to my dh. I was gob smacked. Dh and I named all the opportunities they were given and the support and encouragement that was no different to dd, except she has continued hers. She said I was a pushy mum and ruining her life. My sister has no control over her dd who is spoilt rotten and has no interests.

It occured to me that maybe other parents who have self motivating children may have experienced this and how they deal with it. I am posting this with a large stick attached to my hand whilst beating dd whilst she practices. I guess some people don't believe that children have their own minds and they won't continue activities they no longer enjoy.

OP posts:
colditz · 03/06/2012 18:44

Yes, both of my children help in the home. They are six and nine, although the nine year old has sn, he is still going to have to look after himself at some point though!

They load the dishwasher, sweep the floor, feed the dog, put the recycling out, peel carrots, lay the table, put their own washing away and fetch their own dirty washing from upstairs, tidy bookshelves, polish windowsills, and generally help!

Or course they don't do all these ins every day, but each child will do at least one of these every day. Regardless of homework, none of those tasks will take more than 15 minutes, and the polishing, sweeping and dishwasher are a joint effort. I think anyone, regardless of age, can take 15 minutes out of a 12 hour waking day to help in the home they live in.

I also expect them to speak to grandparents on the phone whenever the grandparents take the time to ring, as both their grandparents do a lot for us, and it would be outright rude to ignore a call in favour of a hobby.

SheBlackhawk · 03/06/2012 17:45

SORRY I wasn't joking, I guess it sounded more extreme than it is. Don't your DCs have a lot of work? Do they really all help at home? Because DS friends don't do anything at home and I know that for certain. I didn't know my DS was a friggin monster. I thought most 10 yr old boys don't do much at home except getting on with homework, music, sport, time with friends, etc.
BTW family members can interact with him anytime he is fading with a hobby, but his music practice and homework time is sacred time as are my writing hours (I am a writer). When I am writing I don't asnwer the phone because I find it incredibly distracting and people don't know how to call for a 5 min short chat, so why should he be forced to do that when he is trying to focus and practice? Anyway, that was just an example.
He is very considerate, a sweet boy and very responsible with his things. BUT I do not want to raise a self centered monster, so I have decided he will help more in the house. Thank you for your advice.

HRHerrena · 03/06/2012 17:01

sheblackhawk please say you're joking....

Toughasoldboots · 03/06/2012 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

colditz · 03/06/2012 16:57

Sheblackhawk - if you seriously don't make your son do chores or interact with family members because he's busy fading with a hobby, you are going to raise a friggin monster.

You won't realise it while he's living with you, as long as y continue to facilitate and encourage such utterly self centred behaviour. It will be the first other person he lives with who will bear the brunt of it. Pease rethink this .

SheBlackhawk · 03/06/2012 16:53

Oh no morethan... I don't ask DS to help in the house because he has so much work already I am just happy for him to read, draw or do his stuff. Also he has a time table because we have found it's what works best for him, he just gets on with things, no need to remind him, etc. I also remove barriers such as his grandmother wanting to get on the phone with him whenever he is practising music. I tell her: later please. Am I horrible? Am I just helping or am I a helicopter mum? Shock

Toughasoldboots · 03/06/2012 16:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SuePBlovesaDiamondJubilee · 03/06/2012 16:32

I understood helicopter parent as constantly hovering - think standing with arms outstretched behind them on the climbing frame.

PooshTun · 03/06/2012 16:13

You learn something new every day :)

Original poster
morethanpotatoprints · 03/06/2012 14:56

As far as I am aware helicopter parent is not just pushy but apparently removes all barriers to allow the smooth running of the childs life so they can concentrate on the thing they are being pushed in. An example would be not expecting them to help around the home. Running their life to a time table etc. I have never been accused of this one!

OP posts:
PooshTun · 02/06/2012 23:40

I have been called a pushy/tiger parent but not a helicopter one. I'm assuming that its a parent that is always hovering over their kids. If that is what you mean, my kids are self motivating so I haven't felt the need to 'hover'

I can't say that these criticisms bother me much. Being a Tiger Parent is only a bad thing if you are pushing your DCs in a direction that they don't want and/or at a speed that they can't handle.