Tiger/helicopter parents/ Have you been accused.

I now don't carry any bags or luggage. Boys can be a blessing...

Colleger - I think we should wrap them up in cotton wool, literally - especially their hands :) . They can call us whatever they like - I dont really care - do you?

My DS does some chores though...

Colleger: quite right. I have two daughters and neither did regular chores; reckoned they were too busy: demanding schools, extra-currics (see above, self-confessed pushy mother). Turned out OK - both pitch in now without being asked. Contrast with me at same age: sole girl, lots of housework of all kinds, resented it horribly, wriggled out of as much as possible, moaned about brothers not being expected to wash, iron, cook (early 1970s - get real girl!). Consider me lucky, my girls inherited OH's hard-working uber-conscientious genes.

Starry Cole: "I think the best thing parents can instil in their children (in terms of education) is discipline, 100% effort and perseverance." Spot-on. Add to that self-confidence.

I wouldn't make a daughter do chores either. They have plenty time to learn how to wash a plate when they are older!

Just interesting that the self-confessed 'pushy/helicopter' parents who don't make their Dc do chores because the DC are 'too busy' all have sons...

Pianomama, you can imagine my horror when DS told me he was making barbed-wire traps at his home ed camp the other day!

Sorry, found this too late. reminded me of last summer when DS's best friend broke his little finger in a play fight at school literaly few day after his piano exam (phew). I am still so proud of myself for not murdering the little monster . None of my non musical mums friends could understand the horror!
So no rugby or anything involving catching balls for him !
Get a lot of grief from other about it from other mums who's DS are at it all the time and never ever damage their fingers.. but I just can't take the chances. I think I am chicken mother :(

The way you were brought up was unhealthy though. I have seen many parents like this and they cannot accept that their child is not as able as another child and the pressure on the child is immense. If every parent in this country had the same ethic as your parents then you may have been bottom of the class as someone has to be. You have a happy life because you were being competitive in a non-competitive environment. I wonder how your parents would have treated you if you had been less successful compared to your peers.

This type of parenting is based on conditional love.

Another post but this time, I'm posting an opinion .

I think the best thing parents can instil in their children (in terms of education) is discipline, 100% effort and perseverance. If my kids could be good at those, I'm sure it'd take them through life, a ok. That's what I was taught by my parents - much more important calculus or quantum mechanics......

I'm not going to give you my point of view but rather my experiences growing up with a Tiger Mum and where I am today. My mother was a true Tiger Mum (from a communist country in Asia - I won't name where to protect my identity). We were immigrants to this country and my parents could not accept the style of education being taught in this here. I'm just saying the style of teaching was different to how my Mum was brought up (so please don't flay me for saying so!).

Expectations during my childhood was extremely high for all activities and straight A's were expected. I felt the pressure even at Primary school to outdo/perform and be the best. I got into an excellent school. It was taken for granted I'd go to University. Same for all my extended family. Tiger parenting was the norm in my parent's social circle as well.

Fast forward to today, and myself and my siblings are all degree educated (minimum 1st degree). I have a well paid job in the city. My cousins are in the medical industry qualified as doctors, pharmacists. All my asian friends are lawyers/doctors/dentists and a number are Oxbridge graduates with heavy weight careers. IMO - This is by no coincidence. [BTW - I turned out ok and still get on with my parents].

In my workplace, I have a German speaking colleague who are taking their kids to learn Mandarin on Saturdays. My workplace will only interview graduates that have top University grades (not just top grades but from top IVY league/redbrick Universities) and we receive hundreds of graduate applications globally for every vacancy we have.

So although we can all debate what's right/wrong the best of way to teach our kids, there are parents like my German colleague who is doing everything they can to get their kids to the front. We need to realise this even for our kids to stand a chance as we are on a global competing (and global standards) platform to obtain a 'good well paid' job in today's workplace.

Good post :-)

Tiger and helicopter are different? Tiger - pushy; helicopter = micro-managing. You can be a tiger helicopter too, lawd help you. I got classified as pushy and stuck with it - thick skin, tiger-like snarl helped. I reckoned they were only young once so make the most of the opps. My kids' criticisms were usually about what I didn't let them do but they now admit they've also discovered there are only 7 days in a week and you have to sleep sometimes. So stick with it folks, they'll thank you. Helicopterism I struggle a bit more with. Helping to manage time and activities was definitely important, even in late teens for one, and encouraging to think about how to manage themselves. But if the word 'fussing' could be applied, then it was time to breathe out and back off. Oh - and I never ever interferred at university, which is where helicopter parents get particular stick - stayed in a B&B if I went to see them. They rang or emailed for advice or help if they needed it. The feeling of responsibility lifting from my shoulders was bliss! A job done, not perfectly, but as well as this mother could. Miss 'em!

Well, I guess I'm a helicopter/tiger parent on this count.

My kids have done minimal household chores in term time ( diff in hols) but the eldest 2 seemed to pick it up pretty quickly once at uni - hardly takes a lifetime to learn how t wash up.

And the youngest is a serious musician and if I added any chores to her usual day, she'd be up til midnight every day... So to allow her to achieve her potential she is excused all but making her own bed.

And by all accounts, they've turned out to pretty popular happy kids.

Bloody hell. I hope the school came down hard on those boys.

The most dangerous place has been at his music school where two boys, on separate occasions, threatened to break his arm! My son is an adrenal junky so although I can steer him away from Rugby I could never keep him injury free!

He's reminiscing now. It wasn't my dh that broke Aled Jones' leg in a football match, it was his friend....honest.

Is he really go to avoid activities in case of injury? How old is he? My dh wasn't put off and made a mess of his finger whilst playing in goal at the age of 27 Fortunately he is not a pianist as his finger is still a mess, but if he'd been kicked in the mouth..... Curiously it was 2 teams of musicians playing!

I have become a helicopter parents once my son decided he wanted to be a musician. It costs so much in terms or time and finances that I do encourage DS to avoid certain activities where there is a strong chance of breaking a limb or digit. I hate it and I do try and compensate - he's a great swimmer and rower! in saying that he nearly fell off the side of a mountain not that long ago so I'm not completely OTT.

Yes, I know some people think that my daughter's hobbies are excessive... and I've had a few comments, but by and large I don't really care.

My DDs are 8 and 5 and have got quite a hectic schedule:

Monday - Gymnastics DD1, 3 hours, DD2, 1 hour
Tuesday - Dancing. DD1 2 hours, DD2 1 hour
Wednesday - DD1 Gymnastics for 3 hours and DD2 has 1/2 hour of swimming
Thursday - At the moment, a free day
Friday - Gymnastics DD1, 3hours, DD2, 1 hour.
Saturday - Usually day off. At the moment, DD1 has got extra lessons for her ballet exams that are coming up.
Sunday - DD1 3 hours of gym.

I know parents (on here and in real life) often comment about lack of free time and the like. But at the end of the day, DD1 has only got 2 hobbies, which she both loves. She does competitive gymnastics so that it quite time consuming. However, I'm very conscious that one bad move at gym could result in a broken bone and bang goes the gymnastics. I don't want her life to be just school and gym, I want her to have something outside of that. So she is allowed one extra hobby. I do not care what that hobby is - but I want it to be just for fun, no pressure, something she doesn't have to work at, something that she purely enjoys. I don't care whether it is brownies or kickboxing. DD though has chosen dancing... and she's quite good at it. She was asked to do extra dancing and compete at festivals, but we've said no to that as the gym is too much. It is nice to know that that is something she could fall back on if the gym doesn't work out (and her dancing teacher has said as much).

Outside of that, she doesn't really have chores but she is expected to be independent and get herself sorted for school etc.. and at the weekends, she is usually off over the park, riding her bike, calling for friends etc...

So yes, we have a timetable of sorts to manage her gym / dancing schedule, but outside of that she is free to do what she wants and she comes and goes accordingly.

Thanks hardboiled it's lovely to see how the 'timetable' works. And yes it was more a to do list type thing I had in mind.

I was also thinking he could learn to shift things about so if he doesn't practice music one evening he can decide to shift it elsewhere.

This has all come from the fact I have realised he has forgotton the basics in life and he needs to be more indpenedent.

Jeysus cool it. That was not what I was saying or at least intended to say. I did not say it is the same parents who encourage house chores and encourage to fight back. I put commas in between. Next time I will put full stops. I am typing fast here. There are lots of different styles of parenting out there. I just said it is one specific type of parents who get all the bad press these days.

I just wanted to point that that I thought your post about 'boa constrictor' mums was a load of old bollocks, hard boiled.

Why on earth would a child whose parents believed in household chores automatically be encouraging him to be tough and fight back, and calling him 'stupid'? Utter load of old tripe. Particularly given that in your next post, you regaled us with tales of how your brother got off without doing the wimmin's work after dinner?

Load of old guff.

Youarekidding, we finally prepared a time table a few months ago after having to struggle to fit everything in and DS never knowing what was around the corner. It really has been a brilliant idea. He is so happy with it, he knows what's coming when, so it's never a surprise, he knows that when he is finished he will have time to do other things, and he feels it is HIS thing. I used to pick him up from school and he'd ask me "what do I have to do today?" and I'd say, well I don't know it's not for me to say, do you have homework? do you want to play music? do you feel you need to practice the spellings for tomorrow's test? and it always felt like it was me who pushed and pushed. I was so tired of it. Now instead he lets me know. "When I get home I have to do this, and then this, and I mustn't forget to do this". I don't have to remind him at all! And he decides the order everyday and what he wants to start with. It makes him feel grown up and independent. He is twice as fast too, because he knows what it is and calculates how much time he will have left when he is finished! No doubt it will be very useful in secondary school. If he has a friend around, or family visiting, or something special, things just get shifted in a relaxed way of course. We just found what suits his personality. But children are different. When I was a child I loved having a diary where I wrote what I had to do everyday.
A timetable won't make him a brat. Whatever they say about me - helicopter, tiger, mosquito - DS is not a brat. Believe me, I'd love it if he didn't have any homework, but as that's not the reality, we just have to find solutions to get things done.

My DS (7) is expected to help in the general day to day chores that affect him. Washing in laundry bin, plates to kitchen, tidy room etc. He also strips and re makes his bed.

He has just taken on music lessons at school (his choice) which will require him to practice and also he has spellings/ reading to learn and weekly homework. He has one swimming lesson a week, 1 club session after school and I am gently trying to persuade him to join scouts - so far he is not keen!

Despite all this DS is totally disorganised and quite infuriating at times with it and I was considering drawing up a timetable of things he could tick when done (including washing and brushing teeth!) to try and encourage independence.

Would I really be raising a brat if I did this? DS, so far, has been a very well behaved and passive child and will do things when asked but just doesn't get prioritising and leaves things to the last minute.

EG: I'll say bedtime in half hour. DS will say OK, then when I say bed annouce he hasn't done his spellings. I just think having a list will help him remember and organise fitting them in.

morethan - I accept what you are saying but I have a couple of Chinese friends who aren't too happy that Chinese people have become synonymous with OTT pushy parenting :)