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Extra-curricular activities

Find advice on the best extra curricular activities in secondary schools and primary schools here.

Original poster

never being picked for any team / low self regard

34 replies

lins2 · 27/01/2012 10:38

Why do sports teachers fail to see the damage done to the kids that never get picked? My son will find out today that yet again he's not picked and the usual suspects will trot off, win their match, come back with medals and be congratulated in assembly as they always are. The others will have to sit there and clap while feeling they've failed again. Just not good enough. It's a hard lesson at 8/9 isn't it? I'm told it's life and life is tough. Well we all know that - but does the crap have to start at primary school? My son is dyspraxic and has made such huge progress. Can they not pick him just once?
They're so heartless. They only care about winning and all the other things they say are empty and meaningless.

Any advice? This is my first visit to Mumsnet - I just want to go get him and give him a cuddle.

OP posts:
Original poster
lins2 · 27/01/2012 11:43

EW - thank you for your comments. I think the school would say it is doing most of what you rightly identify as good practice. In reality however it is the same children who achieve across the board at our school. They have the most housepoints so get their certificates first, they win more medals out of school for their sporting endeavours so come up in assembly more..and so it goes on. These kids in our school are amazingly confident and able and are brimming with energy and enthusiasm for life. Not really surprising as each day if filled with positive reinforcement for them. Not so for my son, although we do our best at home.

Is it any wonder people are put off sport at an early age? THe Govt should look at sports teachers..........

OP posts:
PattiMayor · 27/01/2012 11:41

Edith - the OP's DS isn't in secondary school, he's only 8. But agree that other achievements should also be celebrated in assembly, not just sporting ones.

I agree with you lins2 that they shouldn't always pick the 'best' children to be team captains nor that they be allowed to pick the teams. That will always result in the less able children sitting on the sidelines.

Original poster
lins2 · 27/01/2012 11:35

Hi Patti
It's football - and yes they do have a B team which he occasionally makes as sub. He plays for his local team and is their leading goal scorer! Despite this he has no confidence and yes he has exactly the same experiences you had, lots of comments like "Oh no, not him" or just the dreaded one of letting the 2 captains pick the teams and always being the one left. Personally I think the sports teachers who continue that particular practice should be especially ashamed. It's just lazy and spiteful.
Thanks for your help.

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 27/01/2012 11:34

I think fully competitive sport is the norm in secondary schools.

The problem here is not so much about picking the A team on merit, but on what what opportunities there are for non-A team players (the majority of children in the year) and in how fixture results are described to the wider school population, especially in comparison to other achievements.

I think having more than one team available for fixtures is good. Can this be encouraged in your school? For example, fully selected A&B team, and then a C&D team through which any pupil can be rotated? (How many pupils in the year? Even 4 tasks might cover less than half).

And then what other achievements are applauded in assemblies? Are there Awrds for art, music, drama, academic achievement? DofE awards? Competition winners? Effort certificates? Good citizenship certificates? If there is a good range of things celebrated, it is both good for the life of the school in rewarding a diverse range of good performance, and good for individual pupils as it maximises the chances of their individual strengths being publicly recognised.

Original poster
lins2 · 27/01/2012 11:25

Sorry that should say 'Cry' not dry!

OP posts:
Original poster
lins2 · 27/01/2012 11:25

Thanks for your honesty PushyDad - you're right about the attitudes of other parents. My son's 'best friend' has now 'moved on' and only plays with the A team boys. Double bad whammy for my son. His parents just shrug and say that's life.

I have tried to chat about this with the sports teachers and the HM - I have prefaced every conversation with my acceptance that some kids are better at sport than others etc etc etc, and that life is about competition etc etc, and then to ask them if they are aware that kids dry themselves to sleep over this stuff? That brave face quickly dissolves at home..
I agree that competition in schools is inevitable and probably a good thing but does it have to start so young? My son is a July baby so young in the year. It is no coincidence that the sports teams are full of Sept/Oct boys.

Is it simply that the sports teachers were always good at sports, always picked and therefore simply have no idea?
Thanks for your time though.

OP posts:
PushyDad · 27/01/2012 11:20

Good idea Patti. Our old primary had a B team that played other school's B team just fun as opposed to having a winner and a loser.

PattiMayor · 27/01/2012 11:15

lins2 - I was your son. I was always picked last for sports at school and whoever got me on their team would moan 'oh do I have to have Patti again? I had to have her on my team last week'.

It totally put me off sports and I didn't bother to even try, just stood and watched the hockey ball bounce past (after all, if you don't want me in your team, why would I make an effort?)

Unfortunately, many PE teachers are very competitive and they want to win at all costs so actively encourage this kind of behaviour but I think it's really wrong. :(

Can you speak to the school about having a 2nd team or something (no idea what sport you're talking about)

PushyDad · 27/01/2012 11:10

My DS is the kid that always gets picked whether it is for sports, G&T, music etc but I can understand your pain.

He is Year 7 now but his headmaster at his primary school is your kind of HM. When the PTA decided to put on a talent show he wanted there to be no 1st, 2nd or 3rd, just kids having fun, but he got voted down by the parent governors.

What I am trying to say that often it is other parents that are the ones responsible as opposed to the HM or school.

I was recently looking at the video of the minutes leading up to my DS being announced the eventual winner and I saw the excitement and then deflation on the kids that didn't place. They of course put on a brave face when they congratulated DS which made me feel even worse.

IMO competition in schools is good but I don't doubt that my opinion would be different if my DS was the kid that never got picked.

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