never being picked for any team / low self regard

Hi SageMist

Yes my dd loves roller blading, ballet and swimming. All activities outside school. I'm determined she does as much exercise as possible and learns to love being fit and energetic, as I didn't do any sport at all bar PE.

I was that child too, never picked, put me off sport for life. DD looks to be heading that way too.

However, I have gone on to find other avenues in life that I would never have considered. I work in a career that doesn't require a hugh amount of team work that other people hate because of that. And I am very independent because I learnt to be, through never being picked.

With DD we accidentally found a sporting activity, roller skating, that she can improve in at her own pace. It gives her lots of kudos with kids in school, because she can do it and they can't. We found a very good teacher and that has really helped bring on her confidence.

Just found this thread. It's close to my heart. I loved sport at infant school - was not great, but very enthusiastic. It took one term at Juniors for all my enthusiasm for sport to disappear and TBH I blame it for my lack of interest in anything sporty now I just can't get over my feelings of how rubbish I am to embarass myself

Roll forward X years and my dd is going through exactly the same thing I really can't understand why so many private schools manage to involve all children in sport, but state schools seem to miss the point so massively. I know the schools want the kudos of winning every event, but surely the health and fitness of the pupils should come first. If children do not participate in sports events right at the beginning, then they fall behind and then will never be selected/learn the techniques required etc etc. It makes me so and I really believe a change is needed.

For the OP, my dh is dyspraxic and found that he excelled at climbing and it really helped his coordination. He has climbed in the Pyrenees etc.

As a sports coach who has worked both in clubs and in schools I have always advocated 'a game of three halves' - the outcome of the game/match is based on the first and third halves but in the middle half the kids who were not chosen for the 1st and 3rd halves get to have a game. When organising competitions I always try to have a 'Plate' which means teams knocked out in the first rounds get to play each other again in a parallel competition.

My specialist sport is athletics and I believe that EVERY child should have a go at this as there are so many areas that require different skills when we are talking about running, jumping and throwing, and each child can always make progress because they work against their own 'personal' best. I have always had smaller children doing 'continuous relays' with teams of around 8
children, so can mix abilities well and no one gets left out.

I feel that within these criteria the majority of children who WANT to take part (not those who are taking part because they are trying to please some one else), do make progress and ejoy themselves.

Do you maybe think that the reason the A team boys are super confident, is because they're the kind of children that are great at sport?! Certainly the case where we are. DS1 goes to a very competitive grammar school and will not get in any teams there, so we make up for it at the weekend and he plays football and cricket there. He doesn't always make the team for cricket but that's life. He started playing when he was primary school age. You need to maybe findsomething he's better at and not worry about the school stuff.

I agree there should be more than one team as suggested above, An A team, B team and possibly C and D if there are enough kids interested. BUT, I also believe that the A team must contain the pick of the very best of those kids for that particular sport. They are competing against other schools and therefore need the kids that are most likely to win.

I've seen it from both sides, our school had a fabulous netball team last year that ended up winning the borough final. The netball teacher was under pressure to mix the team up this year and be all-inclusive with different abilities so everyone got a go, it has been a disaster.

completely agree with you that it is crap though, me saying it (that last sentence) doesn't mean it is how I want it to be, I guess I just accept it...

My other son is dyspraxic (used to think he was "just clumsy", poor boy) and gets very upset about not being "top" for anything, so we'll see how he will fare....He has already started lobbying and accosts the sports teacher whenever he sees him, and tells him he expects to be put in the A team next year, and if he can have that in writing . My mum calls him "Little Obama" as he is such a politician. Anyway, back to the point OP: I agree with you, and hope you find a new, better school.

IMO a good school should find out, for EACH and EVERY child, what their strengths are, and then work with that! Every child is good at something.

Good luck with the Judo!

oops fazed

I think Judo is a good plan. My DD (5) does it & loves it, and so do friend's sons, and we all think it has improved their confidence in the hurly burly of playground life, running round playing football and tag games at break etc. DD is no longer phased when someone "tackles" her in the playground. I hope he enjoys it - and they look very cute doing successive roly polys down the mat.

just read whole thread, you HAVE spoken to your teacher.

Anyway, my advice to try martial arts still stands. (karate has less contact than judo, is more about sequences of movements (kata's) and control. It is quite elegant really, somehow.). If you live in a village or town, there are often classes in the village hall (ours cost 4 pounds a lesson)

Op, what sort of school is it, in terms of atmosphere and HT?

My 9 year old goes to private school now (started September), and it was a bit of a rude awakening from the "it is all about taking part" ethos of the village CoE primary, to "you are not good enough to be picked" at the new school.

Reality is that he has been put in the B team, but he is quite pleased to be chosen, at all. When the A team goalie broke his leg, DS was given a chance to replace him in the A team. He did o.k.-ish. He has his first rugby match this week (B team) and is excited (I am scared, it is contact rugby). The sports teacher tries to give everyone a chance at least once, and is also very approachable and sympathetic (it was one of the things I liked about the school). Could you approach your teacher?

Anyway, I felt worried about all this, but interestingly DS is very philosophical. he says the other boys are just better, and he is good at other things (like karate, which he does outside school). I am more upset about him being left on the bench than he is. So I have decided to "let it go" and leave my anxious mum feelings at home.

So I think you hit the nail on the head that sport has an influence on self esteem, but it doesn't have to be in school. We do a few activities outside school. Would that be an idea? DS seems to get lots of self esteem from his Sensei at karate, and it is something he is good at. Better than team ball sports. Maybe try judo, karate, tennis or climbing?

also bear in mind, your DS will not be the only one, it should be about half the class... And all the A-team do sport non-stop at the weekend as well, so no wonder they are better, fair do's really...

lins - I am a bit worried as the junior school which is loosely linked to DS's infant school is 'excellent for sports' and if that is where their focus is then he is going to flounder.

My nephew is dyspraxic and it is a really hard condition for other people (even teachers!) to understand/make allowances for so you have my sympathies. I hope you find him a school that celebrates his skills and who he is as an individual :)

How about swimming - and then he would have an advantage if his secondary school has a water polo team. By memory, there was little overlap between the rubgy / cricket boys and the water polo team at my school. My own suspicion is that the rugby boys would have sunk . They had nicknames like "The Wall" for a reason! One other thought - if he's good at football out of school, maybe take a video and show the sports teacher what he's missing / failing to encourage! Sometimes teachers don't realise if a kid isn't pushing themselves forward. Good luck - you have my sympathy and it can be pretty rotten.

I was the last to be picked for any team too.

(I know nothing about dyspraxia so I apologise if this not relevant) Could he be gently steered towards something like judo where he can take in certificates for celebration assemblies? Also cricket at this age seems to be everyone gets a turn at batting, bowling & fielding (the kid who is good at all three at 9 is rare?) also it is a team sport but you are not reliant on others to pass to you.

I'm really sorry that it has come to that :( Your poor boy and poor you although I'm glad you managed to say your piece - let's hope it makes them think.

I suspect I may be where you are in a few years' time - DS seems to have inherited my total lack of ball/eye/hand/foot co-ordination

"Are we allowed to swear on Mumsnet??"

It's more than allowed - indeed you'd be forgiven for thinking it compulsory.

Sorry - I somehow muddled up the second post (about year 7) with OP.