is there anything that your dc's do that doesn't involve grading, exams, competing etc..?

horse riding, one-off art work shops, Violin (in theory been working towards Grade 1 for over a year now), Badgers.

DD does arts and crafts classes. Definitely no exams or grading and how competitive can it get really?

what age are we talking about? I'm assuming primaryish. I think as they get older things naturally get less assessed. They may get part time jobs, volunteering activities, Duke of Edinburgh for example and then a lot of the things that they did when they were younger that they were assessed for (eg music/sport) they tend to continue but in a non-competitive way, eg just playing in an ensemble for fun or helping out at their sports club rather than doing grades/actual competing.

DS does swimming and there's no grading involved. There's an after-school art club that we don't do in term time but offers holiday sessions that he does do sometimes. He's probably going to start drama classes in January, too, and AFAIK there's no competition/exams/grading there.

ds1 is in a recreational climbing club. they also all ski. and all do brownies/ cubs/ pathfinders which do have badges but the ethos and testing is 'do your best' on a personal level, rather than 'be the best' which i think is a big difference.

one of my girls does do competitive dance (ds1 did last year, but not this) and they all swim (lessons are graded to ability but i don't see this as competitive tbh). dd2 is in a recreational dance programme as well - no exams etc. they do take part in the end of year show, but it isn't a competition, just a display of what they have been working on.

give you an example o f what I mean. One sport my dd does (which is all very chatty and sociable and totally stress-free normally), I was talking to the parents of one of the boys and they told me (they are keen for him to win a scholarship to America at some stage and they are starting now getting stuck well into the training by the sounds of it. Boy is 10.) that they had been getting him to practise whilst they screamed insults at him to shake him up. They said this is stress training so in a game he would still perform well even if he were nervous.

People like that, although nice enough in themselves, are seriously weird when it comes to ambition for their kids and how they work them. This is what you have to keep an eye out for whatever your dc do. There are serious whackos involved in their dc's music too but thankfully not where dd does it as yet.

dd does music (loads of it)- no exams, no competitions, no gradings
she does scouts - ditto, no tests/badges, in fact I am mystified as to what they actually do but seems to be a blast
sport - one is totally non-competitive, just practice together, relaxed, friendly, no competitions, no matches
(other sport in summer - plays against other teams but all very fun and low key and not stressful and competitive, at least not yet).

also art - nowadays she does occasional workshops rather than a weekly thing due to the music taking over her life, my life , everything, but these are always relaxed and non competitive too

don't worry, not everything is about being better than someone else, you do though have to monitor coaches/trainers and parents to get the feel of a place. Some dc thrive on competition mind and there is fun for them in that aspect of it. Depends how it is handled

Orchestra and multi-skills at school.

DS does French Club, Stagecoach and Beavers (not competitive)

drama clubs

Woodcraft Folk? Do they still exist? Cubs, Scouts, Brownies?