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Original poster

I just want to be left alone!

29 replies

Puncturedbicycle85 · 28/06/2023 07:48

Hi, I’m not sure I’m being over sensitive but it’s starting to annoy me. I am a member of a gym and go about 4 times a week. I do mainly weights when I am there. About a month ago, this guy who is a trainer at the gym came up to me and told me my squat form was bad. I did appreciate the pointers and have taken them on board. However, since then, I have been aware of him all the time. He is there every time I am there and even when he is with other clients, he will be looking over. If he needs more plates for his client, he comes to my squat rack to get them, even though there are another couple of empty ones in between. Yesterday he told me that I should use bumper plates rather than normal ones for my barbell deadlift (the main reason I didn’t was because the bumper plates were located just where he was training his client). I just nodded and got on with it. He had this chat with me while doing a training session with someone else. I never invite interaction and try to avoid him if I see him.

i know good form is important but mine isn’t that bad and I’m happy with what I am doing! I’m not seeking to get a PT at the moment and I don’t think I am doing anything dangerous or that will injure me. Is it too much to ask to be left alone? I feel really self conscious now doing movements because I know he is watching.

He has also explained one of his “tips” with “I just wanted to explain what you were doing wrong and that’s why you’re not getting any results” which I found quite offensive. How does he know if I am getting results?

by the way, im not suggesting that he fancies me or anything. I think he wants me to sign up for training and on his IG page he is always saying he has spaces for clients (apparently he specialises in women’s fitness). I just don’t want to do that and just want to be left in peace and feel like I’m not being scrutinised. Ugh. The gym chain has a branch near my boyfriend’s house so maybe I should change to that one instead.

OP posts:
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Original poster
Puncturedbicycle85 · 29/06/2023 17:48

SideWonder · 29/06/2023 17:20

It may be that he's noticed your form was bad once and is trying to keep an eye on you to prevent you from injuring yourself and encourage you.

Yes, this is what I thought. I see bad form all the time, and my PT and I clock it, but my PT says there's no point in offering people corrections. I think that's a pity as you could injure yourself. I sometimes have other PTs at my gym give me pointers when I'm working out independent of my trainer - my feeling is, I can always learn! And if I know the advice doesn't work for me, well, I don't have to take it.

Hmm. It’s really not having the right effect though because it’s putting me off going knowing that he is watching me. Not sure why he has to do the borrowing plates from my machine thing either.

OP posts:
SideWonder · 29/06/2023 17:20

It may be that he's noticed your form was bad once and is trying to keep an eye on you to prevent you from injuring yourself and encourage you.

Yes, this is what I thought. I see bad form all the time, and my PT and I clock it, but my PT says there's no point in offering people corrections. I think that's a pity as you could injure yourself. I sometimes have other PTs at my gym give me pointers when I'm working out independent of my trainer - my feeling is, I can always learn! And if I know the advice doesn't work for me, well, I don't have to take it.

justrude · 29/06/2023 04:06

VaddaABeetch · 28/06/2023 10:02

Be ‘rude’

I don’t want your input. Repeat, repeat.

Be prepared to be called a bitch.

You don’t owe this or any man your time.

This.

It makes me so sad that you will probably be called a bitch, but let's face it, his conduct and language has been pretty awful up to now, and this is usually how these things play out.

I have zero time for these men coming to save us poor helpless females from ourselves.

I would drop an email to the gym for good measure, tbh.

smooththecat · 29/06/2023 03:24

He fancies you.

Fraaahnces · 28/06/2023 16:21

Honestlt, roll your eyes as you pull out your earbuds and say “What is it this time?” Or “What now?!?!” and then “Really? FFS….” Under your breath once he’s answered.

Coffeetree · 28/06/2023 10:14

There is literally nothing rude or controversial about saying "excuse me" and continuing what you're doing.

Littlethingsmeanalot · 28/06/2023 10:07

Look if you’re worried about confrontation then next time it happens just say look mate thanks for the advice but I much prefer to be left to get on with it.

put the ear buds back in and turn away,

Original poster
Puncturedbicycle85 · 28/06/2023 10:05

Abergale · 28/06/2023 09:51

I had this. 2 different gyms two different blokes. Thing is I was already self conscious to start with and I found it really hard to enjoy myself if I knew they were around after they approached me more than once. I gave up on strength training in the end and just stuck to cardio . Don’t be me!

That makes me really annoyed that you gave up strength training because of some douche. I feel the same though - thinking of moving gym because of it. I just can’t relax or if I am doing dumbbells i will go and stand in a corner, out of his sight line 😔 So sad that women are giving up on exercising because of intrusive men.

i like the Intrusive Jerk advice 😆. I need to stop being nice but it’s so true that this will make me come off as the bitch while this dude was just trying to help (FYI he has never pointed out anything I do that is dangerous, the squat comments at the beginning were about not going deep enough).

I am perfecting my resting bitch face for tomorrow 😁
And if you are a man reading this, just don’t try this sort of crap please.

OP posts:
VaddaABeetch · 28/06/2023 10:02

Be ‘rude’

I don’t want your input. Repeat, repeat.

Be prepared to be called a bitch.

You don’t owe this or any man your time.

Minikievs · 28/06/2023 09:56

I think saying very firmly "I'll let you know if I need any feedback but I don't right now" ear buds back in and zone out and ignore him.

I think this is the best advice so far

Abergale · 28/06/2023 09:51

I had this. 2 different gyms two different blokes. Thing is I was already self conscious to start with and I found it really hard to enjoy myself if I knew they were around after they approached me more than once. I gave up on strength training in the end and just stuck to cardio . Don’t be me!

Coffeetree · 28/06/2023 09:46

You are placating him way too much. When he approaches you again, don't take your earbuds out.

I've found a brisk "excuse me please" whilst continuing what I'm doing (reading, working out, whatever) does the job with men like this. They usually slink off.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/06/2023 09:32

I think saying very firmly "I'll let you know if I need any feedback but I don't right now" ear buds back in and zone out and ignore him. What a creep. If that doesn't work complain very firmly to the gym.

GameOverBoys · 28/06/2023 09:24

I hate this shit. If you are rude then you’re the bitch, even though they don’t take the hint. He knows you are ignoring him and trying to be minimal in your responses and he isn’t respecting that.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/06/2023 09:21

He'd never do this to another man so he's either being super patronising or he's attempting to flirt.

AtrociousCircumstance · 28/06/2023 09:20

Ugh undermining twat.

”No more feedback please. I come here to work out and switch off so from now on I would appreciate you leaving me to it! Thanks, have a good day.”

GrumpyPanda · 28/06/2023 09:19

Outside the UK and there's a general expectation gym staff will monitor people aren't doing anything potentially harmful. There'll be an individual induction and the possibility of follow-ups from time to time free of charge, separately from PT arrangements. So nothing unusual there.
What does sound off is the getting weights from the rack you're at when there are nearer options.

Cranarc · 28/06/2023 09:17

He sounds utterly obnoxious. If you were doing something obviously dangerous (to you or to the equipment) then it would be right for him to say something. But even another gym-goer would be right to say something if you were about to garrotte yourself with a bar. Other than that, he should leave well alone. Comments on why you are not getting results and asking what you are trying to do are totally out of order. Either tell him to stop speaking to you or tell the gym management. Or, when he asks what you are trying to do, just invent some non-existent exercise like the Intrusive Jerk and stare very hard at him.

Original poster
Puncturedbicycle85 · 28/06/2023 08:51

I do wear ear buds! But I should probably make a bigger deal about taking them out…
Ugh, another thing he says is “what move are you trying to do there?” when it’s pretty obvious what I’m doing and the “trying” part just makes me feel like crap, a bit like the you’re not getting results stuff.

OP posts:
MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/06/2023 08:36

Can you wear ear buds and just ignore him so when he does come over you can make a really big deal about taking them out,making him wait until you have etc?

Original poster
Puncturedbicycle85 · 28/06/2023 08:31

Good tip to email the manager. I will be really standoffish next time and if he still doesn’t stop then I will send an email.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puncturedbicycle85 · 28/06/2023 08:30

Thanks for all your responses, some of them made me laugh! In answer to questions, he works out of the gym but I think technically he is self employed. But I would disagree that it’s his job to watch/correct my form - that would be the case if I had paid for a session with him. And there are several other trainers there and not one has offered me tips or even spoken to me whereas this guy is there all the time, lurking and then coming up saying “can I borrow some of these plates” (when there are dozens of other spare plates closer to him, not on the rack I happen to be using).

agree that there is an element of sexism. I doubt very much that he’d approach a guy this way (but then again he doesn’t train any guys 😂). And it’s not having the desired effect because feeling nervous and self-conscious isn’t helping me perform the lifts any better.

OP posts:
peachicecream · 28/06/2023 08:17

Is he employed by the gym?

If so, I think I would either speak to the manager at the gym or if they aren't around, send an email to say that you are not happy with his approach and he is disturbing your workout to advertise his services.

He will almost certainly be doing this to other people too and he won't know who complained.

It's totally inappropriate for him to approach other customers at the gym when they're working out, he should be focussing on his own clients.

NBLarsen · 28/06/2023 08:14

Just to play devils advocate here, you say he works as a trainer in the gym, and you are training in the gym, it's literally his job to help people train. It may be that he's noticed your form was bad once and is trying to keep an eye on you to prevent you from injuring yourself and encourage you.

Lesssugarketchup · 28/06/2023 08:12

“Thanks for your suggestions but I have such limited time at the gym, I really like to just crack on quietly and do my own thing without any interference”

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