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Original poster

Partner doesn’t understand how I feel about exercise

37 replies

lifestooshortandsoami · 03/08/2021 07:24

Does anyone else’s dh not seem supportive of their exercising?
I’ve always tried to keep fit and been to gyms over the years - dh has always passed the odd negative comment but not much and I just ignored it.
The last year I’ve started running, well it’s a slow jog/ walk, and whilst he says he’s supportive he doesn’t seem it. He always passes comment and says things like ‘oh you’re obsessed’ and lots of eye rolling huffing about. He hates when I talk about it and that I get up early to do it- but I have to as with kids and work id not end up getting out?
Is it just one of those things I’ll have to put up with? I’ve tried talking to him but he just says I always support you- but actually it feels like the opposite!
It’s so tricky as I find it hard to motivate myself as it is so when someone makes you feel guilty for going the temptation to not do it is strong.
Oh and one thing to mention is I broke my foot/ badly sprained my ankle two years ago, just by falling down one step at home, so he says he worries about me? Is it that or is he just being a bit of a knob?

OP posts:
CovoidOfAllHumanity · 03/08/2021 08:35

It doesn't sound from your post that you are 'obsessed' but people can get like that.

Often it's the MAMIL types or marathon runners off on long cycle rides/ runs all weekend leaving their wife in charge of the kids. That kind of thing it is legitimate to complain about as it does put more pressure on the other parent if one has unilaterally taken most of a weekend day and some evenings to do their sport and left the other with no spare time or family time.

Nipping out for a run in the morning a few times a week doesn't seem to fall into that category to me but I do think there could be instances where it would be legitimate for a spouse to be 'unsupportive' of someone's hobby.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 03/08/2021 08:28

Does he do any exercise himself? Is he afraid you'll be fitter than him and not fancy him anymore/ meet someone at running club? Usually men who are into a sport themselves get the benefits and are more understanding and actively want their partner to stay fit.

Does he get equivalent time off from work and childcare to do his hobbies? He should do.

DH and I used to go to the gym separately due to childcare but now our kids are secondary age we go together which is much more fun and easier to fit in. Are your kids old enough that you could run together? Would DH want to try that?

Why not ask him if he'd like to exercise or if he doesn't (you can't force someone) then if he'd like time for his own hobby quid pro quo?

overnightangel · 03/08/2021 08:14

Plain and simple jealousy I’d say
Childish prick

LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 03/08/2021 07:39

@DinosaurDiana

He doesn’t want you to do it. It makes him feel bad about himself, and he doesn’t want you not being there to impact him.
AND he has to look after the children, this is his protest that you are neglecting your duties and making him do wimmin's work.

He's being a prick about it, you should tell him you have no need for his approval.

Intherightplace · 03/08/2021 07:39

DH did genuinely worry about me if he thought I was overdoing it. He also worried about injuries because he knew what I'd be like if I couldn't run Grin

There were times when he felt it was taking too much from the family. Not just the time spent running, but the being tired afterwards and we'd talk about that, but mostly he was supportive and proud of my achievements and liked having a fit wife

DinosaurDiana · 03/08/2021 07:34

He doesn’t want you to do it.
It makes him feel bad about himself, and he doesn’t want you not being there to impact him.

RubyFowler · 03/08/2021 07:33

@GreatAuntEmily

He's annoyed you are enjoying time without him, leaving DCs with him, choosing to do sport rather than being around pandering to his needs.
Yep, it's this.
Chocolateteabag · 03/08/2021 07:33

Ugh! I hate the "you're obsessed" " you're taking this so seriously!"

No - I've joined a running club and enter races to improve my running and motivate me long term

I get this from family and "friends" who say this through guilt at their own lack of exercise - p*s me off!

My DH does not say this and thank fully "gets" it.

Sorry OP no help to you but empathy that it is super annoying

DarlingFell · 03/08/2021 07:32

No, not at all. My DH is super supportive and we train together everyday (both WFH). He built a gym in the summerhouse over the first lockdown and he motivates me to join him working out. I love training but can be a bit of a procrastinator, there is always work to do, he encourages me to put my laptop down and get my gym gear on.

Some men (and women of course) are selfish and downright weird Confused keep training and improving yourself 🙌🏼

Cloudbaser · 03/08/2021 07:28

He is being a knob. Just get on and do it. My DH doesn't keep track if when I run when I don't and prob doesn't care. I don't feel like I need his support to do it or for him to be supportive as it is something I do for me though so I don't care about that aspect.

GreatAuntEmily · 03/08/2021 07:28

He's annoyed you are enjoying time without him, leaving DCs with him, choosing to do sport rather than being around pandering to his needs.

Iggly · 03/08/2021 07:26

He’s being a knob. My DH is a bit like this and it annoys me. He’ll also say “I am supportive”, when actually no, his first comment is usually a negative one.

The only advice I can give is to ignore it. I’ve explained to DH that I don’t like it, and when he does it, I ignore him.