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Original poster

Morbidly obese and Chronic illness - how to start?

112 replies

Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:17

Hi, I'm looking for some advice please.

I'm morbidly obese with a BMI of about 46. I'm 5ft1 and I weigh 17.5 stone. I struggle with my weight due to eating crap, comfort eating, convenience eating due to disabilities and no exercise.

I have fibromyalgia and a spinal injury, osteoarthritis all over, cervical spondylosis, Peri-menopausal, celiac and ibs. I'm 35 Sad

I know I need to change my diet. Due to the fact that I'm in bed most of the time, I find it too hard to go downstairs, stand and make food. This means I'm eating sugary cereal for breakfast, a sandwich my husband leaves me with crisps and chocolate, a couple of pieces of food and then a takeaway or something that can be oven cooked quickly for tea like gf nuggets and chips, steak and mash, ready meals etc. My husband is ill himself and works full time so can't spend much time cooking.

I'm now finding it difficult to just move the minimal amount. If I go downstairs and walk back up I'm incredibly breathless and my heart races and pounds. Even walking to the bathroom leaves me breathless.

I really want to tackle my problems but I don't know how. I have severe health anxiety so can't see a GP because I can't leave the house. My blood pressure is fine. If I start moving around and I feel my pulse elevate I have panic attacks. I'm limited to what I can do because of neck and spine pain and knee pain.

I'm so, so miserable and scared. I can't seem to get a grip and make healthy food choices but then we never have healthy food here. My husband does the shopping and he's underweight so buys junk. DD eats healthily but is starting to notice my poor choices.

What can I do? I've spent the morning in a state of extreme panic because I walked up the stairs and I thought my heart was coming out of my chest.

OP posts:
Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 14:54

if you are ceoliac are you eating GF cereals and bread

Yes, everything I eat is gluten free and mostly dairy free too apart from chocolate.

if you can afford take always you can afford to do an online shop

Very true.

Thank you - I can do SW for about a month and then I just give up, binge and go back to normal. I don't know what's wrong with me but I've never had willpower. I don't drink anything other than water, don't touch alcohol, no caffeine. It's just food.

I do try and go downstairs when I can, the only thing is, my bathroom is upstairs so on the days when I'm in the wheelchair I can't go down in case I need the toilet. We're waiting for an adapted bungalow to become available so hopefully that will help one day.

When I can though, I do go downstairs. I used to be terrified of leaving my bedroom in case I collapsed, but I seem to be past that now and downstairs is doable.

OP posts:
Haudyerwheesht · 07/12/2017 14:41

I genuinely empathise a lot with you. The morbid obesity, osteoarthritis and anxiety are all me too.

Please stop making excuses though - if you can afford take always you can afford to do an online shop.

For me, in the last few months I've totally changed what and how I eat. I've given op caffeine, chocolate, sweets, crisps and takeaways completely. Trying to be sensible with them just doesn't work for me. I plan on cutting out biscuits next - I don't have them often but I do eat one out the drawer without thinking sometimes and that's not good.

Also do you think getting up and going downstairs during the day might help? Might it be good for your dd too?

Anxiety is shit and I haven't mastered it completely but I have learnt that avoiding things that make me anxious don't help. It just makes them grown bigger and bigger and cause more problems.

dantdmistedious · 07/12/2017 14:34

If you are ceoliac are you eating GF cereals and bread?

You're husband sounds like he's a big part of the problem.

Have a look at BIWIs low carb threads for ideas of what to eat, it would suit a ceoliac diet and stabilise blood sugar.

RunningOutOfCharge · 07/12/2017 14:30

Choose your hard varlerie

Being obese is hard.....losing weight is hard

You can do this!! Small changes.... make some easy to reach goals

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 13:59

Thank you, just been looking at low GI foods. I've just had some pre-cooked chicken breasts and pistachio nuts for lunch and a banana.

I need to do this. I just messaged DH to ask him to pick up fruit and nuts and popcorn. I'm going to spend the afternoon trying to think of easy cook meals and lunches.

I asked DH not to buy me chocolate any more and he said I make his life a misery if he doesn't and it's not worth the stress. I am a brat sometimes and have cried because there's been no chocolate in the house.

I'm a dick. I can't believe I've let myself get this bad. Part of me wants to give up already because I have no willpower whatsoever. This is going to be so hard.

OP posts:
paap1975 · 07/12/2017 13:18

Sounds like you're really in trouble with your sugar yo-yoing. I've been there. You need to really focus on low GI foods, plenty of protein and fibre, as little sugar as possible. Believe me, it will be worth it and you'll feel much better.
But, your husband is enabling you, for whatever reason, and that really needs to stop!

silentpool · 07/12/2017 13:14

OP, as others have said, you are addicted to sugar and carbs generally. You can break this addiction but it requires a lot of willpower. I would suggest looking into the Paleo diet or Whole 30. Right now your body is craving sugar/simple carb fixes for energy and you will have to re-train it to use other kinds of nutrients instead like good fats and proteins. This can take a couple of months or more of cutting carbs right down to achieve. Take a look at a forum called Mark's Daily Apple. There are plenty of people on there, who used to be obese, who have lost a lot of weight. But it is far from an easy solution.

First things first, the junk cannot come into the house. Secondly, if you have issues with willpower, it would be worth visiting a counsellor to get to the root of your particular food addiction issues. My MIL is morbidly obese and in her 70's and we have seen the effects of this, as she has aged. I really would implore you to do something about this now as it gets much harder later on.

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 13:10

I've tried with Mind but I'm rural Wales and they don't offer those services in my area :(

I didn't realise how poor mental health support was until it was me needing it. It's very sad and although I'm housebound with it, I'm not suicidal so I'm low risk.

OP posts:
Sludgecolours · 07/12/2017 13:00

If your GP receptionists are unhelpful could you access help from a mental health charity or local charity who could access some help on your behalf?

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 13:00

I had six sessions of CBT through work, but the man doing it was used to work stress CBT and as mine is severe panic and health anxiety he couldn't do much. It wasn't successful.

I ordered a blood sugar monitor and the pee on a stick things which were all normal. I am concerned I'm maybe pre-diabetes though because of the crashes. It doesn't happen all the time but I've noticed if I eat sugary cereal for breakfast it's more likely to happen at lunchtime. Or if I go more than about 3 hours without anything to eat.

OK, I have no idea how I'm going to do this all on my own but I'm going to throw the chocolate and crisps on top of the wardrobe so I can't reach it.

DD is 9.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 07/12/2017 12:56

It sounds as though you need to be tested urgently for diabetes. If you can't leave the house, could you order an online test?

Sludgecolours · 07/12/2017 12:56

Sorry that took such a long time to write I didn't see you were already in touch with your GP op! I would still try and pressure them for a bit more help though as you sound overwhelmed with it all and CBT (not yet delivered) doesn't sound sufficient. Good luck op!

CMOTDibbler · 07/12/2017 12:51

It sounds like he does like you being dependant on him though - he has all the control and he has none.
Drop the crisps down the stairs now. If there's chocolate in your room, drop it downstairs now too - you can take control of this!

How about downloading a mindfullness app and start doing that?
Look at some youtube videos of chair based exercises

You can start making tiny changes now - your illnesses and your DH don't get to decide what you do, you do, and you can do it

QuiteLikely5 · 07/12/2017 12:50

How old are your children op?

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:49

Thank you, you'd think because I'm so terrified of hospitals and heart attacks, I'd be able to stop this.

Would my GP maybe read a letter? I've tried calling a few times but I can't get past the receptionists. They know my issues but are so incredibly unhelpful.

I don't have any local friends either so I'm very lonely and I don't see anyone other than DH and DD. I'm alone all day while he's at work wallowing in self pity.

OP posts:
Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:45

Next to my bed right now I have a banana, a pear, a low fat yoghurt, three bags of wotsits, a multipack of flakes and a bag of marshmallows.

I have myself to blame here as usually I'll eat the crisps, a flake and some marshmallows as I fear my blood sugar dropping.

OP posts:
Sludgecolours · 07/12/2017 12:45

Sorry to hear that things are so tough for you currently op but well done for posting Flowers

I think there are a few things you can do for yourself but given the fact that you have several health conditions, and you are anxious, I think you need to get some outside support. Ringing your gp (or getting your DH to or a supportive friend to ring them on your behalf) would be a good first step. And then they could help to advise you on diet and exercise and your anxiety and may be able to access some home support for you?

And in the meantime, how about you writing your dh a list of healthy items to buy? And meal plan for him by suggesting healthy, simple meals.

Or looking on-line for some psychological support? I have just Googled and "Mind" and "No more panic" look helpful.

Good luck op, you deserve a happier life, and you don't want things to get worse, so please don't be afraid to ring your go.

Good luck and keep posting x

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:40

He doesn't force me to eat anything he buys, nor does he force me to eat meals he's made. If he cooks and I only eat a bit, he's not bothered at all.

He does buy chocolate but I'm guessing in his head it's because he's replacing what I eat. If I didn't eat it he wouldn't buy more until I'd eaten what's here. If I try and do slimming world, he gets annoyed if I ask him to buy me junk and says I give up too easily.

I don't think he likes me fat. He doesn't ever say I look bad and this morning was the first comment he's made but he has suggested in the past that I should go back to slimming world for my health and that I'd be so much happier if I lost weight.

I think he's just trying to make me happy as I'm so miserable because I'm so ill all the time and I've gone from being a busy successful teacher to a lump who lies in bed crying all day.

OP posts:
MyBrilliantDisguise · 07/12/2017 12:39

But he's the one buying the food and leaving chocolate in your room!

A fruit bowl is OK but it's all sugar. Nuts would be better and really stave off your hunger.

RunningOutOfCharge · 07/12/2017 12:36

I think you are going to have to confront your husband

He sounds like he enjoys keeping you like this Sad

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:35

Peri-menopause runs in my family. My mum was 34. I have terrible hormone problems that don't help my weight. It was only when I started taking clomid, then the mini pill and norethisterone that all the panic attacks and anxiety started.

I'll google feeder, thank you. He does have issues with being low level EA.

OP posts:
Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:33

Thank you CMOT, low calorie ready meals and pots sound like a good idea. They'd be easy for me to do. I also like the idea of having a fruit bowl in the bedroom.

My DH said to me this morning that he's having trouble sleeping because I'm so wide. I need to sort it out.

OP posts:
juneau · 07/12/2017 12:31

You also shouldn't be peri-menopausal at 35 unless you have a family history of early menopause. Most women don't start getting peri symptoms until early 40s.

Your DH sounds like a feeder to me. Google it. Buying massive chocolate bars when you're seriously overweight is a form of abuse.

Original poster
Valerrie · 07/12/2017 12:31

Yes, the GP said I can see the nurse about diet but it's getting there. I'm terrified of leaving the house at the moment. I have done SW in the past and lost nearly 2 stone but I give up very easily, especially if I don't go to meetings, which is impossible at the moment.

My local group is very uninspiring too. Two hours of going through everyone's loss or gains individually and that's it. No recipes or interesting talks.

I feel like I'm making lots of excuses and I am, but I'm so miserable all I want to do is eat the three bags of crisps my DH has left next to me Sad

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 07/12/2017 12:31

You can get very good gf ready meals called Kirstys from Sainsburys or Ocado - both of whom deliver. They are 300-400 calories each and long dates so you could stock up in one delivery for a few weeks.

MOMA do GF porridge pots so you could get those and just add boiling water, so no time at all to do.

But mainly I agree with others that you need to see your GP to start getting some help for your anxiety so it doesn't control you. They may also be able to refer you to an exercise group