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Elderly parents
Original poster

Christmas Dilemma

15 replies

enjoyinglifenowretired · 23/10/2026 19:35

DF is late 80’s , fit and lives alone in a flat 150 miles from me. I am an only child with 3 DC’s , 2 of whom live close to me. I am retired and do a lot of childcare for my DGD(3) especially in school holidays. Dilemma is that I will have to drive down and collect DF on weekend of Dec19th and he wants to be home for a NYE party. DS 1 who lives away in totally opposite direction to DF wants to come and visit with his family on 29th Dec and stay for new year. This means I will have to take DF home on 28th as I can’t leave my DS and family to drive him home after they have made effort to come and visit us. He will be disappointed not to see DS and his DGGC. He is fit but not fit enough to take the train with platform changes. There is no coach service without going via London.
A taxi for 150 miles is unaffordable. DF drives but definitely should not be on the M4! Both other DC’s have very young children and won’t want to take them on a long return journey on one of their few days off.
I really don’t know the best solution.

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Original poster
enjoyinglifenowretired · Yesterday 20:37

Soontobe60 · Yesterday 16:51

Do you not want to see your father? Do your DC not visit him ever?
The solution is for your Dc to spend the day with him on the 29th and you or one of your Dcs to drive him home on the 30th. Every one sees each other then.

I see my father frequently and my DC visit him both when he is on his regular visits to us and when they visit him in his own home. The issue is that neither I or my DC want to do a 300 mile round trip purely so he can attend a NYE party . He is very welcome to stay with us well into the new year ( which he has done on previous years) and spend the time with his family.

OP posts:
MysterOfwomanY · Yesterday 20:26

I don't suppose there's a car that 2 of you are insured to drive? So you could share the drive taking him home?
Probably not sadly:(

Soontobe60 · Yesterday 16:51

Do you not want to see your father? Do your DC not visit him ever?
The solution is for your Dc to spend the day with him on the 29th and you or one of your Dcs to drive him home on the 30th. Every one sees each other then.

HappyViewer · Yesterday 16:42

Can he really not afford an Uber or cab home as a one off?

bigboykitty · Yesterday 15:39

He's just expecting everyone else to put his needs first. My friend in her 80s uses uber for a regular 100+ mile journey because she doesn't drive distances and struggles with changing trains. She uses vouchers and does the pre-booking facility to keep the price down. It's not too terrible.

MittensTheKittens · Yesterday 15:33

@enjoyinglifenowretired have a look here:
https://www.nationalrail.co.uk/help-and-assistance/passenger-assist/
And check here

https://www.nationalrail.co.uk/travel-information/future-engineering-works/
He might find a rail replacement coach easier than navigating a station?

Original poster
enjoyinglifenowretired · 23/10/2026 21:11

Thanks. I didn’t know you could get passenger assistance on trains. I think the anxiety is that on the 2 occasions he has used the train they have been stopped half way due to heat/ air conditioning issues and he has had to move to a different train on a different platform to complete his journey. I guess passenger assistance can deal with these issues.

OP posts:
Nearly50omg · 23/10/2026 20:35

Register him with passenger assistance and get it booked with the train journey. They will put him on and off the train, wheel him in a wheelchair to and from and also bring his luggage on and off and help him with a taxi or whatever wise he needs. They are fabulous and make the journey so much easier

HouseHouseHouse7 · 23/10/2026 20:14

Is there a halfway solution here? I mean a direct train to his town from a station within an hour’s drive of your house. The compromise could be that you drive him to that station on 30th or 31st.

Another option - do you know someone who could take him back in return for some cash? An easy earner for someone who likes driving.

Anneta · 23/10/2026 20:12

It sounds like the best solution would be for your father to pay for a driver/taxi to take him home on the morning of NYE if he really wants to go to the party or he waits until you can drive home home in the New Year.

DisforDarkChocolate · 23/10/2026 20:09

I agree, he can't have everything. Your children at the age when they just don't always come home because they now have other obligations. However, if trains are running it's possible to book assistance.

shellyleppard · 23/10/2026 20:06

@enjoyinglifenowretired unfortunately they tend to get more difficult as they age. Sending hugs x

shellyleppard · 23/10/2026 20:05

@TFImBackIn as above. Also the trains don't run so much over Christmas/new year. They tend to do a lot of engineering works over the quieter period.

Original poster
enjoyinglifenowretired · 23/10/2026 20:01

TBH that’s exactly my thought but didn’t want to let anyone down . He is quite a difficult man and seems to think his age owes him the privilege of always having his own way.
Thanks for your response.

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 23/10/2026 19:38

Well he can't have it both ways! He can't be at his own home for NY and be with your children at the same time. It's his decision to make. I would have thought a busy Christmas with you would leave him wanting a quiet time at home before NYE.

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