How long can people live like this?

People say this not realising what the reality of dying from either of those conditions would look like. The tumour would grow out of your breast and the skin around it would rot. Similar would happen with your cervix. It would be a horrific way to go and at some point, you’d have to take yourself to hospital where the poor doctors would have to try and make
you comfortable.

You don’t fall asleep and die like in the movies.

I’m not sure tbh but would presume the woman take on the majority of the care. That’s irrelevant though, it’s still a very entitled point of view to say you don’t have time for ‘burdens’, it’s part of life and this is just what happens when relatives age.

You wouldn’t be able to refuse hospitalisation as it’s unlikely you’d have capacity.

To those saying ‘I will refuse treatment’, have you actually been in that position yourself? Like your health has badly deteriorated, you can’t get out of bed, you need someone to take care of cooking, washing etc… you might not be able to wash that often.

Because I am/have, and life looks pretty NOT as clear cut as so many people make it.

By any means, have an advanced directive in place. One you’ll review regularly (because what you want at 55yo isn’t the same than 65, 75 or 85yo)

But I’d stay really well cleared of assuming you know how you’ll feel when confronted to the reality of ‘no treatment’.
And you might also learn that beimg housebond/bedbound doesn’t automatically mean you don’t have a life worth living either

Seems very bleak to end your days with no quality of life, just lingering in a half state.

Once I can no longer feed myself because of say dementia, I would not want to be spoon fed or given hydration. I would also refuse hospitalisation for infection as I would not want IV antibiotics only oral.

I agree. I don't go for cervical or breast screenings. I'd refuse treatment anyway, so there's no point in going. I also think screenings carry potential harms like overdiagnosis and overtreatment.

It is dependent on the individual my dad is in his eighties in great health but wants to die as he does not enjoy his life. My neighbour is 95 and still completely independent. She can’t walk long distances anymore but has a scooter if she needs it other than things like a hospital app where she would need a lift or taxi she requires no support and is content.
I think our laws around assisted dying are cruel and inhumane

That's what I was wondering too. Caring for the elderly is full-on, it certainly doesn't allow for anyone to work, if the person is to be kept safe and supervised. So unless it's an enormous family working a rota, it means someone giving up their own home and life and earning capacity for 10+ years. And yes, that's probably a woman.

There is a thread on here atm where a family have a tricky scenario with a sibling who lived with and cared for the mother, who has now died, leaving her in the family home - she has no home of her own, yet the house has to be sold. Such airy waves of the hand - 'old people should be cared for at home by their children' take no account of all the difficulties of the practical consequences of this approach.

@FashionPassion

I have to say Fashion I find your posts extremely insensitive and lacking in empathy.

You are fixated on theoretical ideals, "what is the solution?" etc when people are literally sharing their lived experiences about their own relatives - mothers, fathers etc

You seem to be so focused on ideals and theories and not the reality of actually witnessing someone you love dearly suffering - read that again - suffering - a life they would never have wished for and clearly hate.

Someone has posted about their RESPECT wishes being overridden by the ambulance crew - why don't you comment on that?

You are blindly suggesting that people who don't wish their family members to suffer unnecessarily are trying to avoid a burden - but why don't you advocate for people's wishes to be respected with the same enthusiasm?

Your posts are so awful. Totally lacking in empathy for the lived experiences and people's actual experiences. Just theory. And debate for the sake of it.

If someone is utterly miserable for years and years that is not a good outcome - for anyone. For the person, for their family - for anyone.

It's nothing to do with younger generations trying to avoid "burdens". It is about people not wishing to see someone they love dearly living a life that they know that person would have hated or that is causing them distress.

Fine for you if that's what you want. Seems a very bleak way of looking at one's life, though.

Is it 'part of the younger generations lives' for both sexes?

@Ved “If I was diagnosed with cancer now, (late 50s) I would not have any treatment/chemo/radiotherapy. It would probably do me more harm than the cancer!”

Same. I don’t have any screening tests and I won’t have the flu jab or any other jab once I’m eligible. I will refuse treatment.

When they want to, yes. That's the important part.

That’s such an entitled point of view, and very western. Who do you expect will look at your older relatives? You would moan if you had to pay for it but won’t do it yourself. You would also probably have expected them to babysit your children for you when they were younger and able. In countries such as India and Thailand elders are respected and looking after them if just part of the younger generations lives.

Really???? Do you have a link to support this?

they usually die within a day or two of private funding running out and it being solely down to local authority... suddenly poof! dead.

@JeffLebowski “I want the option of assisted dying so that I can make the choice to check out on my terms if/when I get to that position.”

This is what I want too.

Agreed. Those aren't the scenarios I'm referring to.

We are going through this with a family member. They are bedbound, doubly incontinent, don’t know where or who they are and spend their days babbling incoherently to themselves. They have a whole host of medical conditions that if left untreated would result in a painless death within a few weeks tops. But family insist on keeping them alive at all costs. Four hospital admissions now in the last eight weeks for the sane ongoing issue that family want treating. Doctors seem to agree mostly (one suggested palliative care and was shot down by family). So they go into hospital, has distressing invasive treatment, discharge back to home, back in hospital within a week. Family want them home, they say they won’t give up on him. But family member isn’t going to recover to any kind of comfortable state. It’s incredibly selfish in my opinion and family nember would not have wanted to exist like this.

it’s been going on for years and years. Our life has been on hold.

I won’t allow my dc to become my carers

So did my mum. She was lucky she came and lived with me, but if that hadn’t been possible she would, unfortunately, have had to go in a home as she was leaving her home at all times during the night, which was extremely worrying. I’m very glad I was in a position to have her with me (and all door keys safely put away).

Yes. My mum has strongly stated that she will die in her home not a 'care' home. I hope she gets her wish.

All the 90 plus year olds I know or have known didn't seem to be in terrible nick though obviously some of them have passed away so the last few weeks might have been deterioration very quickly. My great aunt was 104 when she died. She was quite well and active until late 90s. But I've also known people in their 60s who had dementia.

The trouble is, if they need a lot of help over a couple of decades, potentially two of them, that can be the last two decades of their child’s working life. It stops you being able to get anywhere in life, your whole future is just about them, they often have no vision for you doing anything with your life other than helping them, no thought for the impact on your future finances, pension, ability to restart your career once they’re gone or the emotional impact of it all on you. Life is just all about them.
But they didn’t actually have to do any of this themselves because their own parents weren’t kept alive forever by the NHS and its endless checks, tests and operations. It means you’ve got one generation who have vastly outlived the previous generation and will leave the generation after them in a much poorer financial position than they were in, having had a much more difficult life.
Looking after elderly people is no walk in the park. If they’re lovely, then it’s hard to see the suffering they’re going through and you desperately don’t want them to die. If they’re difficult, they’ll take all their anger out on you and make your life a misery.

If I'm in that situation myself, don't you shoot me, but I'd like the option to do it myself. If I'm unable to do anything for myself, and in severe pain every day, then I might want a way to end it, and if I'm very incapacitated that might need help from other people.