How long can people live like this?

Of course their life is poor, numerous uti’s, bed bound, don’t go out, don’t recognise their own children. Screaming in pain even if they are potentially pain free.

When Mum was in respite there was a lady there who just kept pressing the call bell. Literally as the carer walked away she would press it again. In the end they shut her door and let the alarm go unanswered.

Also imagine if they're terrified of death. But what else is coming? So they're being kept artificially alive in a state of extreme physical suffering and mental anguish. All their friends are dead and that's all they have to think about. It's inhumane.

God its difficult op. Our dad lasted 13 yrs after his stroke. Sometimes a quick death is better. It took a big toll on everyone. Not easy on my mam. Sad when they have no life quality.

They're not living or dying naturally though. They're being artificially kept alive.

I saw Digger the movie last night. He's got a 30 year old cat at the beginning that he's selfishly keeping alive. It's got everything wrong with it and is completely miserable.

Mum had various UTI’s. She was incoherent and answered simple questions with the most bizarre answers. But for some she just needed to take a pill and all her problems were solved.

So you are bed bound. You find no interest in food, you smell because the minute the care home change you you have wet yourself. You cannot go out in the fresh air because you really cannot make the effort.

You are effectively waiting to die and often in pain. You have a miserable existence. And yet someone says that’s fine. Crack on.

Caring for someone who is disabled can become a burden. We can’t pretend it doesn’t affect people.

I completely understand OP. It's not part of the natural way. These people are being kept artificially alive way past the time they should be.

My dad was a living skeleton for the last year of his life. He had repeated urine infections which rendered him insane at times. It was harrowing for us all. Several times we got the call he was dying, we rushed down traumatised to say our final farewells. Only for them to stabilise him.

He hated it, we hated it, and it cost £1900 per week to the tax payer.

@FashionPassion
My nan 'lived' the last 7 or so years of her life sat in a chair in a home

She did not recognise her children or grandchildren, she had to be fed, washed, dressed, in nappies. She couldn't even watch TV. When she died it was a relief that she was out of her misery.
The body in the coffin wasnt my nan, it was just a shell, the person my nan was had long since gone.
My mum is going the same way.
I will not let this happen to me. I do not want life at any cost.
I'm 61, I was diagnosed with cancer this year. I am responding well to treatment. However, if I have a recurrence in my 70s, I will refuse treatment and let nature take its course

Exactly and I find it interesting how, once that fact is brought up, others want the discourse to be shut down. It's hard to look at the mirror when someone challenges the reflection.

@FashionPassion We are making some people live too long.

You have no idea what I've been through and I'm trying to assist with a different perspective from someone who has come out the other side. I'm sorry you've suffered but don't assume that suffering applies to you only because it was managed differently by someone else.

Try taking that to a logical conclusion.

What about disabled younger people? What about children with learning disabilities?

This is an inhumane path to start treading. Sadly it’s encouraged by the way our economy is pinned to productivity. Any who are considered unproductive are also thought of as a burden.

Fashion can I suggest you get off this thread. You have no idea what the OP is saying. I had two parents like this. It’s horrible. Not for me. I coped.

Was available at a moments notice when there were falls or the care home wanted to pass something over to me but because it was truly awful for THEM.

I don't think I'm derailing. I read that you have decided their quality of life is poor and struggling to understand how or why it continues.

IMO, the way you've positioned your thoughts is why the discussion has evolved the way that it has.

Again, what is it you suggest as a solution? What do you want others to say? Do you wish for them to not die naturally? Is it upsetting for you to see it or experience it? Do you wonder if they are okay dying this way even if you're not?

I think we need re-educated about what it means to age and die. Someone in their 90s isn't going to be posting on MN, if unable, and it is perfectly normal that they are as they are towards the end of their life.

It seems that this fact is not acceptable to you and I'm trying to understand what you think would be more appropriate if you are offended by the natural end of life process.

It’s a horrible way to exist.

My nanna lasted about 3 years - wholly unpleasant for everyone involved. It would have been better had she gone years previously.

Mum just wanted a pill to take 30 years off her actual age. Grew increasingly frustrated she could do what she did before. It’s not just a question of her pulling herself together or spending time with her. Her time had arrived.

She had said to people that she hoped to die in her sleep not because she was a burden on anyone but because she didn’t want to suffer the way she did in her final years.

We often don’t have the time for the “burdens”. If you are working full time and have dependent kids it is very hard to cope with the demands of very elderly relatives.

My mum was like this. Blind, nearly deaf, bed ridden for the last few months of her life. I was quietly relieved when she did pass away. Its no life for anyone to live.
She died of uro sepsis. Hard to believe that a water infection could do this.
Sending hugs to anyone going through this horrible process x
💐🙏❤️

Fashion - you clearly have not had an elderly parent begging to die or becoming a shadow of themselves not being able to use the bathroom, bed bound, etc. Should we celebrating this?