Page 2 | Assets but no cash to pay for care - experiences and handhold

Throwaway380 · 2026-10-13T18:07:47+00:00

Can already think of a billion ways I could have made this easier with hindsight, so please be gentle. My Mum has got a very complex degenerative neurological disease. Has been cared for at home but my Dad can no longer cope and is in an absolute mess. We applied for CHC but were deemed ineligible even though every care home I’ve spoken to is astounded at this. We will appeal or reapply but that obviously takes time. My Mum had about 30k in savings but other than that her one asset is a buy-to-let house she and my Dad co own. Obviously selling this will take a while as need to give notice to current tenants etc. Was told by the social worker that we could get a Deferred Payment Application on the buy to let, but then told by the council’s finance team they would not do this. We had a specialist care home place lined up for Thursday but as we don’t now how the proof of financing it they have cancelled this, I’d already arranged for her current drop in carers to stop as of 10am Thursday so currently in a worse position than we were before. Am hoping her current care company can come back. We have told by multiple nursing homes she is too complex and they can’t meet her needs and her current care company specially train people so if we get a random other company they’re not going to be able to provide that same level of care immediately whatever. Feel like I’ve utterly messed up and we’re going to have to look at equity release. But equally we will need to sell and my Dad is not going to have that much to live on once the income from the letting goes, and don’t want to go into negative equity on that property and seems to not be advised to do it for short term (whilst we end the tenancy and market the house) in any case. Have seriously been told by two different people at the council to just call an ambulance or go to A&E if it’s ‘an emergency’. She does not need to be in hospital, and it would really distress her (she’s totally cogent although extremely physically limited). I honestly can’t believe they can leave people like this, literally nothing on the deferred payment form about it not being suitable for second properties, wasted hours filling it in. Restarting the search for a nursing home tomorrow but going to face same issues of how complex the needs are. And we’re going to be in a mess with the money in 10 weeks or so anyway, and that’s if we spend her last penny.

Lastknownaddress · 16/10/2026 20:43

Oh @Throwaway380 am so sorry. Are there any nursing homes which would be happy to accommodate and manage the assessments from there?

In Mum's case, she went into hospital and was put on a discharge 2 assess pathway, which was up to 6 weeks in nursing care, at which point she was deemed too high needs to return home. I haven't had to do this, from a home setting but it seems ridiculous you can't access an assessment without a hospital admission!!!

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 16/10/2026 15:37

A general update.

Everytime I deal with someone at the council I want to scream. As basically I’ve kicked up such a fuss I’m getting phoned all the time and actually there is no practical help they can provide.

The issue I’m having now is every nursing home whose managers etc I trust, is saying they need to employ more staff which is obviously pricier and more complicated. The council are trying to push me towards one where an admin is blithely saying they can absolutely deal with Mum. How every other placement feels differently but this one doesn’t rings immediate alarm bells for me. And no medical people have been involved whilst they’re making this claim.

Mum still will need an in person assessment wherever, but that is long winded and emotional for her and Dad so I want to keep them to a minimum. The social worker is supposed to liaising but doesn’t seem to be doing much. She is still the one that gave me the wrong information in the first place and now thinking maybe should have requested a different one.

Then just need to focus on finance next week, I’ve spoken to a financial advisor and need to get a concrete plan in place.

Mum and Dad are not coping well, I don’t know if we still might end up in A&E out of sheer desperation.

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Original poster

Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 17:15

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 16:44

@Feelinglost54 There was a report about 10 years ago (The Auger report?) that suggested an insurance scheme. It’s probably the only way. Taxation won’t touch the sides of this and many will see the current generation of older folk as baby boomers and having had the best of times when compared to younger tax payers. There isn’t much appetite to paying even more tax so the better off don’t pay. Burnham rowed back - he hasn’t promised full fees. Certainly not the “hotel” element. It’s possibly best to have no money at all!

Thoroughly agree. I am quite lefty generally but I think Theresa May’s plan would have made some of this better as well. There is no way we can afford the type of care that is now needed as a society. I would like to see it taken into public ownership though so any privately paying people’s money is reinvested into the system.

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Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 17:06

TFImBackIn · 15/10/2026 14:50

I'm afraid I can't help on this issue, but my mum is currently losing all her savings and money from her house on care home fees - £1,600 per week (not nursing care) - and we've realised that had my dad left his half of everything to his children, my mum wouldn't have had to lose all that money in a care home. I know some will be annoyed with what I've said but honestly I don't care - there are about six people in the care home paying her level of fees and they keep getting put up all the time (for those few) because the others' fees are paid via the council who refuse to put them up. Her fees have almost doubled in three years.

I was absolutely horrified that is what happens when one of the care homes told me what their costs are vs what the council pay them for nursing care. Also so many are private companies and presumably people are profiting off this terrible system.

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Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 17:03

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 11:31

@Throwaway380 You need to get your head around the lack of care by the nhs and social services. Anyone who is elderly gets poor services unless they pay. The NHs isn’t a caring organisation for the elderly. It’s crap.

That’s why older people must reviews their finances. Your mum has money but your parents didn’t make it available. There needs to be forward planning but who tells anyone this? They should never have all money tied up in property that’s their sole income for old age. Did no one realise this? They got no tax relief when buying the property. They would have if they had saved into a pension. Choices do come back to bite you and I’m surprised any financial advice just said buy a rental property but don’t save for a pension. If this thread tells us anything, it’s plan your finances for your possible needs. Otherwise someone else pays or you take a loan. Neither of which make sense.

My parents choices are not my fault.

Also, unless you have personal experience of caring for someone with a degenerative disease, especially through Covid when everything shut down, I think it is hard to know the challenges. Obviously as I said when I asked people to be gentle, I know they should have sold the buy to let. Mum got diagnosed about three months after she retired, so for her she was way off being ‘old’ and making these sorts of plans. I asked them at the time to think about this but it was such a scary diagnosis they wouldn’t, and again I personally feel that is frustrating but understandable. Please remember I’m a real person and have a bit of compassion.

Also I have seen several care homes where Mum would be reasonably well cared for if paid for by the council, so actually she would have been better off giving the 100k or whatever is her share of the buy to let to the cats home 7 years ago.

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MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 16:44

@Feelinglost54 There was a report about 10 years ago (The Auger report?) that suggested an insurance scheme. It’s probably the only way. Taxation won’t touch the sides of this and many will see the current generation of older folk as baby boomers and having had the best of times when compared to younger tax payers. There isn’t much appetite to paying even more tax so the better off don’t pay. Burnham rowed back - he hasn’t promised full fees. Certainly not the “hotel” element. It’s possibly best to have no money at all!

TiredofMotorways · 15/10/2026 16:26

Christ. Really all I can say. And solidarity to one and all.

TFImBackIn · 15/10/2026 14:50

I'm afraid I can't help on this issue, but my mum is currently losing all her savings and money from her house on care home fees - £1,600 per week (not nursing care) - and we've realised that had my dad left his half of everything to his children, my mum wouldn't have had to lose all that money in a care home. I know some will be annoyed with what I've said but honestly I don't care - there are about six people in the care home paying her level of fees and they keep getting put up all the time (for those few) because the others' fees are paid via the council who refuse to put them up. Her fees have almost doubled in three years.

Feelinglost54 · 15/10/2026 14:28

I really feel for you OP being on the receiving end of this shit show. Until recently (as I was made redundant) I worked for an ICB finance department responsible for CHC amongst other things. I can assure you that there are many wonderful people in ICB’s trying desperately to make a broken system work better for families in your situation. However this area of government spending is a political hot potato which is regularly discussed but fixing the system is expensive. The problem lies with politicians who make the judgement that the cost to the tax payer of fixing it loses more votes than are won by making lives easier for people in your situation. Many politicians have promised the earth but then back tracked as soon they see how much it would cost. Andy Burnham may or may not be another one but having recently negotiated the system himself I have my fingers crossed. I recommend that you and anyone else in this situation talks as much as possible to anyone who will listen about just how bad it is as in my experience most people don’t think about it till it affect them or someone close to them.

you have good advice on this thread OP and unfortunately there is nothing else I can add.

SirenScream · 15/10/2026 11:34

I know of a case like this and from what I remember the local council put a charge on the main home.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 15/10/2026 11:31

@Throwaway380 You need to get your head around the lack of care by the nhs and social services. Anyone who is elderly gets poor services unless they pay. The NHs isn’t a caring organisation for the elderly. It’s crap.

That’s why older people must reviews their finances. Your mum has money but your parents didn’t make it available. There needs to be forward planning but who tells anyone this? They should never have all money tied up in property that’s their sole income for old age. Did no one realise this? They got no tax relief when buying the property. They would have if they had saved into a pension. Choices do come back to bite you and I’m surprised any financial advice just said buy a rental property but don’t save for a pension. If this thread tells us anything, it’s plan your finances for your possible needs. Otherwise someone else pays or you take a loan. Neither of which make sense.

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 15/10/2026 07:45

I’m so sorry so many people are going through, or have been through, similar awful experiences. Thank you for all the support on here honestly.

I’m off to see two more care homes today. I did get put through to a more senior social worker which was mixed. I think they very much did understand the situation and how awful it was, but at the same time clearly want me to go away so got a bit aggy with me when I said one local home wasn’t suitable for Mum, the home had also said they were unsuitable (did not ask my reasons or if I had any alternatives, just told me had to be ‘realistic about care available’). I know the awful journey place still has spaces and whilst I didn’t like it as much as the original one, it would definitely do.

They are going to help us review CHC funding, which is massively appreciated, from something they said I have a horrible feeling maybe some medical evidence didn’t make it to the board, which again if I hadn’t been faffing around with the council forms I could have investigated further.

What I cannot get over though is that the social worker still doesn’t have an answer as to what would happen if I don’t sort it out essentially. Will obviously look at every element of releasing the money, but we still have no answer about what would happen to Mum (in any scenario as they wouldn’t be able to pay for their current home care either) if the money is still tied up in the house. Can understand this is an unusual situation, but I can’t believe it is totally unprecedented.

Spoke to a very good SOLLA financial advisor who told me she has been phoned by elderly people in tears whilst the hospital has been trying to discharge, because money wasn’t in the right place.

Not sure Mum has taken it in that we may have to look at a different home from the original one. I’d very much sold her on it being an opportunity to solve loads of the issues we have around actual healthcare. We’re on waiting lists see if there are any communication aids that could help her, get her a proper wheelchair possibly with head support etc etc, and the specialist charity home were going to look at all that and had expertise in this sort of thing. Should have known it was two good to be true but I acted in good faith as did the charity.

Sadly I think this has probably shaken my faith irreparably in both the NHS and social care. Think there are amazing people working in both but Mum has just not had the support she should have done for her medical illness. She doesn’t want to go into a home, but that is much like I wouldn’t want to leave my home if I had her physical bodily conditions. She is still mentally able to engage and nobody cares about that, or nobody with decision making powers, is what it feels like.

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redhotsummer · 15/10/2026 07:25

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/10/2026 16:40

@redhotsummer In what era was there “a system”. You are talking of decades ago when people died earlier. The fact is you have illnesses now that require care in advance of what a standard care home provides. There’s far more people needing care. People with assets are expected to pay and this isn’t new. The biggest problem is finding a home. They will have 24 hour staffing. A live in person cannot do this. You need two people at least for 24 hour attention. So £30,000 is the proverbial peanuts.

I’m well aware of that. I’ve been supporting a DM for 15 years with several horrific, progressive conditions and I am well aware through also caring for a DMIL with dementia, that we are keeping people alive, with no quality of life, for years on end. I’m currently POA for both and get invoiced for £11,000 a month in care fees. We are nearly at £500,000 in cares fees. And nearly at zero assets left. I know the shit non existent system very well. I mentioned the £30k as an emergency band aid whilst trying to sell the buy to let.

Lastknownaddress · 14/10/2026 20:55

Throwaway380 · 14/10/2026 10:14

Morning update - Mum’s home care has been reinstated from tomorrow although still waiting on the rest of the care rota - the care manager has to detangle everything so currently only tomorrow.

Have left messages with Care Rights and the ICB. The latter hilariously (!) said that they were not open and to ring back when the office was open 9-5. It was ten to ten.

Currently on the phone on hold to Age UK.

Then will head round to Mum and Dad and explain everything.

Bless you. This is so hard and awful.

Thinking of you.

PermanentTemporary · 14/10/2026 17:50

Just feeling for you as we faced something not a million miles away when the first NH my Mum went to gave notice on her placement within 48 hours because they couldn’t meet her needs, and the home we contacted thinking she could easily afford it once her flat was sold refused her because she didn’t have cash in the bank. I felt completely trapped. TBH FNC was something but not much compared to SE NH fees.

Mum ended up an hour away from us as nowhere in our county would take her, and it was bloody awful.

I also completely get your DF’s distress. Someone I knew had their partner at home with 6 double handed visits a day going in. They were very elderly and frail themselves and it was a terrible way for them to live. It only lasted a few weeks before their partner got an infection and ended up back in hospital.

The single thing that helped most was a relative doing an absolutely huge complaint to the CQC… things moved after that.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 14/10/2026 16:40

@redhotsummer In what era was there “a system”. You are talking of decades ago when people died earlier. The fact is you have illnesses now that require care in advance of what a standard care home provides. There’s far more people needing care. People with assets are expected to pay and this isn’t new. The biggest problem is finding a home. They will have 24 hour staffing. A live in person cannot do this. You need two people at least for 24 hour attention. So £30,000 is the proverbial peanuts.

redhotsummer · 14/10/2026 16:25

could you use the £30k for a live in carer until the buy to let sells? The system is so traumatic and broken. I am sorry you are going through this. CHC assessment is not fit for purpose and designed to ‘deny’ medical needs exist. You have my utmost sympathies.

Ilikewinter · 14/10/2026 10:44

Fingers crossed that someone somewhere helps you. I really dispaire for those who dont have any family members to help them navigate the whole shite show.

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 14/10/2026 10:14

Morning update - Mum’s home care has been reinstated from tomorrow although still waiting on the rest of the care rota - the care manager has to detangle everything so currently only tomorrow.

Have left messages with Care Rights and the ICB. The latter hilariously (!) said that they were not open and to ring back when the office was open 9-5. It was ten to ten.

Currently on the phone on hold to Age UK.

Then will head round to Mum and Dad and explain everything.

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stayathomegardener · 14/10/2026 03:22

I do feel for you.

A couple of points, do look at a Care Annuity for your Mum with her half of the buy to let sale.

I can give you guidance on my Mum’s figures if that helps.

And don’t forget to account for a potentially hefty capital gains tax bill on the buy to let so start collecting receipts now in anticipation. I think it has to be paid pretty promptly too.

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 13/10/2026 23:36

The hospital dm ended up in had a separate company help you find a care home. We had no hospital social worker. Luckily one near me was available and it was a great care home.

The other issue is that councils do all they can to avoid doing anything if you have assets. It’s totally down to you. A social worker from our La did contact me eventually and tried to say the hospital were saying dm was going home. This was a 100% lie. Totally wrong. Dm could never have managed at home. The social worker said she could with 4 visits from the care team every day. This was actually laughable! Essentially they thought they were paying. When I eventually got the message across to this lying “professional” that dm was paying, she climbed down. She said she’d had meetings with hospital staff and they agreed dm could go home and she said she’d seen dm. Frankly I didn’t believe any of it.

I have a friend who could not find a care home when the needs of a family member changed and dementia got worse. Complex needs are very difficult to place. I do wish you luck.

Age uk merely told me I was DMs carer and I needed to accept that. Pretty useless. No help at all.

WhatHoJeeves · 13/10/2026 23:23

You could call Care Rights UK for advice as they specialise in issues around residential care and funding. Independent Age are also worth a try as they have specialist social care advisers.

notwhingingjuststatingfacts · 13/10/2026 22:51

Where abouts in the country are they? I work in the sector and if they are in my area I might be able to point to options. I’m in the south west

Original poster

Throwaway380 · 13/10/2026 22:40

EventuallyDiscussed · 13/10/2026 22:32

My DF did end up initially in a LA funded 6 week placement home, we live at one edge of a very big county and were worried he’d end up an hour’s drive away but they did actually take into account our location and found him somewhere reasonably local (8 miles from mum but on a direct bus route), it was a bit shabby and few facilities but clean and the care was superb. We did move him to one closer to mum and more facilities after the 6 weeks but our fears about the LA placement one were unfounded.

Sadly I’m now looking up to 20
miles away, I have tried most places I can find and been going outwards and outwards (aside from the one that literally got ‘requires improvement’ on every single factor in July of this year, confess I’ve skipped that one) and the one possibility is forty minute drive away and it’s a horrible drive at that, literally involves a level crossing where you can wait for 15
minutes plus, two humped bridges that require traffic lights and then miles on the 30 mile an hour roads round our nearest big town that are chocka at rush hour, it’s why I’d discounted it up til now.

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Original poster

Throwaway380 · 13/10/2026 22:33

Soontobe60 · 13/10/2026 22:23

They may have less income but they will have the equity from the sale of the rental. Do they own it as joint tenants? If so, only half the equity will be deemed your mothers to fund her care costs and your father will get the other half to live on.
As brutal as it may sound, they may well be right in terms of getting her in a care home asap via a+e. If she has a fall, for example, and is admitted because there is no one at home to take care of her, she will come under the hospital social worker discharge team. They will do their best to find her somewhere if a discharge back home is deemed unsafe.

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There are also the questions of whether it’s the right home with this route as @SleepingisanArt has mentioned. She literally ended up with bed sores and almost burns (handed a hot cup of tea, luckily I stepped in took it from her) in the last care home she went into for respite as they shouldn’t have taken her in.

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