Friend reported me to Social Services

But the mother of the OP was screaming at the OP over something trite. Would you consider that a vulnerable lady?
Sounds like they were having a row. It happens, old, young, middle aged. Especially under the very stressful circumstances that they are both under. It's time to put things into perspective as well as listen to the OP. She actually sounds quite balanced imo.

Your friend did the correct and appropriate thing by reporting you. Neither you nor your mum are coping and the next time your mum is cruel to you and you loose your temper you could hurt her or your dad since they are vulnerable and frail.

Hopefully you will get some support now. Maybe ask for a referral into hospice services and see the counsellor there and encourage you mum to do the same (if that is a safe conversation to have, or ask someone else to have the chat).

I am. Wouldn’t call myself a saint by any means. Just trying to do my best. Cared for my 94 year old mother at home after she developed vascular dementia at the age of 88. Of course I had meltdowns. But they were in private and never once directed at anyone but myself. Throwing things around in the presence of a vulnerable 90 year old is not acceptable, and is an indication that OP is horribly stressed. Which is totally understandable given what she’s dealing with.

The fact that this man is a friend and still reported her suggests that his decision was informed by his experience. There is something about this that doesn’t sit quite right with me, and the fact that social services have involved the police - even if it’s only to take statements to clarify what happened - reinforces that

It depends what the 'verbal conflict and throwing things around' consisted of. I appreciate it must be a difficult situation, but considering your parents are elderly and vulnerable, this could potentially amount to or at least appear to be, abuse.

Not very good for social workers is it, rushing to judge he was heavy handed before even asking if she threw something at her parents or even hit them with the thing

Op, you deserve a medal for caring for your elderly parents for years

I agree he was bang out of order doing this
He could easily have encouraged you to seek support from SS, it was a report not made with good intentions

It may well work out well in this case, if you receive some support for you all, which is what you deserve

I’m a retired social worker. My responsibility regarding reporting abuse is no different from that of the general population, my registration has lapsed but, even if it hadn’t I am just an ordinary citizen when not at work.
I think he was heavy handed. If you said that you had hit your mother or were stealing from her I could understand it.
Did you throw something at her or just slam stuff around in temper?
He would have been better asking you whether you were finding the situation too stressful and if you needed more help.

What a horrible thing to do to a struggling friend. Very underhand, social worker or no social worker.

I'm also very surprised that the police have taken it so far as to visit and take a statement. Social services do contact police and health, so a multi agency decision can be made, though in most cases thats done away from the family and the police make a decision that there's no role for them and they're happy for it to be single agency, ie just social services following it up. It does make me think there may be more to it than what has been shared on the thread, not that I mean any slight on the OP. It's an extremely pressured situation for everyone involved.

Voice of reason. The minimising on this thread. I presume SS is there to help struggling families. The mate didn't call the police.

That’s a normal response though you wouldn’t know it judging by some of the angel Gabriel responses here!

I wonder if you are in touch with a carer's group, they will understand how difficult things can be. A friend of mine met her best friend at a meeting and they are able to go on holidays now as they have free time nowadays.

Absolutely this! OP, you deserve support too. Looking after elders is NOT easy.

You need to learn to regulate your emotions, not throw tantrums and lose your temper at your parents who are in their 90s ffs.

my dad was always an unkind person and regularly got nasty as an old man but i would have done something had i found out someone who had care for him as a vulnerable adult was behaving that way.

Surely a friend's response would be: "OMG, OP. You sound absolutely at the end of your tether. You need more support. What can I do to help? I can at least help guide you through the SS system to get it."

Your 90+ year old mother was screaming and shouting at you while you were throwing stuff around.

Your family must be pretty dysfunctional if you think that this is anywhere near normal. If I heard this going on next door I would call the police, not social services.

But if he knows how it works, he would have known that the police could have been called?

You need to learn to regulate your emotions, not throw tantrums and lose your temper at your parents who are in their 90s ffs. Your mate did the right thing

Or to be fair could actually be a one off?!

i’ll ask again. how would you know it was a one off. and you can’t say ‘because they said it was’

Your friend did the right thing. So have social work and the police.

your dad is a vulnerable adult and these things need checking out

I've worked in safeguarding. If I had concerns about a friend I would have told them I was referring them to social services as I have a duty of care and think they need support.I wouldn't do it behind their back.