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Elderly parents

Helping out

26 replies

Firstdaughter65 · 09/10/2026 17:10

My elderly parents refuse to ask my brothers, their sons to help once a month with the shopping errands. I’ve done my parents shopping now for a few years. I suggested this to my brothers in the beginning to help them both too, and I have been fine doing it until this past month or so. My sister helps and does one week a month. My siblings all work full time but I’m retired as is my husband. It’s all getting too much for me at the moment and I do other jobs for my parents also. Basically I feel I’m doing the bulk of the care. I’ve recently asked for help from my brothers suggesting we now have a rota where we all four take a turn each week. One brother ignored my message and the other brother said his Saturdays are busy and he likes time for himself on Sundays?? I’ve explained to my elderly parents the situation and my mum refuses to ask my brothers to help me as she says it will cause falling out. My mum also keeps appointments from them and only asks myself and sometimes my sister for help with these. Myself and my sister don’t drive but our husbands do therefore this falls on them. They both no longer have their parents. Both my brothers drive. It’s really upsetting me and I feel used. I too have a life and am a busy person myself. I love my parents deeply but can not get it over that it’s making me ill running up my own backside. I really don’t know how to resolve this other than refusing to do the shopping for a while forcing my mum to ask for help from my brothers. I should not be the one asking for help surley? it should be my parents doing this? Look forward to any advice please x

OP posts:
EmotionalBlackmail · 11/10/2026 16:49

In a similar situation with a useless Goldenballs sibling - except I work more
than him and have children still at primary school, but apparently elder
care is still my problem!

Phrase it as increasing their resilience. If they’re dependent on you and something happens to stop you being able to help for a few weeks (flu, Covid, your DH breaking a leg and unable to drive for 6+ weeks) then they’ll suddenly be in a crisis situation.
Whereas if they’re used to receiving supermarket deliveries, have a cleaner and use patient transport/local taxi company, that’s a far easier situation.

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