When to go along with things that aren’t true

Always go along with it, that’s the recommended advice. Imagine constantly being told your relatives have died, or being told you are wrong, over and over. Going along with what she says makes her more comfortable, and really, does it matter if she’s wrong? If you/he finds it difficult just swerve the conversation into something else.

A recent conversation I had:
Them - Aren’t you supposed to be at school now? (I’m 50!)
Me - Not today, and I wanted to visit you today. Did you have anything nice for lunch?
Them - fish and chips today (I know this is not true)
Me - oh lovely, I love fish and chips

Go along with them, join them in their world and give whatever comfort you can to them there.

I’m struggling to see what benefit your husband thinks there is in saying “no Albert died” rather than just “oh that’s nice”. Does he think that allowing her to live in a world that isn’t real will worsen her decline? Is he slightly in denial about her condition?

My mum has just started with dementia and we have done a lot of research into the best way to deal with thing and definitely you shouldn't remind her he has died. You deal with it just the way you did and make it as little an issue as possible. Well done. Don't remind her of things that will make her sad if she doesn't need to know. for example, if for some reason she asks if Albert is coming to visit soon, you could say something like, "Oh, remember (I know that mght seem cruel since it's a lie, but it's a kind lie) he's on holiday, he'll come next week" and she'll probably reply with "Oh yes, of course!" and be happy and not stress that she has been forgotten by Albert. You don't even have to include the "remember" bit if you feel uncomfortable, but it can help as they think, oh of course, I knew that... even though they don't, it makes them feel part of the conversation.

Go along with it. Correcting her is unkind and won't work anyway. It won't change what the Alzheimer's is doing.

Surely your husband can see that!

So your husband wants to actively frighten and hurt her every time by correcting her ? To what end ? She’s not going to remember and get it right next time.
it feels like he’s putting wanting to ‘be right’ and feeling superior above the feelings of a vulnerable old lady and quite frankly I wouldn’t be impressed with that.

I worked in a dementia care home. Some family would insist we told their relatives the truth about people who had died. We spent a lot of our days comforting very confused and sad people, they relived the grief over and over again. It made their days sad.

Also Google “Contented Dementia”

This was fil. I went along with it - on one occasion he said he’d bought a boat and was planning to sail with mil to Australia. He was in a nursing home and mil was dead.

Dh, otoh, hated going along with things and got upset at pretending mil was still alive. He said it was patronising and his df was not a toddler.

So I guess it’s easier as an in-law or unconnected person (eg staff) to mollify someone rather than an adult child who is distressed at the state of their parent.

Go along with it. Why cause distress when it'll be forgotten in a few minutes. When DSIL left DBIL (in dementia care home) she used to say she was going home and he'd get very upset. I said to tell him she was popping into the garden and they'd have a cup of tea in a minute, and she found she could leave peacefully. Is it called the butterfly method?

Go along with it, it’s the actual advice. Have a look on the dementia websites, see if there’s an explanation there. I’ve seen posters about it, the care home will know about it.

It pointless correcting them. And why would you want to retraumatise her by telling her her brother had died; she’s only going to forget that it until next time someone unkindly tells her again. Basically you agree and then distract.
Get some basic literature on how to communicate with loved ones who have dementia and both of you get with the program.

I went along with this sort of thing. Why upset them? I just smiled and nodded to all sorts of, frankly, nonsense. She was happier that way.

Go along with it. It's nice for her to think that Albert visited her, its not going to be nice for her to realise he's dead.

I thought the best thing is to go along with it, particularly if it is about people who have died.
If you insist on telling them that the person has died they are going to feel the full grief of that death, and not remember the next time they talk about them as alive. Why would you put someone through that upset again and again?
ETA: I think your approach is right. You don’t have to mention Albert unless your relative does first.

I agree with you.
Nobody gets hurt and no harm is done