Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

No eating

64 replies

NotTooOldPaul · 04/10/2026 17:22

Not about a parent but I thought this was the best place to post this.
I help to look after a lady who I hesitate to call elderly as she is only 79. I cook most of her meals, she has carers who do her personal care.
I’ve noticed a decline in her ability to remember stuff, I mean what day it is and similar, she also tells me the same stories about her youth time and time again. She spends all her days sitting watching TV or just sitting if she forgets to put on the TV
She does not eat a lot but these last couple of days have been ridiculous. Yesterday (Saturday) she had half a slice of toast for breakfast and half a sandwich for lunch, today she has eaten nothing.
She has a painful abscess at the top of her leg and is taking antibiotics and painkillers for this.
Someone suggested to me that this lack of eating might be a sign that she does not have long left to live, if that is so I need to try to tell her sister (her only blood relative) who lives 300 miles away and is not well herself.
I’m just wondering how serious this lack of wanting to eat anything is. I’d appreciate any advice.
I have suggested A&E or out of hours doctor, but she refuses these ideas.

OP posts:
orangetulipsinbloom · 11/10/2026 18:32

Thinking about you both.

MysterOfwomanY · 11/10/2026 09:12

I am so sorry to hear this. It's so hard for you. In hospital they will be able to keep an eye on her 24/7 and keep her comfortable.
Age is a spectrum - my DM didn't even make it to 78. Genetics play a big part and there's nothing you can do about that.
I hope you're being taken good care of yourself.

Original poster
NotTooOldPaul · 08/10/2026 22:02

crazymommaclub · 08/10/2026 21:21

I’m so sorry to read your update. Is there anyone who can be with you at this very difficult time? Xx

Edited

Thanks,
This thread is a great help. My daughter, son-in-law and grandson have visited as has my son and daughter-in-law. Son & daughter are there when I need them.
I'm home early(22:00) tonight as I need to sort out stuff for my sister-in-law staying tomorrow night,

OP posts:
crazymommaclub · 08/10/2026 21:21

I’m so sorry to read your update. Is there anyone who can be with you at this very difficult time? Xx

Sitoff · 08/10/2026 21:09

Still thinking of you both. You sound like you are well set up where you are with the room (and TV). I hope that you are both finding moments of peace together and finding it helpful to have staff on hand. Fingers crossed that your DW's sister makes it safely tomorrow.

Original poster
NotTooOldPaul · 08/10/2026 17:47

MyDadIsTheGreatest · 08/10/2026 17:15

So sorry to hear that. You could ask about hospice care at home which can make the last days much easier to cope with.

I thought of that but the journey would be too.much for her andvwe live in a first floor flat and I don't think she could be carried up the stairs without massive pain.

OP posts:
Original poster
NotTooOldPaul · 08/10/2026 17:45

ForeverAndEverCheese · 08/10/2026 00:08

Sending thoughts and prayers, Paul. Will she be remaining at the hospital or are they looking to transfer her? Is there anyone you can contact to be with you? Were you able to contact her sister?

Thanks. She has been moved into a ward, still a single room but it has a TV for me to watch. Her sister is visiting tomorrow.
She is on constant painkillers which are helping a lot.
She even recognised me briefly this morning

OP posts:
MyDadIsTheGreatest · 08/10/2026 17:15

So sorry to hear that. You could ask about hospice care at home which can make the last days much easier to cope with.

ApolloandDaphne · 08/10/2026 16:11

So sorry to hear this. You sound like a wonderful husband.

DarkLion · 08/10/2026 15:52

Oh my heart breaks for you 😞 I’m an elderly nurse myself, do you have any support or family around Paul? Do use these boards if you would like someone to talk to, be kind to yourself, you sound like such a dedicated Husband. Palliative care in hospital often provide support too and would talk to you if you would like them to. Thoughts are with you both at this time 💐

Sitoff · 08/10/2026 14:33

I am sorry to read your update. I hope that she is comfortable and that you are getting help as well as support for yourself. Thinking of you both.

catofglory · 08/10/2026 14:17

I'm so sorry to hear that. Flowers

ForeverAndEverCheese · 08/10/2026 00:08

Sending thoughts and prayers, Paul. Will she be remaining at the hospital or are they looking to transfer her? Is there anyone you can contact to be with you? Were you able to contact her sister?

Lizzieregina · 07/10/2026 23:45

I’m so sorry Paul 💐

I hope you have someone in real life to give you some support.

fourpaws · 07/10/2026 22:43

I'm so sorry to hear this Paul 💐💐💐

Wishing you both strength and peace

Original poster
NotTooOldPaul · 07/10/2026 22:29

I thought I would update this as so many people have put on such helpful posts.
The doctor decided today to end any treatment and start end of life palliative care. I am devastated but not surprised. .
Her kidneys and liver are not functioning and she is too frail to consider any further treatment

OP posts:
cheezncrackers · 06/10/2026 15:22

I'm so sorry @NotTooOldPaul What a shock for you both.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best.

CarrieMoonbeams · 06/10/2026 13:22

Oh my goodness, what a shame. Really glad you got the GP involved when you did.

Thinking of you both 💐

Sitoff · 06/10/2026 10:02

Thank you for updating - how worrying for you. Well done getting your DW the help she needs. I hope that you have managed to get some rest after your long night. Hospitals at night are exhausting. Absolutely make sure to look after yourself too.

heathspeedwell · 06/10/2026 09:33

Thank you for the update. Thinking of you both.

Please try to eat if you can, or at least have regular drinks. It's easy to forget ourselves when a loved one is in hospital.

Original poster
NotTooOldPaul · 06/10/2026 09:29

I thought I would update this.
Her GP came and organised an ambulance to hospital. I stayed with my wife until 05:00 this morning (Tuesday) and am about to go back.
She has internal bleeding and her kidneys and liver are hardly functioning. Today the doctors will know if they can do anything otherwise it will be pallitive care.

OP posts:
fourpaws · 05/10/2026 11:32

Hi OP, hopefully all is well with your DW but just to flag to you that my DM once had a skin infection that spread to her whole system without her ever having the obvious signs of infection such as redness, pain or a fever - so no-one realised what was going on. All we saw was that she 'felt very tired' and her appetite declined, until after about 3 days she suddenly became almost incoherent, as she had developed a systemic infection and was going into kidney failure.

Only at A&E did the blood tests show she had a serious systemic infection and was very dehydrated. I had to conclude that her immune system was not as on-the-ball as a young persons's and the infection had made merry wtihout her putting up the usual response eg inflammation and fever.

Hopefully the antibiotics are working and it is them that are suppressing her appetite as this is quite common, and she is not more seriously affected. But make sure she is drinking plenty even if not eating. And watch out for signs that she is extra tired and weak. Good luck

Original poster
NotTooOldPaul · 05/10/2026 09:48

I've been so helped by all the advice and support I've received on this.
I have spoken to her GP and she will do a home visit today and then decide what my wife needs.
Thank you everyone.

OP posts:
theblame · 04/10/2026 20:15

Try stuff you can leave out. If she does have dementia then taste buds can change so try stuff like apple crumble and custard, bowls of sweets, chocolate, biscuits etc

AlteFrau · 04/10/2026 20:15

My father in law who had dementia forgotten to eat. Perhaps stuff like Complan to get some nutrition through drinks. And if there are small things she really likes - chocolates, little cakes or biscuits - have those around.