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Elderly parents
Original poster

I dream that they will die and I feel bad

103 replies

realdeal7393 · 20/09/2026 17:14

I have a DM and DMIL in care homes. Before this, we’ve had ten plus years of crisis upon crisis, trauma after trauma.

Last week was another horrendous shit show of a week. I’ve realised that I’ve been waiting for a ‘stable period’ for over a decade.it never ever comes. By stable I mean no urgent, sickening, traumatic, distressing event happening for about 3 months. It’s NEVER gone more than a month without some heart stopping hideous shit show to sort out. They both have zero quality of life. They have suffered for years and years and years.

This morning I woke up to the realisation that I’ve been hoping they both die. I even walked into the fields and looked up at the sky with tears streaming down my face and begged the universe to release them.

OP posts:
Original poster
realdeal7393 · 20/09/2026 17:51

Glitchymn1 · 20/09/2026 17:24

I would say the majority of people both want that for themselves and the people they love. I’m so sorry, don’t feel guilty.
This is why I back assisted dying, I want it once I have no quality of life.
Practically, do they have DNR’s in place?

Yes they do. But every time one of them gets an infection, the doctors emotionally manipulate us into agreeing to antibiotics - and they drug them back into carrying on. DNAR - I think it’s unlikely to come into play though. Least not going to prevent more daily never ending pain, indignity, terror and suffering. I can’t see their hearts stopping, it would be a blessing if they did.

OP posts:
Glitchymn1 · 20/09/2026 17:24

I would say the majority of people both want that for themselves and the people they love. I’m so sorry, don’t feel guilty.
This is why I back assisted dying, I want it once I have no quality of life.
Practically, do they have DNR’s in place?

sunshine314 · 20/09/2026 17:19

So sorry but i get you. I wouldn't want to be a burden to my family either and hope for a quick way out. I do wonder when I'll get the phone call and i await with dread and relief. It's stress either way.

I keep thinking of what they do in Japan and leave them in a forest. Dying alone from exposure would be horrible but also peaceful? Not that I'll ever do that to someone obviously. I just wonder for myself, if that would be a "good" way to go.