Ideas for solutions to help much appreciated. (Elderly DM and neighbour with dementia).

If you looked at my previous posts I was suggesting this as general home safety measure. I have mine locked and have had for years. It’s absolutely no problem and I do feel safer on the back garden alone.

And why should she???? All this talk of fences and locks will make her even more scared!!! POLICE and senior officer and you go with her is only way forward. Less of the sympathy for the old bloke and more for your mum who is frightened in her own house and in her own garden and has been abused by the neighbours children!!!! Sod being nice and get angry on behalf of your mum!!! SHE is the priority to you NOT him!!! You are in work mode and need to be in how do I help my mum as a priority mode!!! Shouting at your mum for wanting to be safe in her own house??? NO not on! Police need to go and speak to them and tell them to lock THEIR doors for a start!!!!

Why should she be locked in??? The old man is the problem and the family should be locking HIS front door for a start!!!! The police need speaking to about the old man AND his abusive relatives as frankly they need charging for shouting at her and neglecting the old man! They won’t want him in a home s will lose their inheritance but if they want to keep him at home they need to keep him safe AND the neighbours!!! Sod being nice to them!!!!

Your mum needs to put a complaint into the police as she’s being harassed not just bh she old man but by their children and then shouting at her too CAN have something done about it!!! She frightened by all these people and that’s not on and that’s what the police are for! Go with her to the police and ask for a senior officer and ask why this wasn’t dealt with properly the first time!!

the relatives are responsible for their dad NOT you and your mum!!! Their behaviour needs pointing out by the police that it’s not on and they need to be told to sort their doors out to stop him getting out!!! This isn’t your or your mums problem to sort it’s THEIRS!!!

You could buy DM a couple of panic alarm key rings that make a huge noise when she turns the panic sensor on. She could have several positioned around house and garden.Their noise would alert others immediately.
But the errant neighbour must be doing other activities. His family being in denial can’t be a thing anymore. With that level of fixation he’s bound to be causing other issues within their home and the scales must have fallen from their eyes.

So as well as a camera and locking the gate, would a box for her post be useful as well as a box for the milk and a light that she could turn on from the house that would illuminate him on darker days and evening?

So her front door is behind the gate and she doesn’t want the gate locked as she’d be locked in?

A big bell on her gate would give her time to get in the house of he does come to the gate.

What about a sprinkler system in the garden?

You mention milk and post. How is the layout of your DM’s home? Our front door os accessible from the street but there is a gate before the back door and this is the one that’s locked.

Is your DM’s home similar?

Does your mum use a smartphone OP, or a tablet? As well as a Ring doorbell I also have a 'window cam' it's a small camera that sticks to the inside of the window and monitors outside. If it detects movement within its set range (which you can reduce or block areas out) it sends a notification to my phone and I get a beep. It's actually more sensitive than my Ring. You can also insert an SD card so that you can play back footage.

I would start with beefing up physical barriers. Make the fences taller and more secure. Fit taller gates with locks. Perhaps if it’s harder for him to approach the house, he will be put off a bit. But I agree with advice above to talk to interested parties and SS if needed. Just thought that the fence etc thing could be done very much more quickly than all the negotiations you will need.

I wonder if it's worth ringing your DM's local adult social care helpdesk. Explain that your DM is vulnerable living alone and this man is scaring her, and that the Police/man's family aren't being very helpful. Your poor DM, this must be horrendous for her.

What a hard situation.

if you are going to play nice then getting a phone number to contact every time he does this is a must. It spent be your mums problem, it’s for his family to deal with.

If they refuse this then you would be justified in escalating the matter.

Definitely put a padlock on the gate. I was burgled many years ago and have always had a padlock on the side gate since then.

Your DM might not want to be “locked in the garden” but can you persuade her on a home safety aspect?

If you are fitting a camera will you have one where you can store cottage and talk to people in view?

Personally I wouldn’t approach the family. They seem in denial, irrational and deeply unpleasant. Your poor DM has to live their full time and I would be worried about her if the family have already shouted at her.

I have a plastic crate by the gate with parcels written on it in sharpie.

it’s pretty waterproof and most post/milk/etc gets put in there no problem.

I’d imagine once the habit is broken you won’t need it (and he’ll probably bother someone else less amenable)

Several good suggestions from PPs here.
I would add that since the police won't do anything unless she is actually harmed - awful, I know - I would suggest that DM continue to call the police BUT tell them not that he is bothering her but that he appears to be a vulnerable, disorientated individual who is confused and at risk. That might get them to take notice.

If I've understood this correctly, your mother doesn't have a front door so her main entrance would be behind a padlocked side gate, if so i don't think this would be safe, if there was a fire or some other emergency and the key wasn't readily available your mother would be trapped. Perhaps some other mechanism may be safer, just a bolt high up on the inside so that emergency services could access it but the man with dementia couldn't.

I am not sure what the practical answer is, but please understand that these relatives are MASSIVELY failing in the duty of care. My mum had dementia and preventing her from doing things that hurt or scared, or potentially hurt or scared others was a massive part of the care we gave her. It is bloody disrespectful to the person with dementia to let them do things you know they would have not have done before they were ill.

A combination padlock could be a solution, it's a bit easier than messing around with keys. Yes it is inconvenient for deliveries etc but if there is a Ring doorbell/camera you can screen them.

My mum wandered severely during her last year at home with dementia, we had to secure their garden in the end, until my dad finally agreed to a care home. We used a combination lock, there was a sticker with the code but mum couldn't read or remember it.

You definitely need a number to ring "please fetch Fred back he's over here again".

I wonder if you could install a temporary barrier between the gardens OP? I understand about the no fence rule but realistically who is going to enforce it?

I am sure I have seen advertised ring type doorbells where you can talk to the person at the front door via a phone, even if you are not at the house yourself. Maybe something like this might work, especially if a man's voice shouted at him to bugger off or similar. In his demented state he wouldn't know that the male shouting at him wasn't actually in the house.