Is this lack of communication normal when a parent moves to respite care?

Exactly , she would be the point of contact .
They aren’t divorced I take it ?

A home doesn't have a marketing director... Most staff are overworked and on a low pay working 24/7 in a high need enviroment.
Most homes have a high turn over of staff.
Your DH need to be up front.

Are you sure they haven't been in touch with his wife? You said she is NoK.

Why is your DP being so passive? He should ring the home and ask how his dad is doing, whether he needs anything, whether he can visit, whether they know he's vegetarian, etc. Just because your DP has been told the name of the care home they may not have his details or know the family situation. It is always better to pick up the phone in these situations, not just sit at home fretting and waiting for it to ring.

No emails. You’d think email didn’t exist.

A member of staff at a care home once told me they are not allowed to email because it's so easy to make a mistake in the address and the email, which might contain personal information, goes to the wrong person.

This, if your partner is poa of course it’s their responsibility to make contact!
did he and his dad have a good relationship?

I’m not getting the best impression of your partner as either a partner or a son from what you write. Pay close attention OP. This is the type of care and attention that you can expect from him if you’re ever vulnerable.

Didn't you go to the home when he was moved to make sure he was settled in and had everything he needed? I would have thought making sure he was OK in his new surroundings was the family's responsibility.

Maybe he could ring them? I would have gone in with stuff by now, spoken to the admin regarding funding and spoke to care staff so they could learn a bit about him.

Your partner was ‘only’ given the name of the care home as that is all he needs. It’s up to him to follow up on that not sit and wait.

I agree - not your dad not your responsibility.

However, I do think that your DP's unwillingness to engage with the nursing home isn't normal. The exception being if he has a poor relationship with his dad which means that he is low or no contact with him. Communication with hospital, social care services and nursing homes can be poor - so not hearing from the nursing home would be within the bounds of "normal" but clearly not ideal. Which is why it's generally better for family members to take a lead or at least be equal partners in communication.

He shouldn't be paying the bill personally. The swd need to do a financial assessment of his dad and see what he has to pay. So unless your partner can access his dad's bank account with his poa the don't pay it.

Im afraid I’d be a little bit more harsh and tell him ‘he’s your father, ring the home and bloody well find out what’s going on!’

I think all I would say to him is that nothing bad will happen if he contacts the home.

@Ghostlyglow i'm not sure what to say really

If he is self funding, why were the arrangements made by social services? I suspect that's where your communication gap is. The care home probably think they have to communicate directly with social services.

I had a complicated situation with my mum in respite care. The hospital kept saying that social care would sort it if I just left it a couple of days. She was also self funding.

I was happier with me being in charge rather than social services. In fact I think some private care homes won't deal with social services at all?

they asked me loads of questions because they are aware that hospital records can be pretty dire.

Anyway, I found the care home incredibly helpful but I was there when mum was assessed in the hospital, I was there when mum was taken to the care home. But I know from talking to other others with the same experience, sometimes they get so many calls they find it annoying.

If you can physically get to the care home and introduce yourself, that will help

Have you seen the care home and is it nice? I do sometimes wonder if we were just really lucky with the staff.

mum's been in respite care twice, the second time she went in from home and I had had a nervous breakdown looking after her, so someone else dealt with that admissions bit and that person also said that the care home seemed very nice and went over and above what they needed to do.

I wouldn't be surprised if you suddenly just get an invoice in the post.

Fair enough but given how poor communication is usually with hospital staff - even when you're right there in front of them - I would still contact the nursing home myself - even just to introduce myself, make sure they had the correct information, and ask if they needed anything more from me.

The hospital have told him which nursing home his parent is going to and will, quite reasonably, expect your DP now to contact the home. I don't understand why he hasn't done that. As the arrangements seem to have been made by the hospital, it's possible that the nursing home don't even have contact details for your DP - he needs to make contact.

Absolutely fair enough @Ghostlyglow and it is always noticeable to me who asks this stuff on MN and who is NOT here asking questions. 💐

I agree with this. Phone now. Make sure they know about him being vegetarian. In my experience, homes and very good when you phone them.

I think it’s up to your DP to be proactive. He needs to be the one contacting the care home, not vice versa.