Tell us how your Elderly Parents community works

Probably AI. More corner cutting. Unsurprising!

Wouldn’t be surprised if it was AI generated!

Ha! Well op just got her arse handed to her

I thought that too. And was really confused.

Surely, at the very least, MN staffers should be able to word an OP articulately and with clarity.

The posters here are struggling with huge burdens and they try to support each other.

Mumsnet is an enormous site which earns enough money from their intrusive and copious adverts to pay for any additional written materials it requires.

The reason the site is huge is because of all the ‘free ‘content’ provided by posters as they seek support in desperate moments.

Mumsnet is already exploiting this free content and now it wants it’s free/volunteer content providers to supply additional labour in the form of analysis, summaries or guides.

We’re not stupid you know!
Do your own work and stop embarrassing yourself.

I’d like to suggest something MN could do to protect this community - have a policy of not putting a thread from this forum on Trending or Facebook, not keen on Active either - we don’t need judgement from people who have no clue how hard this is.

« A Dialectical Study of Conflict, Camaraderie and Online Community- Boomers’ approach to elder care »

How about that?🧐

What more can I say OP? 😂 . I think you get the drift. It almost reads like the OP is desparately scouting for material for an ill judged research project at a particularly bad university. I graduated from the caff three years ago when my difficult elderly mother eventually dropped off her perch. This board kept me sane, allowed me to say the unsayable, provided an outlet for white hot rage, despair, and stress. And an endless supply of black humour. And useful info. And virtual cake.

( whispers) thanks guys 😉
@Eleanoratmumsnet hope that’s clarified things?

Edited to say

Oh shit, wrong thread.

I have a mental image of a bright young thing with a clipboard( or maybe tablet cos we’re digital) stumbling in to the caff and finding the good daughters room empty and full of tumbleweed, and then finds the raucous noise emanating from the very crowded bad daughters bench where women are sobbing, raging, or just stealing a precious minute for a cuppa, chocolate biscuit , rant…or search for info on lpoa/
Incontinence pads/ how to get your stubborn elderly to accept care….. whilst necking a v large glass of red wine.

So lovely to see some old friends on this thread. 🤗.

Newcomers are generally signposted from AIBU not realising this board exists. Or new to MN entirely because they’re googling about an issue they have with their elderly relative and it’s been discussed here previously. If you’ve read some of the cockroach cafe you will know full well the support that people give and receive every single day.

And I’m not sure why I should need to point this out to someone on a “digital” team, but generally newcomers to an online community, any community, start off by lurking and reading to get a feel for the tone before dipping in a toe to join the discussion. Or if they need/want to join straight away then it’s generally considered good manners to politely introduce yourself first before starting with an imperative “tell me” post without a please or thank you in sight.

New customers of the cockroach cafe generally manage to stagger in and say hello even under the stress they are - I’m sure if you’re doing “research” you can do it too.

@Eleanoratmumsnet the answers to your questions are in the threads, cockroaches and all. The section that was pinned to some of the older threads give all the info.
As a veteran and graduate of the threads they are a very special place for posters at one of th3 hardest times of their lives.

Why do we need a guide? I’d you read the threads you can figure it out yourselves. What is it with these
threads? It’s your website do your own research.

It’s a very strange opening post. It’s written from the perspective of someone who knows what they want to achieve, but does nothing to explain it to everyone else. They dropped it into the Cockroach Cafe with no comment.

It reads like the kind of email I send when I’m already late and have to dash something off because it can’t be left until there’s time to do a proper job.

Typical Mumsnet. Any way to get people to do their work for free.

I'm finding these 'guide' threads very odd.

People should be free to post on this board for support without having to knowing the bloody in jokes.

@PrizedPickledPopcorn The way to get your arse handed to you, is to say, ‘You’ll be sorry when s/he’s gone!’.

Or say, "Of course I will move in with my elderly relative and provide all their personal care for the rest of their life, anyone who says they wouldn't is a monster'. Generally said by someone who has next to no idea about caring for an elderly person with complex and evolving needs.

@Eleanoratmumsnet This isn't going to go how you want. PPs have nailed it about everything, including having no fucks left to give, and not wanting a guide to how to post/interact on this topic. I post little but read a lot, and my hackles went straight up at your rude, demanding OP. Suggest you close this one and try reading the topic a lot more.

The existing members support newcomers, there isn’t, ‘something they need to know’.

The rules are,
don’t judge because this situation sucks. It’s ok to let off steam, the people here are the ones doing the grunt work so they are allowed to complain.

The way to get your arse handed to you, is to say, ‘You’ll be sorry when s/he’s gone!’.

I don't think there is any need for a guide. People should be able to access this board as and when necessary, in a way that suits them. No need for rigid rules or one right way of doing things.

If anyone posts anything offensive or insensitive, then they should expect to have their arse handed to them on a plate. If anyone posts genuinely looking for information, advice, support or just solidarity, then I'm sure that will be forthcoming. Isn't it just basic common sense?

This is all very true.
And because of this, to some extent I feel protective of this space and the people who come here to find support. It feels distasteful to put us under the microscope and write a guide about how to interact here. We're all navigating difficult and emotional paths. Who's to say how anyone should express their pain. The request from OP feels intrusive.

I'm feeling kind today.

I found the elderly parents boards a lifeline when my darling Dad was diagnosed with cancer aged 82. The Cockroach Cafe was my safe space where I could say what was in my head without anyone judging me. I could say things that I would never have said out loud, if that makes sense.

It's a much gentler and safer corner of MN to be in and I'm not really sure that the normal need for boundaries apply in this section. I found that several other users were in exactly the same situations and we all lost parents within weeks of one another. I'll never forget the kindness that I found from those people, and everyone else frequenting that chat.

In summary, posters on this board are on their last shredded nerve. Tread carefully OP 😁

Eff off. (Does that help with "tone"?)