Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

As others have said, it's due to their shrunken world and lack of agency as more and more things become done to them, rather than them being able to choose to do things for themselves. And that's completely understandable. If you have so little control of your environment, blaming others for your discomfort or loneliness or unhappiness makes sense. While such people are difficult to be around, especially if you are being paid to be with them, the least you can do is try to understand where they're coming from and why they might appear unreasonable.

These aren't the people you are talking about, but age is a great leveller in my view.

I have very elderly (late eighties) "silent generation" parents. They are poor really (although they can just about manage with help from things like attendance allowance). They aren't quite poor enough (small savings, careful spending) to get things like pension credit. They don't own their own home but are safe in social housing, for which I'm grateful and for which they pay standard rent from their fixed income.

They don't complain. Their world is now very small and they are often in pain for one reason or another. The world and technology has got away from them. They worked hard all their lives in important but low-paid jobs.

Why can't we respect older people anymore? This will be us soon enough.

Their world has shrunk.

For example, My mum would never have noticed carpet not being vacuumed but when she can only sit in a chair unless taken out by someone she only has the carpet to look at.

I think that’s what my FIL most misses at 86 as I mentioned previously - I think he misses ‘mattering ‘ to anyone but his close family - as he always says ‘I’m yesterdays man ‘

I don't know about that. I peruse Mumsnet regularly and there is an awful lot of moaning from people of all ages. I try to remember that women are not a homogeneous entity and you don't know what they are dealing with on a daily basis. A lot of women post just to vent or seek support . Othering other women with glib ,smug comments does us all a disservice

Anxiety over feeling a gradual loss of control/ability and knowing that it is only downhill from there.

@june35 I was born in 1961, I have 45 years full stamp and no pension till I'm 67

My parents are mid 80s. I can’t think of any of their siblings or friends who did not work.

I’m not talking about the 90s. The ‘elderly’ people who are over 80 now would have had children in the 50s, 60s and 70s.

I’m not elderly but I don’t work and don’t leave the house. When your world shrinks, smaller things become much bigger as you kind of hyper-focus. Theres no distractions of work, no popping to the shop for a chat, no dropping the kids to school. Isolation is really fucking distressing and naturally you do feel sorry for yourself. You mourn your old life. You yearn for the days when you were meaningful and meant something to people. You miss companionship and health.

How far back are you going to 'Back then'?
Because this is another MN myth that needs to be laid to rest once and for all imo.
I was a child in the 1970s and my mum stayed at home, as did most (maybe all) of my friends mums, but by the time my first baby was born in 1993 (12 weeks maternity leave, no paternity leave, no help towards nursery fees, no flexible working incidentally) all of my friends were working mothers.
The nonsense on here about families in the 1990s and 2000s living comfortably on just one wage is exactly that - nonsense.
And the life my mum had as a SAHM and we had as children of a SAHM bore no resemblance to the life a lot of today's parents have. If my mum ran a car, took us to exciting activities during the school holidays, paid for clubs and soft play and lunches out as standard practice and expected to have regular breaks, holidays, takeaways and grooming appointments, she wouldn't have been able to afford to be a SAHM either.

Yes, smaller worlds and a bit of disconnect, old age is not for sissies!

You are in the wrong job OP if you sit there envying the easy life you imagine these people had. Better to work with younger disadvantaged people you can empathise with.

Women were limited in terms of career prospects, protections when in work (basically nil), no maternity leave (you’d probably just have been sacked), and society was generally more set up for women to rely on men. It would have been pretty shit if you were a single or unmarried mother.

That’s not to say though, that it’s perfect for women now. ‘Back then’ it was possible to live on one salary (almost impossible now unless one is a high earner) and being a SAHM was the norm - whereas now many women would like to be a SAHM but can’t afford it, or they feel they shouldn’t due to societal attitudes. I am not saying that it was better when women had little choice but to be a SAHM, but today it’s gone totally the other way due to various reasons.

But older women have had some things better than younger women - if they’re older than 76 they got their pension at 60. Women born after the late 70s will be waiting until they’re at least 68.

The nasty way the issues older people face are waived away with 'they can pay for it'. Pure spite.
I can only assume - hope - that the unpleasant posters have not yet got very elderly parents (as in, 85+, not in their 70s - most people manage Ok in their 70s).
It's deeply unpleasant.

I wouldn't waste your breath, they don't want to know about the problems the older generations have faced in their lifetime. They want to carry on with the conviction that theirs is the only generation to have known hardship.

I'm going to pick up on your final comment that 'they could all pay for anything they ever needed'.

That just isn't true.

My DM can't pay for an uninterrupted night's sleep, or forward her lung condition to disappear. My Dad can't pay to be fit enough to climb ladders and lift things, nor to improve his short term memory.

Wealth can help stuff, but can't address failing health and cognitive ability of old age and help retain independence.

@june35 Whatever, older people then. The people the OP is complaining about.

If you think they had a better life maybe have a look at what women's rights were like "back then"

I think it’s mainly this - my 86 year oldFIL is really not a moaning man and was a senior professional engineer project manager- hiszworld has shrunk, he describes himself as yesterdays man and whijst he keeps himself busy and active as much as he can , friends and colleagues are no longer around, no kids to look after, far less to occupy the brain I think other than aches and pains, bits of jobs around home - way more funerals than stag nights, weddings, last minute trips away etc- his work skills are now obsolete which saddens him I know and he finds technology hard to keep up with even though he’s not too bad for his age -the only moaning tends to be of the kind that the OP mentioned - can’t access stuff without an app, tradesmen changing plans and dates, general unkemptness of some public areas, slight obsession on scams and various stuff that I think he gets from GB News, designed to influence and annoy chaps like him

A lot of the ‘elderly’ are not boomers. The oldest boomer today would be 80 and the youngest 62. I wouldn’t class someone in their mid 60s as elderly anyway.

There are over 3.1m people over 80 still alive and they would be the ‘silent generation’ not Boomers.

I’ve seen it with my own parents. Their world shrinks and smaller problems become magnified. The happiest seniors I know are those with good social connections and able to still have their hobbies, but not everyone’s health allows this, and of course the older you get the more of your friends and family pass away. I’ll probably be the same, much as I dislike the prospect.

Also, you don't sound sympathetic or understanding. You sound mean.

Not all old people are like this. My grandmother never was even at 90, though she had a busy life and lots to occupy her mind. I think that makes a difference.

I do have another relative who is like this though. In her case I think it’s due to physical pain, immobility and having a very small world nowadays. She listens to the radio and the tv and is very easily wound up and influenced by that rather than what’s going on in the ‘real world’ as she’s not able to get out there anymore. She has little patience. Unfortunately she has become quite bitter too, but she has nothing else to focus on.

@Oneearringlost has nailed it in my view