Why do (some) elderly complain so much?

Why cant people who work with people complain? Are they supposed to be selfless saints?

Aw thank you !! Yep even at 64 I appreciate it when the students at the nearby Uni chat to me at bus stop , I do think it’s quite hard to get the invisibility aspect - till you start to experience it - your mum sounds a cracker, good for her .

Disingenuous tripe. You knew exactly what you were doing.

I spend hours upon end listening!

And judging them too eh? Revolting

@"Imake a point of chatting to elderly people I see in cafes or at bus stops because I know from my FILs comments one of the biggies for most is the invisibility or the feeling that you matter or anyone is interested in you apart from close family and the doctor! "

That's nice! You don't know, but it could have brightened up their day.
My mum is 96 and still gets the tube into central london ( while exasperating fellow passengers when she needs help carrying her walker up the stairs!) And walks a mile to her allotment and back so she can fill her freezer with her homegrown fruit and veg. But she will always mention a chat she had on the platform, or at the bus stop.
She's robust and engaged and optimistic but she recognises shes "invisable" and mourning her life which she knows is closing.
Every day, every interaction is a bonus.

I hope so too. I don't actually have any family, other than a handful of cousins who I am not close with, so I have no-one to lose there.

I was actually thinking of my parents who managed to keep fairly cheerful and accepting up until their deaths at 88 and 89. I understand why old people are often grumpy, and have already said so on this thread, but I objected to the idea that NO older person can maintain an air of jollity when many of them do.

David Bowie once said “Aging is an extraordinary process whereby you become the person you always should have been."

For good or ill, I think it often tends to amplify or people’s personality traits. Similar to “in vino veritas” ?

The OP may be more sensitive and empathetic than most, so is affected by being around negative or unpleasant people.

Mumsnet itself is a pretty negative place overall, what with the pile-ons and personal rudeness to OPs asking genuine questions. I prefer Reddit these days (depending on the forum of course, some more genuine and helpful than others).

In the face of rude, whiny, or selfish people the best thing to do IMO is to limit interactions as much as possible, or else adopt the “Let Them“ philosophy and try not to take it personally. Good luck OP.

Really they never worked and never struggled? I'm not sure who you are talking about, might be me, but I worked extremely hard and struggled a lot when young to get where I am now. Then as now some people are fine and many people are struggling. If they are paying for your lifestyle I would not be so disparaging.

MN is full of people moaning about trivial shit. I don't think the majority on MN are 'elderly'

Goady, ageist thread.

What a sad, ageist and bitter thread. What do those of you who judge think you’ll be like when you get older? Hopefully, you’ll have people to care for you and listen to you with kindness, respect and empathy. One thing that is certain is that getting older will happen to us all! And with it loss of energy, possibly mobility and problems with sight and hearing. It’s hard for elderly people living in an ablist and judgemental world.
Many of them do not have the funds to buy resources to make their lives more enjoyable or to improve their health and social wellbeing.

Or indeed their childhoods. Sharing beds with siblings, only an outside toilet, no central heating, corporal punishment in schools, rationing… Young people today wouldn’t last a day.

When out parents got to this stage, DSis encouraged me to listen out for what was being complained about. Anything making them unsafe, obviously pay attention otherwise let them get on with it.

There isn’t much left in their lives.

This.
when your life is quiet you hear the noise of minor things that you would never have time for if you are busy.

I used to do care work. Home care.
We mostly covered local authority clients, so working class, mostly women.
I found them to be mostly resilient, humorous and grateful (not that I needed gratitude; I just needed to know I'd done a good job!). They just shrugged and got on with it, as they'd done all their lives.
Private clients tended to expect more, and to complain more.
But the biggest difference was between men and women.
Some of my 'guys' were lovely, but the bulk of complaints was from men. They were more likely to talk down to me, to object to foreign colleagues, and expect me to do tasks over and above what I was there to do.

Absolutely this. My mother went back to work when her youngest was 12. She was bored stiff at home but couldn’t go back to work earlier. She didn’t have a washing machine or central heating until the seventies . Never had any money for herself, new clothes, trips or lunches out. They didn’t have a holiday until she was left some money by a relative. She’s now very elderly and well off, but she had years and years of struggle and hardship. I was brought up not to leave lights on, not to waste hot water, make do and mend .We didn’t have a TV until I was 12, and then it was rented as this was the norm. You have no idea what these elderly people’s lives were like. My parents worked very hard for what they had and did without a lot that young people these days think are necessity. If you met my mother now, you would think she’s a rich lazy woman who has had it easy. Not so at all.

It’s hard for older people as their sight and hearing deteriorate, so conversations are harder. Their balance isn’t as good, they are often managing multiple health conditions which restrict their lives in many ways and cause worry. The world has changed so massively that they find it hard to relate to others or what they see around them. The cultural mindset of this country has altered very dramatically just in the last decade. They feel redundant, overlooked and useless. No one is interested in them. They may be dealing with bereavement or mobility issues which mean they can’t go out as easily, particularly if they no longer drive.

It’s hard dealing with call centres and the internet. My mother has never learned to use a computer and can’t do anything online. She finds pressing endless options on the phone stressful and struggles to understand what is being said to her. Her bank doesn’t have a branch anymore so she can’t speak to anyone about banking face to face. She can’t work things , can’t lift things easily anymore. Many of her friends have died and her siblings are also elderly and ill. The life she knew has disappeared and she struggles to cope with the way the world is now.

OP you shouldn’t be able working with the elderly. You sound totally lacking in empathy.

Honestly I think a lot of people (not just pensioners, all ages) don’t understand what the triple lock actually is or how it works. Reading some comments online, some people think ‘removing the triple lock’ means removing the state pension, or taking away a big chunk of it.

Which of course it wouldn’t mean that. But keeping it for much longer could spell disaster if we are in deflation and earnings don’t increase (or Infact decrease). Somehow, 2.5% would still need to be found to increase the state pension. Or if average earnings don’t increase but we have massive inflation, state pension would go up according to inflation despite less money in the kitty.

Triple lock is not sustainable and the pensioners of tomorrow will be paying for it (as they’ll be waiting even longer to get theirs, if they ever do).

And they did not ask for the triple lock.

Successive governments are too timid to change this as pensioners are such a big group and consistently turn out on polling day.

I am now getting my pension and would bite the bullet if changes were needed. I am not rich but appreciate that as the number of pensioners grows the balance of those paying in and those receiving could become a problem.

I hope you will manage this ....

Being in constant pain makes you grumpy. Not having the energy or strength to do what you want any longer shrinks your world. Lots of these things you mention have the same subtext: I am no longer in control - of the unhoovered carpet, the coffee I drink etc.

I'm only 62 and pretty fit. But recently a debilitating injury in my left wrist has really limited me. I can't put any weight on it, so can't do much of my favourite exercise, yoga, bodyweight and bootcamps. I'm reminded of it all day long - you don't realise how often your non-dominant hand bears weight until ordinary jobs are excruciating. It's tiring too. And if pain keeps you awake most nights, sleep deprivation can make people very tetchy. I feel so much grumpier and lower energy right now, and it does put you in a childish 'not fair', nitpicky mood.

The housing issue is very very region specific though and sadly at a peak where there are more better paid jobs and nicer places to live - my son lives in my home town, just bought a very nice 3 bed semi in a good area ( well as good as it gets in that area) for £210k - totally done up, huge lovely garden - would I want to live there, no , as I hate the area but I can’t say housing issue an issue to him or his partner.

I have said it many times on here but indulge me to say it again.
I have no idea where the rhetoric has taken root that the young families of today are uniquely burdoned and their struggles are worse than any generation that has come before them.
EVERY generation deals with the issues that they face at the time. The current problem is housing costs. My generation's struggle was negative equity and much higher interest rates (although this is usually shouted down as no generation has it as bad as today)
The years of raising your children are, were and always will be the most expensive of your life. Again, there is nothing new about young families being short of cash.
What is new is the utter contempt shown towards older people who are seen to have more than they have and the feeling that this is unfair in some way.
To be clear. I would strongly support ending the triple lock and balancing help across the generations.
But pensioners did not ask to be born when they did and to despise them for this is just awful

I make a point of chatting to elderly people I see in cafes or at bus stops because I know from my FILs comments one of the biggies for most is the invisibility or the feeling that you matter or anyone is interested in you apart from close family and the doctor! - it’s a tough pill to swallow - I think a lot of this is because many younger people are having a tough time getting well paid work, homes, even having a family and perception is a lot of elderly people had it a lot easier and hence have amassed assets and cash - this is a very mixed picture there are still plenty of elderly folk who have little and many who still rent too and don’t have nice plentiful private pensions but if you looked on social media then all you would see is wall to wall ‘epic retirements’, cruises, second house buying in France etc because those who struggle aren’t busy posting that -

"What is it about their experiences that are SO bad. We all know they probably had the best of life compared to us younger folk, many of the women never worked or had to struggle"

What a bloody idiotic statement

My mum is in her 80s, quite frail and immobile, can't see or hear very well. Her world has shrunk considerably. She was always very sociable and active. Now she can't drive or even look after herself without help. All of her siblings are dead. Most of her friends have died or have dementia and living in care homes. Yes, she moans about her ailments and the state of the world and lots of other things. But I sit and listen and try and change the subject to more cheerful things (only successful some of the time!) I do it because I feel for her - getting old and having to be dependent on others is shite 😩

And yet many do.