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Elderly parents

DM won’t go to GP despite sudden weight loss and back pain

81 replies

GoldenGretchen · 13/06/2026 18:22

DM lives with us. 79, very active up to this week. Lifelong smoker. Dog walking an hour a day, coffee with friends. In the last week she’s suddenly gone downhill. She’s not had a great appetite since March, has put it down to a virus. In the last week she’s stopped eating, just picking at a couple of mouthfuls. She’s lost a huge amount of weight in two weeks or less. Terrible back pain keeping her awake at night. She’s doing almost nothing but lying on her bed. Not cooking, not dog walking, not functioning. She’s clearly very ill. She’s always had white coat syndrome and won’t go to the GP. I have two DCs under 10 at home. I love her, we moved in with her so I can look after her but I need her to go to the GP! She just gets cross with me because she’s frightened. Just venting really so I keep my patience with her as I totally understand why she’s putting her head in the sand but it’s so hard to watch her in pain. I’m realistic about likely outcomes. Glad of this page.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 13/06/2026 18:36

I have elderly parents and even though I hate lying, I have lied in situations like this.

Could you say you have googled it and believe she has a kidney infection and needs antibiotics?

ForDreamyMintHare · 13/06/2026 18:33

But if you rung me as her GP and told ne what you have said here, I'd offer to send her a text saying that we need her in the surgery for a blood pressure check if that would help get her there......

ForDreamyMintHare · 13/06/2026 18:32

GPs visit those who are housebound or terminally ill. If she has capacity she has to want to be seen.

Pickledonions12 · 13/06/2026 18:30

I'd ring on Monday and ask for a home visit.

GoldenGretchen · 13/06/2026 18:28

She could go, I’d drive her. She “doesn’t want to be a nuisance”. I’ve offered to call 111, she doesn’t want me to. Atm I’m keeping an eye and will phone GP Monday if all else fails. She’s fearsomely stubborn and independent.

OP posts:
Crunk · 13/06/2026 18:25

Can you ask the GP / someone from their team to visit your Mum? It sounds like she could be in too much pain to make the visit herself