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Elderly parents

How to find a nursing home - not self funded / no hospice available

107 replies

tigerbear · 23/05/2026 16:18

Hi all,
My MIL has a fractured pelvis after a fall, cancer of the intestines, dementia, rectal problems, septicaemia, several infections - inc recurring bladder infections, diabetes etc and has declined massively in the last week. She can’t stand, and is having difficultly eating, breathing issues etc.

GP advised it would be too taxing and distressing for her to be taken to hospital, as would likely be on a trolley in casualty for up to 48 hours.

Shes at home, with carers visiting three times a day, plus family support of someone going in every day, but this is becoming too much for the family to deal with - eg her daughter and sons are having to clean her up if she’s had a toileting incident, change her pads, etc Understandably, distressing for everyone.

the family have been told she needs 24 hour care.
Such is her decline, that people from the local hospices visited today, but there are no beds available, and they said she’s not technically critical enough to take in, and recommended we look into nursing homes.

Theres also 95 year old FIL at home, who is disabled and needs help, so the house can’t be sold to self fund care for MIL.

I’m trying to research what the options could be - I believe they’ve been assessed by the LA, and that their savings are only about £2k

How does one actually find a nursing home who will take patients who can’t self fund?
I’m searching online, but it brings up homes that are extortionate.

At a loss of what to do next.
any help much appreciated.

OP posts:
tigerbear · 23/05/2026 16:37

Thanks for the suggestions so far.
Ive been googling to look at options, but as @Mossstitch said, will we even get a choice as to which home she could get put in?

OP posts:
Octavia64 · 23/05/2026 16:37

if she’s not self funding you need to get on to adult social care.

expect a fight

Jennalong · 23/05/2026 16:35

Sorry to hear you are struggling . Sadly there is no quick move into a state funded care home .
You will need to contact adult social care who are more than likely already extremely busy . This is obviously a b/ h so contact them Tuesday . When you get an appointment an assessment is made on the persons needs and not really the carers so be prepared for them to say they are not at the point of a care home .
They then go away and review their findings .
All this can take weeks / months .

PermanentTemporary · 23/05/2026 16:32
  1. She well be eligible for CHC funding if she is considered to be at end of life. Do you have a social services contact to ask about it? Or Google how to apply for it for your area. The hospice people may know more. You may then get a limited range of those who will accept it.
  2. Just try googling nursing homes for your area - pick a place which will be convenient for your dad to visit - and start ringing round asking if they will take people on local authority funding.
  3. Put the word out on any WhatsApp groups for people of your sort of age for local recommendations.
  4. I don’t have any connection with them but you may find the Lottie app helpful - but I didn’t actually end up using it myself and I do still get constant adverts…
Mossstitch · 23/05/2026 16:28

If she has carers coming in I presume they have already had an adult social care assessment, get onto them and explain the situation that you are not coping. They and GPs have the ability to access nursing home beds directly, in my area called crisis response beds. Unfortunately as not self funding there is no point in looking at them yourself as you won't really have a choice where the bed is.

ToSayYouHaveNoChoiceIsAFailureOfImagination · 23/05/2026 16:26

Have you looked at the AgeUK website? They have a few guides to explain. This is a good place to start

ageukig06carehomes_inf.pdf share.google/815CH92IgCCOTHc9a

LaDoIceVita · 23/05/2026 16:26

In my experience (DM and MIL), it's Adult Social Care that choose the home if someone isn't self-funding. With MIL, we had a choice of three homes but that was about fifteen years ago. With DM, there was no choice as only one home had a space. The exact procedure might vary between councils but you do need to speak to ASC about this.

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