Care homes make me think people never die

That's young nowadays though

MIL died at 71. I think if she had been in a care home she would have lived for many more years. She never would have gone jn one though.
Her main issues were taking medication and drinking water and needed someone to supervise her. She was fine when she was in hospital and someone did that.

My grandmother went into a care home relatively okay for her age and died a couple of weeks later

Who is paying for these state run care homes?

But then there would be several tiers of care, and old age would be something to make a profit on. There should be one level of care-good care!

You could make the same argument about children’s nurseries though- why should companies profit from childcare.

I have to admit to being glad my DPs are at a care home that only accepts paying residents. I find it particularly iniquitous that when there’s mixed residents the private residents costs are bumped up to cover the difference.

The main issue as far as I can see is that in DPs care home, most of the carers don’t speak very good English and there appears to be a fair bit of turnover. They seem like caring and hardworking staff but the language barrier causes an issue because both of my DPs are - like many elderly people- fairly deaf and DMs speech is failing so she is difficult to understand. I am not sure how having council run care homes would get round this unless they paid the carers more and I suspect they wouldn’t.

I agree that good carehomes are desperately needed. I think they should be run by the state though. Maybe with different offers according to what people want to pay. Old age shouldn’t be something to make profit on.

Sorry - double post, edited

Care homes are as necessary as nurseries and crèches if we are to pursue ‘personal happiness’ as our primary motivation. Women used to do all of this care, at each end of life. But it’s not a lot of fun, it’s low status, there’s no money in it, and there are much more fun/rewarding/personally enriching things to do than wipe bums and feed mush to old people / babies. So we hand it over to private equity to provide a solution - just like we do with nursery and crèche, where people with fewer options do all this shit work for us. And we say that’s progress. The job still has to be done - but we get to choose to not do it now. And like everything else private companies will step in to provide these services for us.

i was a SAHM for ten years: I’ve no desire to care for aged parents for ten years. But part of the problem is that people generally used to retire then pop their clogs a few years later. They died of heart attacks, pneumonia, flu, sometimes cancer - not lingering on for years and years in a state that requires specialist equipment and round the clock, hands-on care to manage the most basic bodily functions.

I see it the other way, it will be life-changing for those that develop early onset dementias. And for those that are older and more frail at diagnosis, it will improve their quality of life until their body gives up from other causes, possibly allowing more of them to stay at home. They may also maintain capacity and autonomy over their care and enable them to say enough’s enough for treatments.

A chap that I know is at the cliff face of dementia research/drug development. He’s full of enthusiasm that a drug they are developing will slow dementia, note slow not cure. So essentially in the next 20yrs we might be living with dementia for even longer. He thinks it'll be a marvellous thing, I’m not so sure!

But if care homes didn’t exist what is the alternative?
Maybe I am just too much of a capitalist but it doesn’t seem ridiculous that those owning them would expect them to run at a profit and 19% doesn’t seem ridiculous. I do wish of course that the care staff were paid more, but you could say that about most businesses.

The issue is caused by people living too long due to medical intervention. I tried to keep DPs at home for as long as possible, partly because they wanted to, partly because it was the cheapest option and partly because I have seen other people’s DPs in care homes lasting longer than anyone could feasibly imagine. But ultimately it was a simple choice between my mental and physical health or them going into a home. Gawd knows where I would be now if care homes didn’t exist or they couldn’t afford it, so unfortunately they are a necessary evil.

Yes best solution and before we get too old. If you choose wisely you may have more support from neighbors and staff than you would from kids anyway . Fingers crossed xx

He's now just a a cash cow☹️
The private equity companies can see that house prices are on the slide and they want to siphon off the equity before the bubble bursts.

It’s honestly shocking the amount of very expensive, high risk, invasive medical intervention that very elderly people receive, no wonder the NHS is on its knees and practically bankrupt.
FIL, late 80s was admitted to hospital with severe constipation. He was in so much pain it caused a mild heart attack which only showed up when he said he was having a bit of pain in his chest.
One doctor said he had to have a stent fitted but another doctor overruled him as FIL was deemed frail.
In the end he was given stronger statins which are much cheaper than the stent procedure I’d imagine!

That will be me sadly. Only child, no children of my own and no other relatives. I will end my days completely alone. Likewise, I hope to live in a retirement village where hopefully I will be supported.

You keep saying this but as someone who has LPA for an elderly uncle in a NH in Surrey, it hasn't been my experience at all. He went in as 'end-of-life' but has rallied considerably as they spooned him full of mush and pumped antibiotics into him. He has zero quality of life - he is bedbound and incontinent - but will probably survive for years, at the cost of £2k a week, which all goes to the private equity company that own the NH. He had a very complex artery replacement two years ago to save his life. It would have been better all round if he had passed away then. The last two years have been nothing but pain, misery and a loss of dignity for him.

Again, I can only say, if they're in that state, take then to a care home in Surrey. Often they will get two years tops, then they're out of there - whether they or their family like it or not.

Completely know what you mean OP.

MIL was in a nursing home, immobile, advanced Parkinson’s, dementia and osteoporosis. Yet they kept her alive for 4.5 miserable years. In any natural situation, she would have died long before - that’s what happens to animals when they are too old to eat, drink, move, communicate.

Dementia and Alzheimer’s are now the leading cause of death in the UK. Great job guys - we’ve stopped people dying of natural causes and now we’re keeping them alive long enough to die a horrible, drawn-out living death instead.

FIL for example. As a dedicated smoker, drinker and enthusiastic consumer of daily fried breakfast, he should have died of a heart attack years ago. But he had a quadruple bypass instead. And now at 80 he’s setting off down the same path as MIL , diagnosed with vascular dementia, frail, confused and lonely.

I’ve had discussions with my mum about future proofing where she lives( she refuses point blank to move to a bungalow) .
Her answer is to say she’ll drop dead before any of that is needed. Except she might not. But she will not have it.
Shes terrified of going into a home so at least some planning should be done for enabling her to remain at home, but no, not interested.
So now we wait for the inevitable crisis.

Ah I see . Not easy at all when you know he actually had the funds. I suppose no one believes they’ll need care one day.

Exactly this. It's so unfair and wrong that adult children are having to care for elderly relatives. (Many who are in their 50s and 60s, and many who have health issues themselves, children still living at home, and a job.)

I appreciate your positivity. Sadly things don't always work out tge way we plan. Like I said before I hope you can live out your life in the way you choose, but with a hope that it doesn't come at a great cost to those who love you.

Tbf my dad had a large inheritance plus a house in his 40s has never paid a mortgage has taken 2 lots of equity release, never helped out me or my sibling and had a very nice, financialy comfortable life he's just outlived his resources. its not sad that he can't afford care it's downright stupid. But your point stands residential care should be available to those that need it but sadly those that need it are living longer and longer and there's more of them than the system can accommodate.