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Elderly parents
Original poster

WWYD? Worried my elderly grandad may no longer be safe to drive

105 replies

HollieTalbut1997 · 27/04/2026 12:27

Hi, really grateful for any advice on this.
My Grandad is mid-80s and still driving. He is very forgetful, tired and slow. Probably early dementia but nothing diagnosed yet. He struggles to make decisions and react to things in general life so I am worried about him driving still - I haven’t seen him driving recently but based on how he is in general I can’t imagine he is safe in the car. I spoke to my auntie about this and she also feels the same as me - she has brought it up with my grandparents but my grandma shut the conversation down and said he is fine.

My Grandma is very much the ‘boss’ in the marriage and my grandad will do whatever she says, especially due to him struggling to make decisions himself now and has a huge reliance on her.

I have also spoken to my dad about my concerns (he is very much the golden child in my grandmas eyes, so I do think if he raised concerns she might listen). However my dad basically said he gets my points but doesn’t think it’s up to him to say anything and doesn’t want to remove their independence.

I think this is ridiculous as if my grandad hurt someone else I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself for not acting. My dad is very selfish and I think is ultimately worried about having to help them more. They do live in a town with access to buses etc so it’s not as if they would be isolated.

I’m now totally stuck as to what I should do next. My auntie is reluctant to raise it again after being shot down, and there is history there with my grandma of her making my aunt out to be the bad person so I understand her reluctance. What would you do?

My grandad also got caught speeding recently and is going on a speed awareness course this week. Is any of this likely to be picked up as part of that? I’ve never had to go on the course so not sure what it consists of.

OP posts:
Thistooshallpsss · 27/04/2026 12:51

I disagree. You haven’t seen him drive so you have no actual evidence. This is a matter for your grandparents or their children who may have a more accurate perspective.

curious79 · 27/04/2026 12:45

I have a friend whose father only gave up driving when others caught onto the fact that the mother wore her glasses so she could guide him through the streets whilst he drove.

Anonymous reporting to the DVLA. If anyone can find the link, can you put it on here? I need to report someone and I couldn’t find an easy way of doing it.

countrygirl99 · 27/04/2026 12:42

You can report anonymously to the DVLA and they will write to him. But unless he has a diagnosis that means he must stop driving it may not make any difference so be prepared. It might make him think seriously and give up or it might just send your Grandma on a rant about "busybodies sticking their nose in where it's not wanted" and convincing him to ignore it.
I reported FIL when I saw how slow his reactions were and how flustered he got at junctions but he ticked the box to say he was still fine driving. In the end he listened to the police when they wrote a letter of advice after he wrote his car off in an accident, but until he got that letter he was still insisting on replacing the car. Thankfully no one else was involved in the accident.

HappiestSleeping · 27/04/2026 12:39

My mum is like this. Unfortunately, with very few exceptions, all my friends who have been through this say that the individual concerned will never listen to them, and that some event happens that forces the issue. We just have to hope it is an event that isn't too serious.

If it is any consolation, what seems to be the most common occurrence is that the aged driver stops in an inappropriate place because they don't know where they're going, and someone hits them. At this point the aged driver can't cope with the situation, police get called, and licence gets taken away.

It's sad, but then, who amongst us wants to admit to our encroaching decrepitude?

twilightcafe · 27/04/2026 12:30

Report him anonymously to the DVLA

He could kill or maim someone