WWYD? Worried my elderly grandad may no longer be safe to drive

It's my grandad's biggest fear, the day he realises he needs to stop driving. He's mid 80s and currently fit and alert and still driving "old people" to the hospital as a volunteer! However, he recognises he finds driving in the dark difficult so hasn't done that in over 3 years and long journeys are no longer possible so those are avoided and if they are needed planned with an overnight stay. In recent years he has been using the bus a lot more to get used to being independent without a car. I think if I ever noticed a problem I'd be able to speak to him about it thankfully, but I'm semi confident he'd recognise it before I did, however hard it felt.

Report it anonymously.

I really wish there was a reflex test that drivers were made to do along with getting their eyes tested. It could be screen based so done at the opticians at the same time.
I was in a similar situation with DF about 6 months ago. I hadn’t actually seen him driving badly but the gardener told me he had reversed into his stationary van more than a few times. Why on earth he couldn’t report him himself I do not know- well actually I do - when it comes to elderly people every single thing seems to be the responsibility of their adult DC. In my case I did knowing that it would indeed cause even more work for me because somehow a £14 return journey taxi was more expensive than us driving an hour each way. Anyway events overtook us and I got the doctor to tell him not to drive when he was admitted with extreme confusion.

It’s easy to report and you don’t have to have the agreement of anybody- your DF, your DAunt, your DGPs to do it. In fact I would do it without telling anyone so they don’t need to know it was you.

I just filled in the form on the website . You can state you want to be anonymous. Say you don’t think the person concerned is fit to drive. I think they just have sent a letter to my mother asking her to retake her test or
something like that as she voluntarily gave up very soon afterwards. Her car was covered in dents and damage from multiple prangs.

This was in the news just two days ago: Driver, 95, spared jail after Stourbridge crash kills grandmother - BBC News

You can report anonymously to the DVLA here: https://contact.dvla.gov.uk/driver/capture-third-party-personal-information?locale=en

If there's no problem, he will pass and continue driving. But you will never fully forgive yourself if you did nothing and he injured/killed himself and/or others. Perhaps he may even wish to give up himself, but is being bullied into continuing by his wife? It needn't involve your dad in any additional hassle - an account can be set up with a local taxi firm that can be paid monthly as required, if that would help.

You sound like a lovely granddaughter who is trying to do the right thing in a difficult situation. He might not view it this way at the time, but he is lucky to have you. If it was me, I would have no hesitation in reporting it.

Best wishes to you. x

I think you have to accept that they are adults.
You can talk to them and suggest how they would manage when that time comes and help them see the potential avenues open to them to get around and avoid being isolated, but it is not your call to tell them to quit driving.

Nobody, regardless of age, responds well to being told what to do.

I’m so sorry for your loss @DemonsandMosquitoes💐

I also think you should report this.

The issue is that by the time someone shouldn’t be driving, they’ve often lost some of the necessary self awareness to know this themselves.

My mum and another woman were killed in a head on collision with an elderly man who supposedly lost concentration and drifted into oncoming traffic. My mum was 69. The other lady was a nurse in her 40’s.
Report him.

Report anonymously to DVLA. If he kills somebody you will regret not doing it.

This is difficult if they haven't got a diagnosis OP! You can let the DVLA know in confidence, but first I'd read this article. You can tell the DVLA in confidence and DVLA won't tell them who reported it - but probably they will guess as you discussed it with your family.

Also, don't think it will automatically be treated that seriously. Hear me out! FIL was recently reported to the DVLA for still driving (his family have been telling her not to drive and suggested selling his car and using taxis etc). However, when he was reported (we think by a local shop owner). DVLA asked him to go to the doctor and apparently he passed the assessment and no formal diagnosis was done. To us he seems very slow, has difficulty remembering where to go, unable to reverse that well (he sometimes gets someone in the supermarket to get his car out of a space for example) but he was judged fit to drive. But at least you'll have done your bit and it's not on you.

You admit you haven't seen him drive recently.

Why don't you do that first. before judging him? If you see a real problem, rather than speculating, you can report him to the DVLA.

I reported my father anonymously. He was sent a questionnaire to complete by a certain date. He didn't and so his licence was revoked. To get it back he'd need to sit a full theory test, have refresher lessons and the pass a driving assessment. He's too ill now but he would never have passed the tests! I did the right thing.

Report to the dvla

Please take action. I was hit head on by an elderly driver who had vision problems and should not have been on the road. Fortunately I walked away, but his car was totally destroyed and he suffered awful injuries. He was also prosecuted as he refused to accept that he should relinquish his license. He could have easily killed someone.

I had someone come into where I work the other day, she parked her car across 3 spaces to come in, could barely walk or see, and then caused absolute chaos going back out into the traffic. I took her number plate and reported her to 101, there was no way she should have been driving.

Someone needs to remove their keys. Call a family conference if needs be, but they could seriously hurt or kill themselves or an innocent member of the public.

We have the same situation with my PIL. None of the children, so your equivalent of dad and aunt want to step up, force the issue or put more effort in.
DD was given a particularly traumatic lift to the station, my kids are now not allowed to get in the car with them.
I also have thought about anonymously reporting them.
MIL is currently driving with one eye, the left one with very slow reactions. FIL is struggling to process speed and reactions. Neither can reverse.

I must say it's not your responsibility, they have been a long time on this planet and their choice to age without humility or problem solving is not your fault. I hope you have happier memories of them younger and at their best.
You are not responsible for their decision to drive.

It’s not your grandma’s decision. Is she driving?

Report him and don’t say a word to anyone.
A couple I know gave up their car but continued to budget for a car but used it as a taxi fund.

What state is the car in? My DMs car looked like a banger racer until she had a big enough crash to scare herself into giving up.
In retrospect I should have hidden her keys, reported her. And if that failed, puncture the tires.

I did this with my mother. She gave up her car shortly afterwards.