Brain tumour. Is mum close to the end what happens with her care now?

Thinking of you and your mum, @BeMintFatball.

There is a known phenomenon called terminal lucidity where people perk up significantly shortly before the end. I know it sounds awful to say but I hope for you and your mum's sake that's what it is. A family member has terminal glioblastoma and it's not pleasant.

I think in America, largely, they call this 'the surge'. I don't know why it happens but I saw it often in my nursing career. A patient will suddenly become lucid and ask for their watch, or want to eat, or have proper conversation, etc. Sadly, it can create a hope that is short-lived.

Hunger can rouse people when they are in fact dying. It’s counterintuitive and confusing to witness. My mum died peacefully not long after a similar scenario.

I have very often seen people that have been unconscious for days wake up, eat, drink, talk, to only then quickly become unconscious again. This tends to happen shortly before someone dies. It is like the person has a last burst of energy. It could be what is happening with your mum.

It also may be that your mum does have longer that you initially thought. These last weeks/days can be like being on a roller coaster, up, down and no control over any of it. I would try and focus on the fact that your mum seems really well looked after by the carers and she is comfortable.
Sending hugs to you, this is such a tough time x

God bless you xx

Bless you xxx and your dear mum.

Hopefully they will keep her comfortable and pain free. If she has stopped eating and drinking then it will be a matter of days. Take the time to sit with her and talk to her - hearing is the last sense to go. My mother died at home and in the last couple of days all the family and her closest friends visited and sat with her. Nurses usually know when the end is very close - the night nurse would say ‘not today’ but then on the last day she said ‘it will be sometime today’.
On The Pitt the main character had a lovely way to talk to the dying and what to say:
I love you
Thank you
I forgive you
Please forgive me

Lastly, When my son read my eulogy for my mother at her funeral, I realised I should have read it to her before she died.
I send my best wishes to you and your family.

I have asked for my previous post to be deleted as I hadn’t seen your update.

The decline is likely to be swift and peaceful, once the syringe driver is in place it is an indication that you are looking at days rather than weeks.

Say the things you want to say to her as soon as you can, she may be unsettled but midazolam is usually prescribed during palliative care to calm.

@BeMintFatball it's hard to see it now but with a brain tumour, a sharp decline is a blessing. Use this time to say all that you want to say. I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I hope the hospice has a bed.

I'm so sorry to read your posts @BeMintFatball. Sounds like you have all been through such a lot already and the hardest parts are yet to come. I hope your mum isn't in pain and you know you have been there to support her all the way. 💐

I'm so sorry to hear that @BeMintFatball . Watching others suffer when there's nothing you can do is torturous. I hope you can get as much sleep as you can manage as you must be totally exhausted. Keeping you and your family in my thoughts.

You sound like a very sensible and compassionate daughter. I hope your mother is comfortable at the end of her life.

So sorry to hear your update. Your head must be all over the place.

I would clarify things with the ward however. Most hospices only have very short stays, up to 2/3 weeks. It is very possible the doctors do not understand this. If prognosis is months your mum would not meet the criteria for a hospice stay. I would ask for the hospital palliative care team to get involved to go through all the options. Sending you strength.

My mum had a brain tumour at 70 (secondary cancer as she also had a tumour on her lung)
it was a case of treatment to prolong life which mum opted to do so she had chemo and radiotherapy to try to shrink it. A year later she collapsed at home and once in hospital began to decline and we were told the end was near. We were given tge option of at home care or a hospice. We chose the hospice and it was a lovely place. She actually improved a bit when she first got there which the staff said is normal due to the level of care in a hospice. The hospice was only for three weeks though at the end of week 2 they started discussing her coming home for a bit but then she declined rapidly and was no longer able to eat/ talk . She died 2 weeks later. I was so relieved it was at the hospice as they could not have been kinder to her and us. End of life cancer is brutal but they made it as easy as it could be.

@BeMintFatball I'm sorry to hear this. It sounds like hard news but at least you have clarity and I am glad you feel heard and the focus is on making your mum comfortable.

What emotional support do you have in real life? What practical support?

How old are your children?
You dont have to tell your daughter immediately if it would help you to get your head around it first. But remember that you have been living out all sorts of uncertainty and fear in your head, and you dont need to convey all of that to her. The message may be that their elderly granny is ill (which they now) and now has some further conditions which will hasten the end of her life, and she is going to a hospice where they can take care of her and keep her as comfortable as possible.

Good luck

My Mum had a diagnosis of brain tumour and decided not to have surgery or therapy. She demanded to have a meeting with the specialist to make her preference known. I was so proud of her. She lived without pain and fairly contentedly for several months and then faded away very quickly after a major seizure. Her care home place was free due to the tumour counting as a medical need (as opposed to 'just' having dementia or whatever). Good luck whatever happens.