Backstory: F violent abusive controlling, M covered. More relationship with M as feel was also abused but I resent her for covering for my F, as does my DS. (F&M as I can't do the DP and DM as there's little 'Dear' about them) My DS has not had children because of our upbringing. I've two children (21&23), lovely DH. I've kept the relationship at arms length for my protection and amazingly my children and DH have decent relationships with them. DH aware of past abuse.
Now parents elderly. I'm the local daughter. F now in and out of hospital, falls often - is deconditioning. I'm spending c. 20hrs per week taking mum to visit hospital. My business taking a back step for this. They have money. My sister and I have been asking them to find a taxi service and get basic care in to future proof themselves. F says he wants a carer but M refuses. M says she wants F to have a carer but F refuses. So when shit hits the fan they call me.
My problem is this: Today F raged at me and M today in hospital (we refused to put non slip socks on his feet as he fell out of bed yesterday and nurses gave him non slip socks) and I walked out. With all his recent tantrums this final explosion, in front of all hospital staff (and poor other patients!) all the childhood terror came back with avenge. I'm a wreck. I don't want to care for him. I spoke to my DS to get her advice and she was amazing but it made it all come back even more. I don't think I can pretend nice anymore. BUT F&M too old to have a conversation with now. So should I be the grown up (as I've been all along) and play nice or do I pull back totally to protect myself and then feel shit about only now acting on the feelings I've had since I was about 4 and then have to explain it to DCs at some point who til now think my parents are lovely?
Anyone else had this? What did you do?
Sorry for the long post. All advice so needed