I'm reading this forum increasingly frequently these days and hoping someone here might be in a similar situation. I've name changed for this post but been on MN for years.
I'm 60 and my DPs are mid 80s. We have a good relationship. They live pretty independently and are in reasonable health (they both take medication for a range of conditions but all seems under control). No signs of dementia as far as I can see but I do see many of the patterns of behaviour that I've read about in other posts on here (eg repeating stories over and over again, their world getting smaller and them both being less willing to try anything new etc).
Anyway, I live in the SE and they are in the north of England. I'm retired now and try to visit every 6 weeks or so for a few days. My issue is that I am starting to dread staying in their house. I know I should have stopped this years ago, however since my divorce many years ago, it was only me and sometimes DS who visited so they have always had the space to accommodate.
I find myself being totally drained by the time I leave them. For example, the constant noise from their television which they have on much of the day but only half watch because they are pottering about elsewhere. Also, the heat of the house is an issue as I'm still experiences hot flushes (thought they'd have gone by now!) and I know older people feel the cold more but it honestly makes me feel unwell.
There's a whole range of other issues that drive me mad, and I'm also conscious that I probably interrupt their routine too. I just think they would be offended if I said that I'm going to rent an airbnb from now on. If I did this, I feel I'd be able to get on with things in my own life too (eg I still do a little freelance work) whilst going back and forward to visit.
Has anyone else managed to make this change?