Cockroach cafe - Spring to Summer 2026

@GnomeDePlume I am getting there. Charity shop collection booked. Final sort through in the next few weeks. I won't go into 2027 carrying anything I didn't choose to.

Wishing you all the best with what comes next. It is so very hard.

@Lastknownaddress can you keep an example of her best work? As you say, this is her at her best. If the pieces are small enough you could make a display.

You dont have to keep them all.

I dont think I will be keeping anything of DM's. We werent close and had little in common. Anyway, her estate (if there's anything left) goes to her DGCs so it will be up to them. The reality of this may be a shock to DB, he will have no right to the pick of DM's posessions.

DM has pretty much slept through the hot weather. Semi woken to be fed or have personal attention. This has disturbed DB as she has been unresponsive even to him.

Ye gods this is a ghastly business. I wouldnt wish it on anyone. DM has no life, this is just existence.

While I can’t say I have zero regrets about things that were cleared and not kept, I do regret the amount I ‘saved’ more and wish I’d limited the space I gave over to it.

Oof. This hit hard @FiniteSagacity This is what I am struggling with. Still a few bits to go. Mainly stuff she made by hand. For all her difficulties she was an exceptional craftswoman. I can't keep everything. But the woodwork, ironwork, weaving and more were all elements of her at her best.

Hugs to everyone on here working through loss, anticipatory grief and difficult emotions.

Poor Mum is having a bit of a meltdown. My DB has had emergency eye surgery because of a detached retina. He went home today and Mum has been phoning me A LOT with instructions for how I need to help him. Mostly by picking her up and bringing her to his house. He's actually fine, he has friends who can help him and he can phone me anytime, but she is convinced that he will be lonely and needs company from breakfast to bedtime. I let him know her plan and his exact response was "Oh god no, I don't need any of that stress". 😆

So anyway, I will bring her to his house tomorrow and he can tell her himself that he doesn't need anything. He has already told her that by phone and text but she keeps forgetting. Perhaps an in-person reassurance will stick.

Like countrygirl’s mum, mine doesn’t feel the heat either. If you recall the record near 40°C heat from a few years ago, I was the one soaking my feet in a bucket of water with ice cubes, and mum was declining the fan as “it’s draughty”. She always had the heating on at tropical levels so it seems she was acclimated.

Getting her to keep hydrated though is a pain as she isn’t hot and doesn’t feel thirst. Her care home break out the lager shandies and wine spritzers on hot days though, crafty way of getting the residents fluids intake up!

@GnomeDePlume without doubt the best support came from DH, DCs (even though they are still quite young) and friends. Too much pressure to keep things combined with a complete lack of willingness to make the tough decisions themselves when it came to immediate family.

This stuff is hard and you learn a lot about yourself and others (not always pretty!).

@Lastknownaddress well done on getting close to the end point.

I suspect that when it comes to this point with DM that my DBs wont want to help much (if at all) especially DB2. I will probably enlist DDs to help as my own inclination would be to drop the lot in a skip, not looking too closely. There may be things they want to keep.

Jumping in with two feet as I tend to lurk, rather than post here. 18 months into the neverending saga of having to sort out Mum's life choices as she headed into a nursing home, I have finally taken her "antiques" for valuation. No great surprises, her treasure hoard is better off in a charity shop but at least I can lose the guilt of giving it away. It took a solid 18 months to clear her home (she was a hoarder) and now I feel I can at least say I have done as much as I can. Despite having an extremely tricky (very low to no contact with her at times) it has been exhausting and emotional in equal measure, and sorting through her belongings threw up so many horrendous memories, explained a number of things I have been repeatedly gaslit over, and caused arguments with wider family. Anyhow, barring dropping off the last few remaining boxes I am very nearly done. Not quite at "liberation" point yet, but so many belongings to carry and work through has been a heavy weight - even with house clearance involved. There was just so much stuff and so much hidden in random places...

Anyhow am working from home today and on my own, so just needed to share with people that get it.

Well we've had fun with ER (Elderly Relative). Carers sent us a picture of what appears to be the aftermath of a fire in the house. Thank god it seems to be a flare up that went out quickly, as the fire brigade have already warned us that the cottage would go up like a tinderbox. But she'd not called the fire brigade and she wouldn't tell us how it happened (though we have a pretty good idea).

Then ER did a runner, left a note on her door saying she'd gone away and would be back later. Again thankfully she was found, but after an hour in the sun this weekend. And rather than calling an ambulance, the person who found her just took her home. I managed to organise an emergency welfare visit from her carer (which I'll be invoiced for, but hey ho), who was able to get her settled, check her hydration, etc. But starting to feel like we're rolling towards the next crisis, almost exactly a year after the last one.....

@GnomeDePlume my mum doesn't notice heat either. Shell have the thermostat set to 28/29 and still wear a thick cardigan and have a blanket over her legs. Meanwhile I'm sweating in a t-shirt and light trousers.

I know that feeling of not being able to focus on getting on holiday @GnomeDePlume. It’s a complete surprise to me that we have made it here. I hope you get to go, you deserve a lovely break.

DM's CH has been terribly hot this week but DM herself doesnt seem to be physically reacting to it, not at all sweaty. Not sure if this is just an old age thing.

3 weeks to go until our holiday. I have booked channel crossing and en route hotels (driving down to south of France) so that they can be cancelled if need be.

This will be our first holiday since everything started with DM. DH is getting excited but I cant focus.

DB did speak to the nurse. DM is not yet at the stage of needing Midazolam but they are going speak to the GP about getting mum some sort of mild sedation.

DM is getting less and less aware of her surroundings.

You do need to be firm about this.
I'm sure you will be. Your brother is an idiot.

Sorry to hear your news @Choux.

@Choux so sorry to hear this @GnomeDePlume i hope you get the medication plan under way

Sorry for your loss @Choux , I hope that it being peaceful is a crumb of comfort for you and your DB.

Condolences Choux.

@GnomeDePlume sometimes managing family just adds to the tasks. I hope the medication helps your mum be more peaceful.

Visited DM yesterday. She has declined further in the week. She didnt even acknowledge DB when he arrived. Basically semi awake or fitful sleep and in constant quiet distress.

I spoke with DB and said quite firmly that DM now needs some sort of medication to ease this distress and he did not disagree. He has said he will speak with the nurse, I know he doesnt want to so I will volunteer to phone her later today. This way he just has to agree with me rather than take the initiative.

@Choux wishing you peace now and strength for the next days.

Condolences @Choux , sorry for your loss.

Condolences @Choux