Cockroach cafe - Spring to Summer 2026

Oof. Mil out of hospital less than a week and she fell again last night, or rather slipped out of the chair she uses instead of the bed and landed on the floor at 2:30am. Sat on the floor without using her fall alarm or mobile, until she texted DH at ten to 6 to ask him to come around and pick her up. We’re not sleeping well (at least I’m not), waking up at all hours wondering if she’s ok or not. Aaargh.

Hi everyone, it's me, staggering in from a lengthy crisis. Which way is up? Where is the whiskey? Okay no, don't let me drink. I'm going out for a run try to melt the chocolate off my hips.
Hugs to you all.

In fairness it's actually very hard to imagine a realistic depiction being watchable. There are several films and tv dramas about caring for a dementia patient, and dozens of books, but none of them actually plumb the "Trainspotting" depths.

100% agree. The Dementia Nurse commented to my Mum how swept up she was in arranging everything. This is in no small part due to Mumsnet. Even little things like the "Entitled To" website and the WhatsApp ask silver thing - we wouldn't have known about them were it not for MN. So I am very grateful for that. And also for somewhere to vent

@LynnThese4reSEXPEOPLE 💐it is frightening how quickly things can progress. You are always being wrong footed. Always solving yesterday's problems.

I have found this forum an enormous source of strength and support. So many of us are going through this in different ways.

Sorry for your loss @StillNiceCardigan.

Condolences @StillNiceCardigan.

Hi everyone, thanks as always for the online support. We've moved on again (stepdad has Lewy Body Disease), or should that be "down" as each new thing is a step down rather than a step forward. After the 7th fall, we went off to Falls Clinic which confirmed Parkinsonism (often comorbid with LB dementia). So we got a 4 wheeled walker and a stick and I have now air tagged both of them as he doesn't reliably carry his phone. We got a Falls Alarm from Age UK. They are so nice, such lovely people, and we're really helpful in setting it up.

Since then, in the last month we've had issues with continence. I bought one of those Hygge sheets which my mum says is very good. He is struggling to process things like menus and keeps messing up his phone. I did try to get him a very simple smart phone last year, but no dice.

I feel like everything is moving so quickly - we are less than a year from diagnosis and already things have deteriorated so much. It is a very cruel disease.

@StillNiceCardigan gentle thoughts for your loss. Those memories will be a comfort to you.
@GnomeDePlume this is being a long painful goodbye for you. Thinking of you.
@NDornotND am glad the send off was peaceful, and hope your DF will be ok.

@GnomeDePlumeI’m so sorry about your mum… it’s horrible to see someone you love in distress like that, and the helpless feeling is difficult to deal with. Family dynamics on top giving another layer of grief and complexity! Thinking of you

The months/weeks/days thing is interesting. Being AuDHD I find the sheer unpredictability of everything going on incredibly stressful right now, I mean chest pains level of stressful. Maybe I can think on her condition to infer some kind of possibility of a timescale?? Feels horrible even writing that, but I need to stay sane enough to support DH, my teens as well as mil.

@NDornotNDI’m glad the send off went well.

@StillNiceCardigan Condolences on the loss of your FIL, sounds like he was a blessing in your life.

@GnomeDePlume Really sorry to hear what your mum is going through. It reminds me of how things were for my mum. It was so difficult to her in distress and not be able to alleviate it.

DM's funeral was yesterday. I think we gave her a good send off and it was nice to catch up with the wider family. Now feeling apprehensive of what's to come with DF (90). DB has been staying with him since mum's death, but plans to go home (a 3.5h drive away) at the weekend, which will leave DF living alone with carers twice a day, and me 10 min up the road to sort out shopping/appointments/admin/emergencies etc. He is increasingly doddery and I don't know if it's going to be feasible. We'll just have to see how it goes. DB has done more than his fair share, but I think DF is hoping he's just going home for a break and will come back, but that's not the plan...

@StillNiceCardigan Condolences. It's good to hear that the happy memories are bringing you some comfort.
@Choux I hadn't heard the months/weeks/days thing before but with the benefit of hindsight that rings true for my DF. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) we didn't realise at the time as he had been living with a chronic condition for years and fully recovered from bouts of similar illness before. Looking back, the last time was very different and if we'd known there were many signs that he was coming to the end. The end was actually mercifully quick, but I fear that with Mum we'll face a slower and more distressing situation.

@StillNiceCardigan condolences.

And thinking of you @GnomeDePlume .

@Choux the months, weeks, days thing makes sense to me. I have been seeing a week by week decline in DM for some time now. DB sees her daily, for a while too close to see her decline but I think he sees it now.

We are due to go on holiday in just over a week's time. I have warned DH that it is highly likely we wont be going.

@Choux looking back that fits both ILs and my dad. MIL and dad both handling slow declines and w/3 months on end of life. FIL had a more rapid decline and it was 3 days. Acquaintances mum is a long slow decline so sadly I think she'll be on edge for a while.

@countrygirl99 something I read - possibly here - which might make a good rule of thumb for your acquaintance is ‘if you can see a decline each month, they possibly have months left, if you can see a decline each week, they possibly have weeks left, if you can see a decline each day, they possibly have days left’.

Looking back that seems to ring true for my mum although I didn’t read it till after her death. In her case, although I could see her decline accelerating, I had nothing to gauge what it meant. So the first mention of getting the anticipatory end of life drugs - they definitely used the word anticipatory with me so I took that to mean it would be soon but not imminent - was on Weds night. By Fri afternoon they had decided to start using them and she was gone 24 hours later and it was a bit of a shock how quickly the end came for her.

@StillNiceCardigan condolences but I k for one person. now what you mean about remembering the better times.
@GnomeDePlume I referred to your ordeal the other day. An acquaintance was told her mum is now on end of life care and she thought that meant the end was inevitably only a few days if not hours away. I told her for two of our late parents it was a couple of months and that on a forumI go on it had been several for one person. From what she told me it didn't sound imminent and she wasn't prepared for a longer wait.

@StillNiceCardigan condolences. Wishing you strength for the days ahead.

Condolences and I'm glad that there is now a release to memories of happier times.

@StillNiceCardigan Im sorry for your loss. 💐

@GnomeDePlume yes it’s hard when the elderly person can’t say what hurts or what kind of pain it is and everyone is guessing. And I don’t know what care home policies are re treating unidentified or just suspected pain.

If the next planned step is morphine that suggests the end is close. I hope it’s as peaceful as it can be for all of you.

Sorry for your loss @StillNiceCardigan. It’s good you can already start to remember the good times with him instead of his recent deterioration. 💐

Bless him, and you… it’s good that you can hold that memory. He sounds lovely.