Cockroach cafe - Spring to Summer 2026

I've had to do the same with texts, I no longer have my phone on Do Not Disturb overnight as I missed a call from a paramedic the care home had to get out for Dad in the middle of the night and I had already muted texts because of Mum but have now had to switch off all notifications because every time I picked up the phone the little red badge notification was making my blood pressure shoot up. Now I just check it a few times a day. Everyone else uses whatsapp so I am not missing anything.

In other news I have worked out how to turn off notifications for text messages on my phone. I still receive them and can check them whenever I want. I just don't know if any have arrived unless I go and look.
A suspicious silence today from ER. Possibly because in the last few days I ignore any unimportant wibbling and just ask about aspects of the meal plan or how many times she has gone for a little walk 😈

Happy Birthday @countrygirl99 I am glad you got to enjoy the sunshine and have a nice meal even if the rest of the day was a bit mixed.

There is a sadness that goes with the realisation of that milestone isn't there @funnelfan, my DF didn't remember my birthday either recently for the first time. He doesn't really know what day it is now despite getting his newspaper delivered. He doesn't seem to read them anymore.

Oh no @BestIsWest, these things happen. I hope you and your Mum are healing okay, it must have been a shock.

Most likely she just didn't have a clue what day it was as she'd put it in her calendar weeks ago.

Hi folks
Still plodding on here...
Mum is now 38kgs - but insisting she's eating 🤷‍♀️
I saw her emergency falls bracelet on her table, not on her wrist (I didn't comment)
She seems happy. I'm a lot happier.
I haven't heard from the opg about the poa which is concerning me.
Off to deal with the other side today - helping pils sort aunts house. Another totally avoidable disaster waiting to happen 🤷‍♀️

Happy birthday for yesterday. It’s a horrible milestone when your mother forgets it’s your birthday. Of all the people in the world, she’s going to be the one to remember given her role in the origin of the date. For me it really was an indicator that Mum-as-I-knew-her was gone.

Could it be that your mum just forgot what the date was?

Happy belated birthday @countrygirl99. Best wishes to your horse too. Seeing four legged family getting elderly is tough too. My beloved no 1 dog is looking a bit stiff at the moment (he’s nearly 11).

I am having a weekend off DM as DB is back from his holiday and last week was a bit tough. I had the most ridiculous accident in DM’s.

I tripped carrying a tray of curry into her for her tea, knocked her walking frame, a side table and two cups of coffee all over the place, DM has has a nasty cut on her leg and I have a sore knee. I’ve had to shampoo her carpet to get the curry out, go to the pharmacy to get a dressing for her leg and wash all her clothes, cushions and bedding as there was coffee, curry and blood everywhere!

The following day I was stiff as a board and had to miss my regular garden volunteering which gutted me. But the worst thing apart from the guilt at injuring poor DM was that I felt so totally alone. DH is suffering with some form of arthritis in his hands and couldn’t drive up to help me, DB and SIL were on holiday, DCs 60 miles away. I just sat in the car and cried.

@countrygirl99 I can’t give any helpful advice on elderly horses - not that my elderly parents advice is any good either- but at least it can’t talk back!

Day has been mixed. Spent this morning checking/cleaning dormouse nesting boxes ready for the spring in lovely sunshine., had a lovely meal out with DH this afternoon but horse is poorly and it's getting concerning. Having an elderly horse is as worrying as an elderly parent sometimes.

Happy Birthday @countrygirl99. I hope you have had a nice day . I am sorry your DM didn’t remember.

It's the first time my mum hasn't phoned to wish me happy birthday. I know it's on her calendar.

My lovely DM is getting confused about where I am. According to my DF she sometimes now thinks I am in her parents’ home (the house was sold long ago and both of her parents are long dead). It has made me rather sad and I just wanted to mention it to someone. She’s a beautiful soul and I love her so much. I found a photo of her aged around 30 the other day and can’t reconcile the image with where she is now.

@Mumbles12 I don’t listen to the Archers anymore but good to know it’s getting an airing as a topic. There was quite a realistic portrayal on that recent series Riot Girls ( or called something like that). At the time I thought it was overkill that two of the main characters had parents with dementia, but actually now looking at one group of friends, out of the five of us three have DPs with very serious health issues requiring lots of help, one with an elderly aunt and our other friend is looking on with horror and keeping her fingers crossed that it doesn’t become her turn - but it more than likely will.

DF is settling well into the care home - DH visited this afternoon and they enjoyed a cheese platter with wine ! Unfortunately DM has really deteriorated mentally, I had hoped she would perk up with new people to talk to but sadly she is beyond that.

Does anyone listen to The Archers? There's a storyline at the moment about elderly and frail Carol Tregoran who has sacked her cleaner and is refusing to allow her daughter to support her in getting other help in. It resonated with me after last year with FIL... I suspect the writer also has lived experience 🙄

@CrazyGoatLady getting pushed with friends or eating too much cake is what people actually do.

I got a text at a quarter to bloody eight this morning, which made no sense at all but that's speech to text for you. Clearly she's alive and texting though so ... Super, I guess.

I don't even bother with the 'wellbeing' sessions as the only time I would get to do them at work would be on my day off, so no chance then!

@CrazyGoatLady glad you had a good time. Hopefully the reality will begin to dawn now that your DF can't help and you are not there to ride to the rescue.

This week I have been to a forest bathing session, I was all rested and chilled out. So I decided to end the week going to see a loud alt rock band with my daughters to blow out my ear drums.

We were late to the start of the band's set because DF's carer called because he refused to eat dinner, so DH went up there to check on him. He was fine and just didn't want to eat. He had to put himself to bed last night as DH was with DS who refused to leave the house and we were not home yet.

DH is also quite unwell, it was just a cold, but now he is feverish and he always gets a little delirious with a fever. He kept telling me this morning that I could open the window if I wanted. I can't reach the top window, so then he said that the horses heads at the top of the curtains could help me. I bet DF has the same thing brewing, at least I got to have some fun while it lasted.

When I worked we had a carer run support group. That was really effective but the was zero HR input, it was set up by a colleague who was a carer and recognised the group but our employer did also have a more formal carer network who made representations about policy etc and supported people whose managers were not understanding. Some of the online support stuff was 😂 though.

That sounds like a very sensible wellbeing activity @CrazyGoatLady! And far better than any of the suggestions from the wellbeing workshops I’ve been on.

If anyone deserves a full on night out, it’s you @CrazyGoatLady ! Making time to see friends is I think encouraged as a “good thing”.

@EmotionalBlackmail those sessions are often such trite rubbish. When I started my role as head of an L&D dept, I scrapped all those things, because they don't take account of all the internal and external barriers people may have to looking after their own needs. I know for me a lot of why I do so much for family to my own detriment is to do with conditions of worth - I am not valued unless I'm useful, helpful, productive.

DGM's discharge is done and she's home. I took some dependent leave to get it sorted. Didn't stop for 2 days. She's terribly frail and very tired. The penny may drop now I've gone and DF isn't due there until next week that she actually does need these extra carer visits.

Last night met up with friends on my way home and got pished. Will be wending my way back home this morning after a large coffee and a fry up at the hotel! Not what they tell you to do on wellbeing courses, but it did me some good to have a laugh and not think about care plans, referrals, mobility aids, fall alarms, etc.

Spot on there!

I liked the way the person with the active social life (presumably entirely their choice rather than having to drive their children and/or elderly parents to their active social lives) was congratulated for keeping a weekend day to themselves.

I can’t remember the last time I had a weekend day to myself. Maybe about ten years ago?

Let me guess @EmotionalBlackmail, the facilitator suggested 'a nice relaxing hot bath', 'deep breathing exercises' or 'a good night's sleep'? Or perhaps 'switching your phone off for a few hours'?

I need a drink. I joined a wellbeing event at work this morning, aimed at those suffering from stress and feeling overwhelmed.

It was not useful. A lot of trite advice about managing your time and taking time for you. Somebody mentioned their very active social life and how they try and keep a weekend day free so they don’t get overwhelmed.

Then somebody else mentioned feeling overwhelmed by having to care for children and elderly parents simultaneously. And the person facilitating the session was so dismissive and said this is because of women now being in the workplace and it only lasts a short time anyway! At that point somebody else responded she’d been caring for a disabled child for 15 years and now had frail parents in addition. Facilitator had no helpful suggestions for that one!

.............but TBH if anyone can deal with multiple emails from a slightly confused old lady, it's a supplier of mobility aids to the elderly. I'm just going to let that all play out for now.

I have to say that this made me laugh immoderately.

The trouble is, the interim period of frailty is miserable stuff like pressure sores and leg ulcers, and maybe good nutrition can help with that.
It's all rather shit really.

My ER has emailed a supplier to query bills. We did actually email them two days ago. I don't know whether she's forgotten, but TBH if anyone can deal with multiple emails from a slightly confused old lady, it's a supplier of mobility aids to the elderly. I'm just going to let that all play out for now.

I also wonder whether she's blithely "forgetting" all about the meal plan we created and shopped for, but if she'd rather complain about her leg than try things to help heal it, her choice I guess.

I miss my Mum. Sometimes she didn't make healthy choices, but by gum she owned them, and she scraped every ounce of living out of the life she had. Her last weekend out of hospital - at some event at a hotel, towing her portable oxygen machine around with her. You never had to persuade her to try to enjoy herself!