Just saying hi (different user name; have commented before on old threads with a different username) and to have a whinge.
Most 'special' occasions, I've made a thing of getting MIL and my DM/DF over for a meal. It's usually something like 11am till 4.30pm...try and get DC to stay too. The last times we did this was Xmas and Mothers Day.
Unlike previous years, DH and I, for Easter this year kind of decided we weren't going to do anything. The DC were off doing their own thing so we didn't plan a big lunch or anything...we did pop in and see my parents and helped DF with stuff he wanted doing in the garden so spent around 3 hours with them.
I popped in yesterday after work for a bit and the first thing DM said to me was 'I was disappointed not to have seen you over the bank holiday'...said with a sad smile and puppy dog eyes. She has a shocking memory (think dementia but she won't have tests) so it's likely she forgot she saw me but when I said 'but mum, we came on saturday and stayed for a while' she just scrunched her nose up at me and turned away briefly before pretending that she hadn't said anything. Now I know my DM, that nose scrunch and head turn was done because she was put out that she hadn't had an invite over the Easter period.
DF shook his head and rolled his eyes at me whilst I just said 'it's just never enough for you mum is it. Whatever I do is never enough'.
When I left she said 'it would be nice to see the kids...we don't see them much now...they can't be bothered with their boring grandparents anymore...' said with a tinkly laugh. I don't know how I stayed civil. Why would you make a comment like that?!! She's so used to reverting to emotional blackmail to get her own way and it's infuriating but because she has dementia, I have to just forget about it. (I did say to her though that 'you saw DS on saturday. and my kids have a life of their own mum. they'll come and see you when they want to; I'm not forcing them to'. I cried all the way home.
for the last 4.5 years, because of her medical incident (now bed/wheelchair/sofa bound and doubly incontinent) I have done ALL their life admin...sorted her coming out of hospital/care home...dealt with social services over the years, sorted her benefits, sorted her prescriptions, medical appointments, nappies, hoists, wheelchair, hearing aids, blue badge...you think of it, I've done/organised it. At the beginning I saw them 3 or 4 x week and now I've reduced to 2 x week and I'm fucking tired of it. Tired of trying to hold it together with work, my own health issues, menopause, kids with their mental health issues and Uni/work issue and whatever I do for her is never enough. It never has been.
The guilt I had in not arranging anything over easter high but I just ignored it and got on with what DH and I wanted to do and after her comment yesterday the guilt just vanished entirely. That realisation that no matter what I do will always be lacking because all she wants is for me to be glued to her so I can entertain all her waking moments because she's so fucking selfish and it's all about her.
There's no point saying anything to her because she won't remember she said anything (although I do have suspicions that she might remember certain stuff...) so I'm screaming into an abyss...Sorry that was so long but it's just scratching the surface. Similar to a lot of you so I don't feel so alone...