Memory decline but refusing to visit GP

she had a psychotic episode and was prescribed antipsychotics. She’s better now but very paranoid, keeps accusing me of stealing from her and believes the most absurd things are happening around her.

Yeah, this goes way beyond memory issues. Thinking people are stealing from you, especially close relations, is a classic symptom. Is she on Lamotrigine now, for the behavioural dementia pysochis?

In my experience of people with your mother's type of dementia, no, there will never be any self-knowledge, or acknowledgement that there is a problem.

Do you have a Health & Welfare POA? Aside from the Financial one. That may be useful in the future.

You need to get her a diagnosis of dementia. For that is what she has. And then you can see how to help her.

I took mine to the Dr's under the guise of a 'check up' and the Dr asked her some questions to determine if she had memory issues. She then refused to go to the memory clinic but at least it was on record that the Dr had seen her. She then kept falling at home so she is in care home now and has lost capacity. She went downhill very fast.

Very similar situation here. The issue is my mother who has severe memory problems but has refused a referral to tge memory clinic. My father is still alive but he enables her and won’t highlight issues to professionals that would help them both. She has been diagnosed with alcoholic dementia but because she refuses to give up drinking they can’t do anything. She has also refused a referral to the memory clinic despite having scored extremely poorly on the memory screening test. She is extremely nasty and aggressive to my elderly father but he enables her.

They still say as she has capacity then she is able to refuse all assistance but as there is a major issue regarding medication, both hers and my father’s (not taking what they should or taking too much) I think it’s a safeguarding issue but no one else seems to agree. We have managed, with tge agreement of my father, to get a carer to come in for an hour three times a week which in reality is just a pair of eyes to make sure everything is ok.

Unfortunately I think tge only way forward will be some major crisis that neither of them can paper over. At the moment we’re just stuck. POA doesn’t kick in until they are deemed to no longer have capacity but it does mean medical professionals should let you know what’s going on.

She literally says she has in her post!

Similar here but without the paranoia, she can't remember things you told her 10 mins ago, or yesterday and is a constant tizz about paperwork, cannot understand fairly simple (to me) things like how you can now get your gas and electricity from one company and don't have to get it from BG and the old electricity company. But she sails through the memory screening at the GP every time because she knows who the prime minister is and what day of the week it is or whatever. She can still do all the practical self care stuff of shopping, cooking, cleaning, washing, dressing so doesn't want carers, it's just the short term memory. It is HARD work. It's a similar fell of a cliff thing from DF going into a care home (that was sudden following a fall). Sympathy.

If she still has capacity, a PoA is of limited use.

Break things down:
A) Finances - go through these with her, simplify everything you can, and see if she will allow you to set up a separate account that has a weekly "walking around money" amount. If you put thecrest online with a password she will only remember it if shes well enoigh to deal with finances. That also protects her from scams etc. You do the bills etc online.
Finances are a nightmare with cognitive decline - DF paid off his credit card bill several times over because he forgot how debits & credits work., every month.AAnd so vulnerable to paying ridiculous amounts for things.
B) you do the online food shop for her. It gives you something concrete to discuss with her, so if her abilities fail more quickly its easier to see.
C) weekly "cleaner"/ carer (more often if you can).

Please tell me you have POA?

I don’t know why haven’t got a framework to tackle this kind of issue where a person is in denial and becoming a danger to themselves.

I agree you have to simply go ahead to try get them the help they need. It is easier when there is someone nearby who can take the person to appointments, let carers in etc.

But the OP lives abroad, so she has limited options. She can make appointments or hire cleaners, but she is not there on a regular basis. I did not live near my mother (and was the only living relative) but I was lucky that she was fairly compliant. Whereas my grandmother who also had dementia would regularly tell the carers to go away and refuse to let them in. It's definitely worth trying the carer/cleaner angle and hoping she accepts it, but if she doesn't you're a bit stuck.

My dad is the same. He cannot and will not accept help. You need to force the issue yourself or wait till there is a crisis. You need to do what's best for her not what she wants. I agree with the poster above. Start with a 'cleaner' or someone else to start checking in on her. If you have pow start using it. Don't wait for her to ask or admit she needs help. We got the gp to call my dad and 'invite ' him to appointments to get him referred to the memory clinic.

My mum then just took him to appointments told him scans were for something else. You can't see this as lying it's doing what's best for them. It's always better to have a diagnosis. Its really sad an infuriating at the same time. I don't think enough is done to encourage older people to face up to it. Noted people with dementia often can't but the advice given to carers is pretty useless. It's basically there's nothing you can do. No one wants to say this but you lie compassionately to do what's best for them.

My DM has a ‘cleaner’ who does a welfare check. Start slowly, once a week and then build up.

There isn't very much you can do.

And even if she is diagnosed, the diagnosis won't change anything, except you have a definite name for it.

If you have health POA you can only step in when she's lost capacity. If you don't have health POA, social services will step in at that point. It will probably be triggered - as you say - when there is a crisis like a fall or other hospital admission.

I arranged a daily carer for my mother (I didn't use the word carer) without her 'permission'. I just told her a nice lady was coming to help her, and she accepted it (and fortunately really liked the carer). You have POA with access to her bank accounts so you could do that, the risk is that she would turn them away but it could be worth a try. People with dementia tend to have a reflex action to refuse help, but when it actually turns up they may accept it. I used Home Instead, they were brilliant.