Where to scatter ashes

It was many years before DPs’ ashes were scattered - they died many years apart. One sibling could not agree to anywhere I suggested, and didn’t make any practical suggestions, either.

So in the end I made a decision, and invited the sibling to join me and another for the occasion. It was in a woodland area that’s part of a Royal Park, so 🤞never likely to be built on. It probably wasn’t legal, but TBH I was past caring - nobody could suggest anywhere better, and they’d both been sitting on a shelf for quite long enough.

My dad died at the end of September, my oldest brother decided he wanted to keep them until such time my mum dies (she's in a home with advanced dementia so not appropriate for her to keep them, she doesn't remember he's died) Do remember that the crematorium releases them to you in a cardboard box so it's wise to have some kind of urn or casket in mind if you're keeping them

I was in a meeting today arranging a funeral plan for a couple who are friends of ours. The funeral home will hold on to the ashes of the first of them to pass, and when their spouse dies, they will mix the ashes after cremation so that they can be scattered together.

The funeral director did say that you 'should' only scatter ashes on land that you own, or have permission from the land owner. We'll keep quiet on their request! 😁

The crematorium had various options, we chose the crocus lawn. I saw someone scattering ashes on the Abbey Road zebra crossing once, dodging the impatient vans and buses

If it helps I’m an only child & I live over 200 miles from my home town in Wales. My parents were born & bred there. My mother died in Dec 2023 & my Dad in April last year. The undertaker kept Mum’s ashes for me & when Dad died they put them in 2 separate scatter tubes & we (DH & DS & me) scattered them around the area in locations significant to them.

We have DMIL ashes in a beautiful container by the side of the fireplace. Doesn't look morbid at all. There is also a photo of DMIL. If you were visiting you wouldn't necessarily make the connection. We don't see a need to part with them for the immediate future

The only advice I can give here is to make sure all people who were close to your dad are consulted.

I organised my dad's recent funeral pretty much on my own, as my mom and brother didn't really want to be consulted and were dealing with other things. Because I don't have strong feelings about the actual remains - just a personal feeling, my memories of dad are in my head and his physical location now doesn't make a huge difference to me personally - I agreed for them to be scattered in the scattering garden at the lovely crematorium we used, as it seemed the simplest thing. (It's basically the default option if you don't want to collect the ashes yourself and don't have any other strong feelings about it).

However, my brother has now said he would like us to be able to go and visit my dad's last resting place annually as a family.

Luckily, the crematorium is lovely, and somewhere we can all access fairly easily. But I wasn't factoring this into the decision, I will be honest.

There is no rush. Take your time. There may ever be someone who has had a discussion about this with your dad and knows where he would prefer to be. (I am going to make sure I discuss this with all loved ones going forwards, before, like my dad, they become too unwell to understand the question).

Sorry for your loss, hope you are ok. Xxx

This (about the choose a still day). I scattered some of my Dad's ashes off the top of a mountain in Scotland (he was a huge fan of walking and mountains). There was a great gust of wind as I scattered them and everything was blown all over the place. I thought he was manifesting for a moment!

I'd choose somewhere beautiful that he loved. I've asked to have my ashes (when I go) combined with the ashes of my dogs and then scattered in all the places we liked to walk. But I'm leaving it up to my kids to decide (and I wouldn't put it past them to tarmac a drive with me).

Keep them for now. I had some jewellery made with a little of mums ashes but have kept the rest for now

It's still very soon to make any decisions. Maybe, when the time is right sometime after the funeral and everything doesn't feel so raw, you can have a chat with your mum about her wishes when her time comes. My parents in law have said they would like their ashes kept, to be mixed and scattered together at the same time.

So sorry for.your loss.

But tell her no. When I went to collect my mum's ashes, the funeral director was great with me. He sat and spoke to me for a while and asked me what plans.I had for the ashes if anything. Hadn't thought about it. He said to not make any sudden decisions and to keep them for at least six months.

If you make a hasty decision, you can regret it. He said that he's seen people turn up to collect ashes with the scatter tubes already with them.And they're going to do it immediately. He said, it's never a good idea to do it in haste.

And one sense has a right to say what happens to her husband's remains, but if she wants them scattered, she should be the one to do it. He's also your dad. Don't feel comfortable doing that, don't do it immediately.Just keep them for a few months.

Funeral directors are expected to store ashes for you up to five years until you decide what to do with them so there’s no hurry.

Also bear in mind that ashes are heavy and there are a lot of them so you may want to plant a tree or something with most of them and scatter a symbolic amount.

And I’m so sorry for your loss

My DM died almost a year ago. After a chat, DF, DS and I thought it best for DF to keep Mum's ashes, then my sister and I will decide what to do with the pair of them, in due course. My cousin left his parents' ashes at the crematorium until he'd decided.

My family aren't sentimental about ashes - not a single relative who's died in my lifetime has a grave, and generally ashes have been strewn at the crem.

My aunt and uncle requested quite unusual ashes wishes - one is in a hedgerow, the other in the sea, but both places close to their hearts, but with no requirement to visit for us. My mum has a sprinkling in a special place to our family but only a teaspoon-worth, the rest went back to the crem. I do know where she is, but have only visited once as I was passing and decided to pop in.

I'm not a big believer in the reverence of ashes, I think it's a bit peculiar to have human remains stored in a wardrobe or mantle piece for years yes exh, the weird shrine you have in your lounge with your parent's ashes on is very strange indeed

It’s difficult decision to make, my dad died many years before my mum, she wanted his ashes scattered in the garden of remembrance at the cemetery/ crematorium, when she died, as a family, we decided to scatter hers in the same place, but if I’d been the only child, I’d have preferred they both went somewhere that meant something to both them and me rather than somewhere many peoples ashes are scattered . Perhaps OP s mum could keep them for now, or OP could keep them until they decide , don’t rush it

As far as I know, there's no rush to even collect the ashes from the undertakers. I know in the case of my aunt they kept them for over a year while my uncle decided what he wanted to do. I'm sure they can reassure you there's plenty of time.

Sorry for your loss. I kepy my mums ashes in a cupboard for a long time then i scattered her with her parents.

A favourite place or holiday area? We have a long family story about Mum, not here, but we will be cremated too, then with the ashes from our pets, and Dad would like to be sprinkled at Clarach Bay, Borth.

We scattered my mums in the hills near where she spent her last years which is near my sister. It’s a nice place rather than particularly special to her. My dad was buried years ago at the other end of the country. We’d talked about taking mum’s ashes back there but it’s not a place any of us have any ties too. But you don’t have to do it now, you can let things settle for you a bit first. I’m sorry, it must be hard.

We scattered my dad's ashes on a high point with a view of the countryside he loved to walk with my mum. It was 30 years ago. My mum and I go up there every now and then. It's not far from the carpark so fortunately she can still just about walk there. We look at the view and share a tear, have a hug and then a cup of tea and some chips at the nearby cafe.

My mum told me some while later she kept back some of him and they are scattered in the garden of their home of 50 years. She sits and talks to him sometimes.

The weather is a tricky one. If there is any wind definitely stand upwind. But ashes are surprisingly heavy and without a strong breeze or determined distribution they can form a distinct pile which can be unnerving. I can see why people scatter them in water.

Rivers and the sea do the job for you. And I had a friend who asked for his to be carried in a little cardboard boat set alight Viking style and launched on a lake he loved.

There's no rush.

We scattered my Dad in the county he was born in, his total time living there might have added up to two or three years as he had the strangely institutionalised life that was ‘normal for men like him, but he nonetheless felt very deeply rooted there and supported their cricket team. I feel zero need to ‘visit’ him there but am nonetheless happy to think of him there at the happiest time of his life which was probably his late teens. He died just before Covid so it took a while to get it done and that was ok - there is no rush.

Totally agree with taking your time, and when you really feel ready to scatter the ashes choose a quiet time so your not rushed.

We scattered my MILs ashes on a beach where we live, we are overseas and she always wanted to come and visit but did not get the chance and she loved the sea and the beach. So to us she's always there on holiday probably still moaning about the weather, but we always go to the same spot to say hello, it's a little bit of comfort.

My DM has buried a small part of the ashes of both her DP, DH and DB in potted plants that are with her at home, the rest of them are where they wanted to be scattered - DGP around a specific tree, SD on a specific river and DU on his only so sons grave.

for me - I want my ashes buried with my DD.

DGM & DA is still with us in her urn & we raise a glass every time family is together.