Elderly and vulnerable mum is in hospital, not getting answers, what can I do?

This sounds like a Sister problem. Where the hell is the ward management function?

The straw thing is really unhelpful. (I’m a SALT so I do quite often recommend not using a straw as in some cases it can make aspiration more likely, but typically I’ll only say that after an assessment. There are SALTs who are more gung ho than that and will put more of a blanket control in place. However, nurses will quite rightly push back to me if it’s the only way to get an adequate amount of fluid into someone. There are often alternatives that could at least be tried but preferably without leaving the patient dehydrated 🙄

Ask for a SALT assessment to give the nurses more guidance. It sounds as if leadership on the ward is totally lacking.

Have a look round and see what other people have got on these whiteboards - is there a dementia/confused symbol of some kind - often a flower symbol or a butterfly? Ask about that.

Its always harder if you dont know the follow up questions which need to be asked

And nursing staff wise.
On any shift at least one nurse will be directly tasked with your DMs care so keeping track of who that is may yielf better information.
Eg Nurse A will not want to be seen to take on responsibility or blame if the task was assigned to Nurse B

If there is no active treatment or tests happening and the care isn’t good why does she still need to be in hospital? Who has PoA assuming she doesn’t have capacity? You mention your father so presumably it is him and he wants her in hospital?

Could she go home with her carer visits and family to help her get better? That would probably get her out of hospital quicker than a care needs assessment and waiting for a care home place although I do think you should get a care needs assessment done / updated as her new normal might be less able than it was pre hospital.

Once she is out of hospital and stable, you probably also need some family discussions about what is in your mum’s best interests re future hospital admissions and treatments. With advanced dementia, osteoporosis and a cancer diagnosis some difficult decisions may be needed. My mother only has advanced dementia and is pretty healthy otherwise but if she got say pneumonia I like to think I would be asking if it had to be treated (easy to say when you aren’t in the situation I know). My wish for her is a swift, pain free exit before dementia takes her voice, her ability to feed and walk etc.

All the best.

Get that put on an email as a complaint to PALS
I’d get everything in writing

I'd say you are staying there until the doctors come out of their meeting as you want to speak to them urgently. Be a nuisance.

OP can I ask if you understand what assessments your mum should have and what should be documented on her chart?

Can you check what is on the first page of her file re communication and decision making

Then
What departments should be involved physio nurtition SW etc

If she can not drink without a modified cup how are staff tracking her liquid intake. Who has assessed and has a beaker been recomended. Liquid intake can be a specific chart which needs to be filled in as if is used to track a measured amount of water.

If she has problems eating how is the ward food service tracking if she eats or not.

Etc

All of these questions need to be answered by either ward stass or her doctor of ward managers.

If you can get it charted you are asking how much and when rather than did she drink/eat/exercize.

And check her meds.

Sometimes the doctors decide that they will pull people off their meds without factoring in the various reasons the combination was used.

Or if a new one is added its side effect (or the combination) can create problems.

I’d threaten ageism !!!
No 20 year old would be treated like this
I had the same with my aunt. Ages in hospital and no tests and no diagnosis

They need to get their act together and test to find out what’s wrong

Next time you are in stick a sign on the wall stating your mum has Alzheimer’s and she needs support to drink and eat. Take a photo and be seen to be doing so.

My elderly father had a stroke and spent a week on a stroke ward. My mother and I were horrified to see that staff simply put meals down in front of patients and then came back later and cleared the uneaten meal away without apparently noticing that the patient hadn't eaten anything because they were unable to feed themselves or speak to ask for help. We ended up feeding some of the patients ourselves and I still worry about what happened to some of those very vulnerable people after my father was discharged and we were no longer visiting. I was so shocked by the complete lack of interest and care shown by the staff.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. IME, hospitals are not safe places for the elderly. When my elderly relative with dementia and delirium was in hospital, I had to make several complaints to PALS. One day, having not seen or spoke to a medical professional for 10 days (I asked repeatedly, obviously), I simply stood at the nurses' station and said I was not going to move until someone had a proper conversation with me about my relative's care. We shouldn't have to be so determinedly assertive but I felt I had no other choice.

complaining helps to keep your family alive, forget about being nuisance

call pals asap. you may have to take half a day or ask for wfh so you can get there on your lunch or after work. id honestly write on the whiteboard myself but a bit assertive. alternatively id put a whiteboard pen on a chain and glue it to the wall.

the fact that it is consistently being missed that she has Alzheimer's and cannot communicate or feed herself is very worrying and it means major infomation isnt being passed. you need to write an email for paper trail. make a note of the calls and all the times you have notified them of this.

You going to have become extremely forthright and annoying. the only way in these places to get any effort it be the most annoying person that follows up and makes complaints and has a paper trail.

A ‘wild exaggeration’??!! You’re kidding, right? It’s now the norm in the NHS.

You must be in the incredibly privileged position of never having to endure this kind of ‘care’ for yourself or your loved ones. I can assure you - and there will be many, many others who could do the same - that this is now standard in the NHS.

The doctors may well be working hard - it’s hard to tell in the approximately 97 seconds you get to see them for - but the ward staff are often supremely unconcerned with patient wellbeing. Patients are routinely left in pain, lying in their own urine and faeces, unable to reach food and drink left out of their reach, risking hospital acquired infections while they wait for days for a quick test, etc, etc. If staff are on the ward, they’re often sat at a computer instead of helping patients. As OP said, if you have the temerity to ask for any help, they act like you’ve asked for the moon.

I don’t doubt that resources are lower than they should be. But it’s the attitude that’s often the main problem, and that’s a choice.

I agree entirely that nobody seems to take responsibility anymore. Clearly, nobody is picking them up on that, they get away with it, know they can, and so it goes on.

I hope you can find somewhere suitable so you can get her out of there asap. There is no care where she is.

Oh dear god! This hospital sounds abysmal. Harrowing reading. I do hope your mum gets home soon, and keep your own strength up.

I am so sorry you and your mum are experiencing this..I was nursing over 40 years, still have friends who are, and kind and compassionate. There will be a ward manager or matron, get to speak to one of them. There will be a head of nursing services..Yes,pals but that will take time. I wouldn't bother attempting to contact the head of the trust..Most ward clerks are just admin and know little about the patient status.. the person giving out fluids, isn't responsible for giving them,it's the nurses responsibility.

I sympathise!

I used to ask when ward round times were so that I could phone in before/after to convey information & ask for details.

When there was lack of information, I’d phone the consultant’s secretary & ask for a phone call.

I'm so sorry you're experiencing this.

I used to be a hospital social worker. Have they allocated your mum a social worker to facilitate her discharge? What care and support arrangements are there for her at home?

It sounds as though her being in hospital isn't helping. I would ask why she is being kept in hospital if there's no active treatment. Is there any reason why she can't be discharged home?

And definitely take a whiteboard marker and write on her board yourself!

I 100% stand by my comment. I’m pleased you’ve had a better experience. Genuinely, I am. Maybe the system can recover if there are still decent people there.

I sympathise. It's frightening how bad things have become.
Whenever my relative is in hospital I do my best to advocate for others close by as well as my relative. I seem to spend a lot of time asking for beakers because the patient can't drink, calling someone because a patient is fitting or bleeding, asking for bottles and bedpans, and putting oxygen tubes back in that have come out.
I feel desperately sad for those who don't have family members coming in to help.
It's not a case of people being " in the best place" any more when they're in hospital.
And trying to get any information is so so difficult. I would often phone 15 to 20 times before being answered.
Can the NHS even be mended at this point?
It is so fucked.