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Elderly parents
Original poster

Anyone moved parent(s) to live near them? How did you convince them if they were unwilling?

34 replies

ZackyP · 01/02/2026 15:46

Sorry if this is a bit garbled.

I'm an only child. My mum's a single parent. We live about 80 miles apart.

My mum's in poor and declining health. Everything is a struggle for her. Her house is falling to bits and not fit for her anymore. She leaves the house once a fortnight for shopping and that's it.

She can't use the Internet beyond watching Reform-esque videos on YouTube.

She needs help. I think it'd make sense for her to move close to me - I could help them but also be better placed to organise other help she needs.

She won't entertain the idea.
It'd be a logistical challenge but do-able.

We get on OK. We're not super close. I see her a few times a year. If she lived close, I'd see her more often in shorter doses. I think she'd get out more. She'd have more human contact, even just with me.

If she doesn't move, if something doesn't change, I'm not sure what the future looks like. Her health will get worse, she'll need more help. I can't be there as much as needed for when it does. It makes sense for her to move close to me.

I can buy the house. I can arrange all the logistics.

Has anyone moved their parents close to them? How did it go? If they were stubborn, how did you convince them? What challenges did you face?

OP posts:
nottinight · 01/02/2026 17:15

I’ve been having a similar conversation with my dad - I told him I want to ‘future proof’ his life (which made him laugh). In his case, I think it’s time for him to move from the family home into sheltered/extra care. He’s had quite a few medical issues lately (falls, infections etc) and as I’m 40 miles away, I can’t always get there super quickly. Knowing he was in a much safer environment would be a big relief.

In your case, perhaps the assisted/retirement living option near to her would be a better call. It would give her a sense of community and also mean if there were any emergencies, there’s someone on hand immediately. You’d no longer need to help her find tradespeople or upkeep the house and your admin load would be reduced too. Alternatively you could encourage her to move to a similar environment closer to you but as you’re not super close in relationship, the further away option might work just as well.

ProfessorBinturong · 01/02/2026 17:14

She only learned to read and write as an adult so she can read and write but not well.

That's pretty unusual for someone who's 70. The reason may be relevant to your current problem - does she have a learning difficulty/disability, a mental or physical health problem that made her miss a lot of education, is she from another country/culture?

WalkTalk · 01/02/2026 17:13

I eventually persuaded mine by finding a house up the road and saying I would arrange everything (had power of attorney) and I did do absolutely everything. Best decision ever.

AllHisCaterpillarFriends · 01/02/2026 17:08

I told them if they wanted me to pop in regularly and actually help them they had to move- they had the money and ability to move and no friend network where they were.
I said if they didn't I was not going to set myself on fire to keep them warm, so they would have to arrange carers, shopping etc and I would continue with my daughterly visits but nothing more.

They didn't move. I don't feel guilty. We all have choices.

Original poster
ZackyP · 01/02/2026 17:05

I can afford to help her where she is but it's much harder. It's very hard to find and arrange decent tradespeople, for example, from 80 miles away when the other person will only communicate via landline.

There are lots of things she just needs a bit of help now and then which would vastly improve her life but isn't anything you can arrange/pay for someone to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
ZackyP · 01/02/2026 17:00

She doesn't particularly want to move but so much of that is because of the logistics. I mean she doesn't say "I don't want to move", she says "I can't move".

She knows it makes sense to move to a more suitable property (even one not close to me).

We had a chat a couple of years back about a retirement village type place and she could definitely see the benefits and was quite enthusiastic.

But there's one and only one of those villages near her that she'll even consider. She can't get a place there because she's a homeowner.

When we had that chat she said she wasn't attached to her house, it's not that she doesn't want to leave her house.

She asks for my help sometimes.
But she needs help week-to-week which I could offer if she lived close.

Most of the time, I offer to help with something and it's clear that if I hadn't helped, the thing she needed help with would've been completely impossible for her and things would've gone to shit.

Example - she needed a new sofa. She can't get to the shops to buy one and can't use the Internet. So if I hadn't offered to help and buy it online for her, she physically couldn't have gotten a new sofa.

OP posts:
DeQuin · 01/02/2026 16:02

Does she think she needs help? Is she asking for help from you?

GrannyGoggles · 01/02/2026 15:57

Does she want to move? If not you’re going to struggle

If you can afford to move her you can afford to support her where she is

What makes practical sense doesn’t always make emotional sense

Don’t rush to prioritise your mother’s care needs over your emotional needs

Original poster
ZackyP · 01/02/2026 15:49

I should say, she's not 'elderly'

She's only 70 but in very poor health. She has very, very poor mobility.

She only learned to read and write as an adult so she can read and write but not well.

OP posts: