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Elderly parents
Original poster

My mum has died

57 replies

PermanentTemporary · 28/01/2026 04:06

I’m a bit of a frequent flyer on this board. My mother has been in a nursing home since her stroke in 2021. This is something like the 5th deathbed call there has been over two years. She died reasonably peacefully this morning and I was with her and had the privilege of seeing her final breath.

I cried yesterday when she was going downhill but I feared she might survive yet again. Now she is at peace at long, long last. There will be a lot of emotion to come but now I feel peaceful too.

She was a lovely mum to me. I am so lucky to have had that.

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MotherOfCatBoy · 31/01/2026 09:05

My condolences @PermanentTemporary , I know it has been a long time coming but still painful for all that. Very glad to hear that you remember her as a “lovely Mum,” that’s a gift. Flowers

GnomeDePlume · 30/01/2026 09:34

@PermanentTemporary the holiday sounds perfect for some well needed thinking time, time for your mind to catch up.

Grief is a strange thing. After DF died I was just relieved (long illness). Then a few months later I was ridiculously upset when a character in The Archers died. I now realise that was a kind of 'referred grief', like referred pain.

Original poster
PermanentTemporary · 30/01/2026 07:27

Oh goodness I hadn’t even thought about bereavement counselling! I needed it so badly after Dh died but that was a brutal shock, absolutely minimal emotion after DF died, much more affected by my godmother and PILs dying in quick succession and DP’s dad as well. Hmm - I don’t think I will need it but I may try and go to yoga this week - I used to cry at certain postures quite regularly after Dh died, it’s strangely cathartic. I don’t know, I have a bad feeling that my previous therapist has retired and I wouldn’t really want to go to anyone else.

We have been forced to slow down as the medical examiner is apparently taking up to ten days in our area, so we can’t even register the death yet. Probably a good thing.

My mum had absolutely wonderful timing - we are off on a walking/sleeping/gazing into the fire type holiday on Tuesday which couldn’t be more perfect.

OP posts:
MysterOfwomanY · 29/01/2026 17:47

My condolences @PermanentTemporary .
I'm glad you were able to keep her company for her last moments, and that you know for sure that she went peacefully.
Give yourself (and, if you feel up to it) others slack right now. It's a time where it's pretty hard to get everything right. I remember when my Dad died, my poor step mum choosing an undertaker... which she then found drove her up the wall. So don't be too hesitant to swap arrangements.

There used to be a thread on the bereavement board for those who had lost parents, which I found helpful back in the day.

REP22 · 29/01/2026 13:36

I'm so sorry @PermanentTemporary - I am a long-time lurker in the Cockroach Cafe, your presence and advice there is so wise, kind and helpful. Sending love to you and your family, now and in the days ahead.

When my DF died there was a long waiting list for support from Cruse UK, but a local bereavement service we so, so helpful. I felt disdainful and a bit ashamed of reaching out for help, but I'm so glad I did in the end.

Take care of your lovely self. 💐💐

HoraceGoesBonkers · 29/01/2026 13:31

Really sorry for your loss. You'll feel a little bit up and down over the coming days and weeks but remember that feeling of peace x

Growlybear83 · 28/01/2026 23:46

I’m so sorry for your loss - losing your mum is one of the hardest things in the world. I had mixed emotions like you when my mum died. I was heartbroken to have lost her but part of me was glad that she was out of the torment of her final couple of years with dementia. Like you and others have said, I was so thankful that I was with my mum when she took her last breath and I hope a little part of her was still able to realise thst I was there.

make sure that you look after yourself xx

Nomotivationanymore50 · 28/01/2026 23:27

I'm so sorry for your loss 😔. I also believe that she waited for you too. I lost my mum 6 years ago and every day she was sick I went round at 8.30am. She passed away one morning at 8.40 am. She most definitely waited for me.
Sending you love and hugs 🤗 x

Gingercar · 28/01/2026 23:26

I’m sorry for your loss. I lost my mum a month ago and I just got there in time for her too, didn’t with my dad either. I think they’d both probably have wanted it that way. I felt a bit of relief too, as my mum had been pretty poorly for a few years. It still hasn’t hit me badly yet, just occasionally.
I wish you strength and hugs.

Original poster
PermanentTemporary · 28/01/2026 23:15

Today has been a relentless adrenaline jag. I’ve got a lot done, at least… the crash will come. Trying to read myself to sleep. Also realising we might have to unpick a lot of very rushed arrangements!

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BestIsWest · 28/01/2026 23:14

So sorry @PermanentTemporary. May all your memories be good ones after the difficult years. Glad it was a peaceful end and that you were able to be there.

Paperwhite209 · 28/01/2026 23:11

I'm so sorry for your loss. Hope the fact that you were there is of comfort to you.
Take care of yourself x

MrsWobble3 · 28/01/2026 22:02

Sympathy. But I hope you are comforted by your memories. It may take time but the sadness will fade.

caringcarer · 28/01/2026 21:53

She'll know you were there with her at the end. Take care of yourself.

wanttokickoffbutcant · 28/01/2026 21:07

So sorry OP. I lost my mum in 2009 when she was just 60 and it still hurts, but she had cancer and it was a relief at the end so I understand your feelings. It is only day one for you so be kind to yourself - you are allowed to feel relief as well as grief. Take care.

Windowseleventy · 28/01/2026 20:39

I am so sorry for your loss and glad she got away peacefully.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 28/01/2026 20:39

Dear PermanentTemporary
You've been through so much.
I'm very glad that your mum's death was peaceful and that you were with her at the end.
May her memory be a true blessing for you.

funnelfan · 28/01/2026 20:38

Flowers sorry you’ve lost your mum, but glad it was a quiet, peaceful end for her.

Mumbles12 · 28/01/2026 20:09

So sorry for your loss.

GnomeDePlume · 28/01/2026 20:01

I am glad that your DM and you can finally be at peace.

FiniteSagacity · 28/01/2026 18:48

I’m so glad you could be there, I shed a few tears reading your update. Also sending you a hug and wishing you peace 💐

You have been brilliant in supporting many on this board, so remember we are here if you need us in return.

OldTime · 28/01/2026 18:45

Thank you for sharing your news .
How has today been for you? Have you had a chance to catch your breath?

Seeingadistance · 28/01/2026 18:35

I'm glad that she got away, at last, peacefully, and you were with her. Take good care of yourself.

Choconuttolata · 28/01/2026 16:43

Sorry for your loss @PermanentTemporary I am glad you were able to be there with her and that she is at peace and no longer suffering. My thoughts are with you 💐

Georgiepud · 28/01/2026 16:28

Sometimes release is a relief.
My mum hung on too, I had to cross London to be there.

Look after yourself.