AIBU To think carers should get the person dressed in the morning

This is very true. And I think we tend to try and impose our ideas of what is right onto them over things that really don't matter.

In this case I would be more concerned about how often her nightwear is changed than if she ever wears day clothes. If she wears her nightie all night and all day then in the evening changes into fresh nightie why does that matter.

I agree with this. We could get granny to do things no one else could.

I think when someone is at the point of needing full time carers they are left with very little autonomy over their own lives. For many deciding if they get dressed or not may be the only thing they actually feel they can control.

Exactly! I was a bit flippant with my smelling like a farmyard upthread ( and tbh the lady in question had been a land girl and she found it funny) but what you said is spot on

Yes they should, It can be written in her care plan that family members would like her to be encouraged to get washed and dressed. They won’t force her if she really doesn’t want to or is Ill.

As a former carer I found that a lot of families who had carers to look after their elderly relative were under the impression that it absolved them of any responsibility towards mum/dad/granny.
It doesnt.
Im sure there are other carers/former carers who would agree with me

Im a carer of a sort. Wellbeing, not physical care, although I help the other carers when needed and do things for my residents if needed. I "popped in" on one of my residents today. She isn't dressed. She doesnt want to get dressed. I reminded her that she feels better when she does, its good for her MH etc. But ultimately I can't make her.

I used to be a carer for a lady with dementia. She'd let her daughter do all kinds of things she wouldn't accept from me. Including personal care. Luckily her DD was fine with that.

I've met carers who are lazy and barely try. When met with a "no" when asking if someone wants to get dressed they dont try again.
I've met carers who are too far the other way and insist. Which goes against patient centered care. Id often find myself doing little things like changing someone's cardigan to match their skirt as the AM carer hadn't given them a choice.

But most of us are doing our best, for minimum wage and minimum thanks.

We have an elderly neighbour going through this. The carers will often leave things to her daughter because she's refused them doing the thing with her. Sadly, I think it part of the litigation culture. Someone reports that person for "forcing" the person and their job is on the line, possibly with a criminal record too. Your husband or our neighbour's daughter are highly unlikely to get in trouble a) because no-one will notice and b) because it's likely to be seen as part of then trying to care,

I did some pre employment training for a caring role last week. If it is in the care plan, we must try. As a pp mentioned, this may require speaking in phrases that suggest it is happening now so here are your options. If the client refuses, we cannot force them. If your child refused to change into their swimming costume, there would be an outcry if the teacher forced them into it! It is not laziness. We clock in and out and stay for our allocated times. It is not laziness or being as quick as possible. However, anything unable to be done that is on the care plan is logged in our notes and we call the office so there is a robust paper trail. It may mean that the care plan needs to be re-evaluated.

My fil’s carers had to ask 3 times. If the client refused three times that was it. Some took this very literally, stood in the doorway and asked a sleepy man if he wanted to be washed, and dressed 3 times then went on their way.

Then we got some decent carers who would come in, chat a bit, put on the news for him while they made tea and toast, and then get him cleaned and dressed. Literally gave him back his dignity.

I'm pretty disgusted at someone on here calling carers "lazy" when it's well known that the majority are over-worked and underpaid and often have a huge rota of clients that they have to deal with daily.

Maybe provide some day time/lounge wear type things- maybe she prefers this type of thing as she is getting into her pyjamas and I’m guessing the carers are doing that

carers are not lazy they are marvels. It should be in the care plan what it has been agreed they should do so you could have a look at that as it’s usually a folder left one where accessible, talk to care company or just ask the carers who are there.

Not if she didn't want to get dressed. She would be encouraged to get dressed but a decent care home doesn't force older people to do things because it suits them. As long as the carers are supporting her to get washed and changing her pjs . They should also record that they offered her support to get dressed .

I'm a carer and take exception to the idea that I am lazy.
This morning I have washed and dressed 4 people, changed 2 beds and done the medication and breakfast for 4.
My next visit is with a woman who I know will refuse personal care. I leave her clean clothes next to the bed and hope she takes off the ones she's been wearing since last Tuesday day and night.
Although she lacks capacity, she has the right to refuse getting dressed or washed

This

Agreed, but with older people who require carers, it becomes about hygiene as well. I had a number of clients who'd get washed and then back into nightwear as it was comfortable, but we'd make sure the nightwear was clean.

Because your DH is allowed to not take no for an answer (bully her) into a wash and a change of clothing but her care team are not.

If you think the care team are not trying to get her dressed the only solution is to have family members take the time to turn up for a couple of weeks and see what is actually happening on a daily basis.

Timing of getting up toilet washing amd changing clothes and food could be moved to some tea/ food as DMIL will be more aware of what is going on and has moved around a little so going into the bathroom is just a pitstop before she sits down.

And if she is in night clothes all day I would be asking how often are the carers managing to change her cloths and get her washed.

And sometimes you need to look at the clothing is it all easy to change into wide neck tops with no buttons can be better than blouse with small buttons etc

And have the clothing set out in daily outfits rather than a pick-n-mix

There are a lot of people on MN who claim to be in pjs all day if just chilling out.

As others have said carers cannot force someone to do anything, they can only suggest. If she says no they have to leave it.

Your husband does not have that issue of consent, he will just get on with it, because he is not a professional carer he's her son.

So you can raise the issue but it won't go anywhere if MIL is refusing to get dressed.

That’s quite a leap. If she refuses then they can’t force her.
OP I imagine your DH has more time and more influence than the carers. Family are much more likely to ignore the person saying no and carry on trying to persuade. Carers can’t really do that much.
If it’s a concern then your DH needs to speak to the carers to find out why they aren’t dressing her in day clothes. Then work on a solution to the problems they report.

When my own DM was in a care home she refused point blank to allow the carers to do more than the absolute minimum personal care. We didn’t like it and did ask why she didn’t look more cared for but they explained that they can prompt, encourage but not force someone and that having some autonomy over their care was more important to some than their appearance, particularly if they never left their room. Plenty of people live like this independently, being in care shouldn’t take away the choice to make poor decisions about fairly minor issues.

It's MILs choice, no one can forcefully dress her. It would also need to be specifically written in the care plan. They would need to be carefully considering MILs dignity, consent and any risks.

Of course she should be dressed. She should be washed and dressed every day. Are they actually washing her? How often are they changing PJ's?