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Elderly parents
Original poster

Preventing access to social media

56 replies

spottygymbag · 14/01/2026 03:27

Elderly DM in law has become the victim of an ongoing cyber love scam. Over 18 months she has lost significant amounts of her and DF in law’s money.
She was showing cognitive impairment a year ago and the GP has recently issued a letter we have taken to the bank to stop her access. Further testing and medical management is now in process.

The issue we have now is how to deal with the social media and messaging side. The scammers are incessant, pressuring and threatening her to the point she called emergency services earlier this week. Part of her impairment is that she cannot distinguish between fantasy and reality so no amount of education or reasoning helps, believe me we have tried! The scammers also transfer her from one platform to another and she will blindly follow their instructions to create new accounts and she is now starting to fall for other scams on top of the ongoing original one.

So from a place of absolute desperation, any ideas on how we can deal with this messaging and contact side of things? Also to note that in the past when we have limited access to messaging and social media on the phone and laptop she has disappeared to the local library to email the scammer that way.

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Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 08:27

PermanentTemporary · 18/01/2026 06:49

I used to think I was a civilised person but scammers and fraudsters bring out the homicidal maniac in me. I hope the dumb phone move is a success.

It’s very hard to imagine an obsession this intense going away easily, and also sad to think that when it does, it will be because your DMIL’s cognitive decline has got worse.

Could they get a kitten??

Obsession 100% the right word for it. Next time we talk I’ll suggest the kitten and see what happens!
Really hoping DFIL comes through on the dumb phone move. We can see traffic on her phone has dropped right off but not sure if that from blocking apps or phone swap.

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Mumsknot · 18/01/2026 08:25

They are so clever these people - they just always seem to find a way! Good luck, I really hope it works for you

Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 08:21

Thanks- it’s awful. It seems like it should be such a logical fix. Explains the situation, change the numbers and accounts- job done. Except it’s never ending. We’ve said dumb phones from now on or we’re out.

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Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 08:18

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/01/2026 06:46

If they have shut down their email address and you have changed your MIL's contact details, how are they making contact with one another? You said before that when you changed everything your MIL had kept one of their email addresses.

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Because the account shutdowns are not instantaneous, there are many accounts on the go at the same time, and just when we think we are ahead of it all we find another email account that was already in play, or a new messaging app hidden in the hidden section of her phone. A lot of this is also being done somewhat remotely, and by guiding DFIL through steps as we are not super close geographically.

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Mumsknot · 18/01/2026 07:36

Just to give you some sympathy

The same thing happened to my dad (he doesn’t live in the UK) and unfortunately he’s given away all his money now. We tried absolutely everything. I even tried to get power of attorney but when we saw the lawyer, at the last minute he refused to give permission because deep down he can’t step away from the fraudsters. It’s like he’s become addicted to it.

His sisters and their children were furious with me as they felt I (and my siblings) could have done more which really upset me. It’s impossible. It’s like a drug they can’t let go of. In the end I had to let it go but it’s an absolute disgrace how these scum get away with it.

RoxytheRexy · 18/01/2026 07:02

My MIL was romance scammed at 73. We have no idea how much money she lost as she refuses to discuss it but we’ve got a feeling it may be thousands. The scam came to light and it was very messy. Screaming, crying and denial. We removed her laptop and closed all her accounts and so far we’ve not had any other episodes. Fingers crossed though and it’s a source of constant worry.

Sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can do

PermanentTemporary · 18/01/2026 06:49

I used to think I was a civilised person but scammers and fraudsters bring out the homicidal maniac in me. I hope the dumb phone move is a success.

It’s very hard to imagine an obsession this intense going away easily, and also sad to think that when it does, it will be because your DMIL’s cognitive decline has got worse.

Could they get a kitten??

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/01/2026 06:46

spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:42

There are many emails, and profiles. We report them, they get shutdown and they start a new one very quickly. We have even reported it to the local authorities in their country. We have just found another two PayPal acccounts, and two more Gmail accounts. It’s SO frustrating.

Show quote history

If they have shut down their email address and you have changed your MIL's contact details, how are they making contact with one another? You said before that when you changed everything your MIL had kept one of their email addresses.

Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:42

DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/01/2026 06:31

How is the scammer still able to operate from the same email address? Have the police or action fraud not been notified? Can you not report them to Gmail and have the account shut down?

There are many emails, and profiles. We report them, they get shutdown and they start a new one very quickly. We have even reported it to the local authorities in their country. We have just found another two PayPal acccounts, and two more Gmail accounts. It’s SO frustrating.

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DillyDallyingAllDay · 18/01/2026 06:37

This isn’t directly to help the scammer situation, and I see she’s moved to a dumb phone now. But I think an AI app might help her to direct her ‘conversation’ elsewhere; it might help plug the gap of ‘someone’ to chat to?

Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:31

Thanks all for responding. It’s such a bizarre situation, it’s been good just to be able to post and hear that we’re trying the right things.
I’ve been through dementia support with my grandmother but that was well before smartphones and scamming to the extent it is now days!
worst we had with her was the wandering and excessive amounts of soft toys!

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DeftGoldHedgehog · 18/01/2026 06:31

How is the scammer still able to operate from the same email address? Have the police or action fraud not been notified? Can you not report them to Gmail and have the account shut down?

Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:27

Octavia64 · 16/01/2026 09:09

Libraries can stop access to computers for some people.

maybe try talking to them?

sorry it sounds like a horrendous situation

I have contacted the library, explained the situation, provided a photo of her and the GP letter and asked them to call DFIL if they happen to see her.

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Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:26

ChocHotolate · 16/01/2026 09:02

Can she articulate what she thinks is happening? Is she thinking that the scammers are in desperate poverty or hoping for love?

She believes she is in love, that they are engaged, and that she will travel to be with him (we removed her passport when this came to light).

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Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:25

EducatingArti · 16/01/2026 08:03

Can you get the police involved. Might she listen to a police officer?

The police have been informed but she nods and says the right thing then carries on.

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Original poster
spottygymbag · 18/01/2026 06:24

PermanentTemporary · 16/01/2026 07:59

How terrifying. Can I just say you’re doing an amazing job, from someone who’s Dad was involved with scammers for ten years or more.

Id be inclined to move to the dumb phone now. Presumably she would protest?

Is there any organisation representing credit card companies that could advise on flagging her somehow so that the new card applications get declined?

DFIL has texted DH and said they will both move to dumb phones. Fingers crossed this actually happens. In the meantime DH has worked some IT wizardry and we have blocked a whole lot of the social media and messaging apps on her phone.
I have contacted the main credit reporting facilities and started the process for a credit freeze so it will decrease the chances of her getting any other lines of credit.
I think we have been struggling to push through on some things because we keep wanting her to “come to her senses”, and we’ve been trying not to overstep. But we’re coming round to the idea that this is the new reality and her senses aren’t really there to come back to!

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Octavia64 · 16/01/2026 09:09

Libraries can stop access to computers for some people.

maybe try talking to them?

sorry it sounds like a horrendous situation

ChocHotolate · 16/01/2026 09:02

Can she articulate what she thinks is happening? Is she thinking that the scammers are in desperate poverty or hoping for love?

EducatingArti · 16/01/2026 08:03

Can you get the police involved. Might she listen to a police officer?

PermanentTemporary · 16/01/2026 07:59

How terrifying. Can I just say you’re doing an amazing job, from someone who’s Dad was involved with scammers for ten years or more.

Id be inclined to move to the dumb phone now. Presumably she would protest?

Is there any organisation representing credit card companies that could advise on flagging her somehow so that the new card applications get declined?

Original poster
spottygymbag · 16/01/2026 07:42

Seeingadistance · 14/01/2026 11:07

Am I right in thinking that she no longer has access to money to send to the scammers? That that side of things is now under control, but it's the on-going pressure from the scammers that's the problem?

Yes, currently has no access except what DFIL gives her for coffees, lunches etc. but the pressure is immense for her and she has begun applying for additional credit cards (that they cannot afford). And the more pressure they put on her, the more pressure she puts on DFIL.

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Vastimprovement · 16/01/2026 03:17

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this, the fact there are so many awful people out there is horrifying really.

Would Age UK possibly have any support available?

Original poster
spottygymbag · 16/01/2026 03:08

ShawnaMacallister · 14/01/2026 07:35

If she's just doing it at the library and isn't able to send anyone any money is that able to do much damage? If you could limit her social media at home by putting parental controls on her devices then her trips to the library would be the worst that could happen right? She can't sit there all day? Or does she?

She doesn’t need to be there long- pops in and sets up a new Gmail account, emails them, replies are very quick. Then she’s off to a shop to get another Apple gift card and then back to the library to send the picture/information to them.

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Original poster
spottygymbag · 16/01/2026 03:06

We have been trying to manage it by giving her small amounts but she will lie about spending it, save it, take to a shop to purchase an Apple gift card and send it to the scammers by email, telegram, Snapchat, messenger… whichever one is currently on the go. It’s like playing whack a mole. This is why we are trying to limit the social media/internet.
Further complicating things is DF in-law’s refusal to believe she actually is cognitively impaired despite having blunt conversations with the GP. He is holding onto hope that her next round of testing will show an improvement. This means he is struggling to not give her access to accounts pushed (so far so good but she can be quite forceful and he is not used to standing up to her in this way).
Additional help for them will come as we make our way further into the system and the GP has been good about signposting all of this. This will still come down to DFIL admitting to help is required and then actually accepting it.

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Seeingadistance · 14/01/2026 11:07

Am I right in thinking that she no longer has access to money to send to the scammers? That that side of things is now under control, but it's the on-going pressure from the scammers that's the problem?